When Rainbow Dash receives the verdict that her final grade is in jeopardy, she enlists the help of most eggheadiest person she knows.

Unfortunately, she encounters a problem. A naked problem.

A very naked problem.

A comedy of the nudist variety.

It brings me great pride to say that this fic inspired the Nudists and Nudity group. Go check it out for all your barebacked needs!

Rated "T" for trigonometry.
Sex tag is for lewd jokes and language, not sex scenes.

Two guardsponies have been assigned to watch a door that leads into the Canterlot Castle gardens. Without much to do and their post barely over, the only entertainment they have is themselves and whatever they can speak of.

Twilight Sparkle finds herself with an embarrassment of riches. She's got her own kingdom, great friends, some kind of Rainbow Magic, and her own castle! Nothing could go wrong... or so she thought. Something has risen from the depths of her new home to threaten the peace of Equestria. Something old, something powerful, something hungry...

Written for Magello, never stop dreaming, friend.

I didn't ask for this, any of this. But now that I'm here, might as well make the most of it. But, why am I here? What purpose does my presence here serve to Equestria?

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Author Notes: Yes, this is a HIE story. Yes, I know how much people hate self inserts or anything similar to it. And yes, I don't care what people say about this. I'm writing this because I feel like it and nobody can stop me from doing it. To quote Eminem, "See you can hate 'em, he don't blame you frankly he would too." Since I can't use too many character tags, just assume I'll be using every character from the show.

(While I actually thought of the title and premise for this story by listening to Aerosmith's Permanent Vacation, the current cover art just seemed to fit the opening chapter better.)

Note that the Gore tag is simply because of things like characters getting stabbed, shot, etc... Nothing too graphic or descriptive, but better safe than sorry.

(This fic contains spoilers of varying levels for Saints Row IV.)
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With a full crew of Saints aboard the... Ship and the Simulation all but theirs, Kinzie Kensington and Matt Miller have had surprisingly little to do with their time. Still, with the Boss still putting the Simulation through the wringer, Kinzie has had the pleasure of poking through the Zin's systems at her leisure and looking at what she wanted to look at.

And after a particular urge to check out the Zin's prisoners, she finds a host of different alien species... Including a... unicorn. A unicorn with especially high cyber security. Anything that Zinyak wants to keep safe must be good for Saints. Wary of the ridicuousness of the prospect, the President of the United States mounts a rescue.
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(Featured 12/29/2014! And 01/09/2015! And 02/13/2015! And 02/27/2015! And 08/29/2015! Holy fuck!)

The few.

The proud.

The only ones who were available at the time.

When the royal budget is blown, Luna needs to show that the disasters that have so drained Equestria's resources aren't going to continue. Reforming the Lunar Guard on a tight purse means that she doesn't necessarily get the ponies that she would have chosen, but how bad could it possibly be?

They're reckless, dangerous, they weren't even supposed to be here today, and they might well be Equestria's last hope.

(Featured and flattered!)

Letters. Everyone writes them, and they're not just for ponies. Be they carriers of serious news, friendly correspondence between pen pals, or declarations of heart and heartbreak, each one is written with a clear purpose or goal in mind.

Celestia uses them to try and keep her faithful student and friends in line, and try to keep an unbalanced world on the straight and narrow.

This is much harder than it sounds.

Now with an audio reading by Lady Tenkage!

Side Stories:

Old-Fashioned Bar Hoppers, featuring Celestia, Mayor Mare, and Granny Smith shenanigans.
Journal of an Adolescent Clone, featuring Sunny and Moony shenanigans since Season 5.