Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.
Dear Vacuum Cleaner,
You may need to clean up a very large stain in the gym. Professor Rainbow Dash came all over the floor every time she mentioned that Wild Blue Yonder rollercoaster she wants to ride. So start licking.
-Smolder, Yona, and Sandbar
Dear Granddaughter,
Now listen here, you little whippersnapper! Your rainbow lesbian friend told me that you’re the reason our trip was so boring. Blackmailing your own best friend? Have I taught you nothing!?!
Don’t get too excited? What in land sakes are you mumbling about? It’s not like we will purposely get ourselves injured. If so, our trip would have changed from Grannies Gone Wild to just Grannies Gone. We grannies know enough of our own limits. Respect your elders. Understand? This is my choice. I am way too old to deal with ponies worrying about my own safety. That’s what I had to deal with when my parents were still around. I have not much time left so let this old mare spend it how I want.
I get that your butt mark says that family is important to you, but you need to let go sometimes. So get your head out of your ass and lighten up!
Hence, when I get home later, you’ll be getting a spanking so hard that ponies will confuse your butt for Big Mac. That’ll get you to loosen up that tight ass of yours. Hopefully you won’t say that you didn’t learn anything by the time I’m done with you.
Sincerely,
Granny Smith
Dear Granny Smith,
You need to work on that anger management. Perhaps you still have some lingering remnants of my bottled up anger? Come by my office later to relieve yourself of all that rage.
Your guidance counsellor,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Rainbow Dash,
If you wanted to ride a more awesome rollercoaster just ask the crusaders to build you one next summer. It probably take about less than a day to make.
Sincerely,
Granny Smith
Dear Big Mac,
Did Applejack also give you a list of how to take care of the Gold Horseshoe Gals when you chaperone them? Did you follow her list?
Curious,
Rainbow
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Eeyup and Eenope.
Sincerely,
Big Mac
Dear Sugar Belle,
Hey there my shmoopy-doopy. I’m free tonight and most of my family are not around. Let’s do some rough housing in the barn tonight.
Your coltfriend,
Big McIntosh
Inquiry to the owners of the Wild Blue Yonder,
So, if your roller coaster is super popular, why is it shutting down? Trying to skip town before the safety commission comes knocking?
Sincerely,
Rainbow Dash