Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Petsitting: It's Not Just for Ponies

Dearest Spike,

Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm not surprised to hear that you relapsed into a bit of greedy behavior after your previous incident, but the fact that everything worked out in the end is of great benefit to you at this time.

You face an uphill battle dealing with this greedy behavior, Spike, and that appetite of yours is something you MUST keep in check, because if you don't, you'll find yourself going back for more and more until mere satisfaction is no longer attainable.

That's not to say you should swear off gems altogether. Gems are a staple food source for dragons, but like all things, it is to be taken in moderation. Too much of a good thing can be as detrimental as little or none at all.

You've been good about your diet thus far, but be wary of little cheat days like today. You don't see me eating a whole ten-layer cake every day, do you? Of course not--I do it every three days.

And a word of advice: if you find yourself getting a bit pudgy, find something to do in ten minutes of free time to get a bit of exercise in, then keep at it daily. I know you're usually busy most of the day hanging with your special pony or reorganizing Twilight's books for the umpteenth time, but everypony has ten minutes to spare at some point in their day. I know I do--those moments I use to keep fit by fencing with Jenkins. That old coot's really good with his mop, and he takes no quarter. I respect him for that, and respond in kind with Brutus. He's currently up by five victories, but today, I'll make that four for sure.

Anyway, find a moment to squeeze in some active activity, do it daily, and the rewards will come in time. Keep in touch, my little dragon, and if you find yourself lost, you know who to write to. Don't forget, however, that Twilight is there too, and she'll do what she can to help when she's actually paying attention.

Love,

Princess Celestia

Hello, Luna. Please tell me you got rid of that drag--

Two. There's two of them behind you. What did you do?

Okay, I'm not even sure if saving a dragon's life in a dream counts for the life debt, but this is the exact opposite of dissolving a life debt. It's dou--

Luna, wipe that smirk off your face! I know what you're going to say, and don't say it! DO. NOT.

Comments

[Lady GryphonInia]

1st! Yay, again!

I really have a lucky streak with your story! Keep those chapters coming! Your take is hilarious on those.

[Glowing Ember]

The dept has been doubled.

[Minds Eye]

Double Dragon! Oh, I did not see that coming!

Well done, sir. Well done.

[Maxes Altho]

I can't wait to see Sunbutt's reaction to Pinkie having a sister that's the exact opposite of her.

[MythrilMoth]

5820362 Please stop posting "first". It's really obnoxious and everybody hates people who do that.

[Br2nd66]

her janitor is able to beat her in a duel with a mop wow

[Aurora Dimmet]

5820362

First-posting was, and likely still is, a bannable offense. I suggest you stop immediately before someone gets annoyed enough to call it in.

[BlueYoshi]

You don't see me eating a whole ten-layer cake every day, do you? Of course not--I do it every three days.

The Canterlot chefs are definitely not happy about making a bunch for Celestia and for Celestia only.

But I do what I want, because I'm a princess.

[Tired Old Man]

5820362

I appreciate the comment on you enjoying the story. I'll square that off first and foremost--hearing about good folk reading and enjoying this story warms my heart.

However, proudly declaring your firstposting is the sort of thing that makes old men like me cry, and it's also kinda frowned upon on the site, so if you could refrain from making such declarations in the future, I'd greatly appreciate that.

[fractalman]

You don't see me eating a whole ten-layer cake every day, do you? Of course not--I do it every three days.

Like that's much better, cakelestia.

[Hillbe]

Dear Celestia

I've been getting a great work out each day with helping Rarity at her shop.
But now she's getting a little pudgy and Twilights giving me the stink eye.
Spike
Ride em dragon boy
Your digging into my spa time
Oh you two are sooooooo cute
bottoms up
Oh Spikey
Run Spike Run !

[Capt TeK]

I'm guessing Jenkins' winning strategy is to yell out his name and bum-rush Celestia while eating ch..er...hm.. Hay? Meh, i'll think of something that might be like chicken to ponies later, but for now i have to go in the corner for screwing up this attempt at being witty.

[CarrotGold]

DOUBLE DRAGONS!!

[RagnuPony]

Huzzah! the debt has been doubled!

[HeroOfVillians]

5820728 Mozzarella sticks? Fried mushrooms maybe?

[Capt TeK]

5820836 Possibly fried apples.

[Pinklestia]

Dreams actually do not count.

[Rhulain]

JANITOR NNNJENKINS!

[Zaid ValRoa]

I know you're usually busy most of the day hanging with your special pony

Oh damn, Celly.
That's cold.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Sage advice on the importance of moderation. If only Luna would listen. A dragon isn't just for Hearth's Warming, young lady.

[Hurgusburgus]

5820362
i.imgur.com/TpDpOyl.gif

[user123]

Is it Lunacy! ?

[Endless Nightmares]

I really like what you're doing with this. I can honestly say that every letter I've had the pleasure of reading always leaves me with a smile. Please keep up the good work, your writing really brightens my day. Thank you for that.

[Deathtoheaven731]

5822089 You, sir, win the internet.

[Zilverfoss]

5821014
5820728
Yell out his name.. "JANITOR LEROY JENKINS!"?
Reminds me of a crazy human made colt story, something about a flying rock. ...
And a pissed off Momlestia
Yup, crazy story

[Xuncu]

5820728 5823277 5820836 5820853 Chicken-fried oats.

Hm...

http://www.cooks.com/recipe/es07r1j3/golden-oats-fried-chicken.html
Huh. Close.

[RandomBlank]

And the big unsaid "once you can't find enough gems you'll switch to pony meat".

[Voldine]

5820362

First post!
Fucking GAY!
Second Post!
Go away.
Stupid picture.
Simpsons did it.
South Park did it too.

Roflcoptor.
Really stupid.
I don't know, I kinda like it.
I hate Mindy.
I hate Cindy.
I hate fags and jews.

Who's the girl in that pic. I want her to show her tits.
So gross! I wonder why girls don't come to this site.
This picture for the win. I'd bone the girl in it!
I'd bone your mom.
You bone your palm!
Aw snap! Epic pwnage!

We didn't start the flame war.
peeps were hatin' on it 'fore I left my comment.
We didn't start the flame war.
Let the whole wide world know I'm a big old asshole!

Relevant video:

[ChronoMitsurugi]

5820362
Brace thyself!

The butthurt. It comes.

[ChronoMitsurugi]

5820511
Very calm and mature response good sir.

[ChronoMitsurugi]

5827004
The lyrics were a bit mean at first but the chorus is awesome.

We didn't start the flame war.
peeps were hatin' on it 'fore I left my comment.
We didn't start the flame war.
Let the whole wide world know I'm a big old asshole!

[WorldWalker128]

5820480
He mopped the floor with her!
Cleaned up her act.

[GoldenCyclone4]

5820362 Yeesh, do you have a Super Horn or something, or are you just good at Blue Shell dodging? Fuck it, Lightning!

[Tache]

5827004 I love that song.

[moonchosen]

THE INDENTURED SERVITUDE HAS BEEN DOUBLED!

[ShadowLDrago]

I'm tempted to say "Not even remotly first." but I get the feeling it wouldn't be very funny at all.

[Oubliette]

5905094 Janitor Jenkins is the secret bodyguard of the royal family, trained in the secret arts of cleaning, griping, and asskicking that have been passed down the Sweeper line for generations!

I am so sorry I started channeling Armstrong for a moment there.....
Ignore meee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SvenFoxx]

6803980 Holy crap... I didn't know the text got that small!

[Boulder]

Can't help myself "HUZZAH!"

[Boulder]

6964543 How bout this big!