//------------------------------//
// The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 
// Story: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by milesprower06 
//------------------------------//

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

Dear Princess Celestia,

You would think that since my family has run this farm successfully for three generations, that we would be fairly savvy business ponies. Our two busiest times of the year are when we sell Zap Apple Jam and our famous Apple Family Cider. Ponies line up for miles the night before every time. Seriously, we've sold this cider for years, and yet Rainbow Dash gets all butthurt when she doesn't realize what overnight camping means yet.

So, anyway, back to our flawless business practices. Like, supply and demand! With lines that long, you'd think we'd put a limit on how many each pony can buy until everypony's been served. Nope, because that's for sophisticated ponies. We'd rather let Pinkie buy more than she can carry, and then piss off the hundreds of ponies waiting in line when we run out. Yeah, that sounds like a good move to make.

Then let's talk about competition. Competition in business just means better things for the consumer. There are proper ways to go about competing with another business. But screw proper ways, we're the Apples! We're gonna let competition come and park right in front of us. Oh, and we're gonna let them run their demonstration with OUR apples. What could go wrong?

Their machine is certainly impressive. I even managed to get Rainbow Dash to eat dirt! Heh, imagine what she could do if I poured cider all over my body. Ooh...

But, uh, anyway, since we're the savy-est of business ponies and all, we bet the farm on who could make the most cider. No, I mean we literally bet the farm. I mean, why wouldn't a sexy southerner, an old bag, the model for Brony Paper Towels, and a filly who wants to grow up to be the President be able to beat a highly-sophisticated machine that we honestly should take our profits and invest in?

We probably would've been fucked if Flim and Flam weren't equally as bad at running a business as we were. They were in the lead by a mighty amount, and allowed us to double our team with 'honorary family members.' Because of our increased pace, they had to cut back on the quality control. Ya know, kinda like those fast food restaurants do in Manehattan. But their stupidity didn't end there. When nopony wanted to buy any of their cider, did they cut their losses and wait til next year with some of the most fertile ground in the region? Nope. They took their machine and left. So I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is...

We got lucky, and fuck you and your friendship lessons.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a cider bath and invite Rainbow Dash over.

Your sultry southern subject,
Applejack