Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Bonus Chapter: On A Scale of Alligator to Gorilla, How Shitty of a Parent Are You?

Hiatus Bonus Chapter (Mixed, Massed, and Bashed)

THE FOAL FREE PRESS
DICKS OUT FOR HAYAMBE!

In late May this year, Hayambe, the last known living gorilla in Equestria, was exterminated in his enclosure in the Cincinneighti Zoo. This incident occurred due to a child getting into the gorilla enclosure. Hayambe caught hold of the child and started to drag him around forcefully until he was shot with fatal magical spell blast.

Since then, the incident has been wildly criticized by many ponies who blamed the child’s parent for the gorilla’s untimely death with most citing that a child's life is less valuable than that of an endangered animal. The most enraged over this issue was the Human-Activist group, who are firm believers of the humans. Head of this group, Lyra Heartstrings, has since then released a statement over this issue:
"I hope this child gets properly punished for his disobedience. He is the sole reason for the last possible known existence of humans living in Equestria to die off."

Princess Twilight has replied to that comment by mentioning that the Human-Activist group could just kidnap some humans from the alternate mirror world where humans roam.

Funnily enough, this isn't the first time that there was outrage over the death of an animal. Just last year, Cecil the Lion was shot in the wild by a dentist named Colgate, who has since then moved cities and changed names to avoid enraged ponies.

This aforementioned incident of Hayambe's death has pretty much become a media joke by this point. Just like Twilicorn! There has been a bonfire of CD's for the movie King Kong in "honor" of his death. Colts and fillies are dressing up in gorilla suits for the upcoming Nightmare Night. And the most ridiculous is the coined phrase, "Dicks Out For Hayambe". This phrase has been used repeatedly by social justice warriors who want justice for the death for Hayambe, but clearly only just want attention for themselves.

"It's not that hard for stallions to pull their dicks out if we don't normally wear cloths..." says an orange farmmare.

In fact, because of all these events occurring, there is now a petition for Hayambe to become the next Pokemare, so that its memory will live on forever. But considering a previous petition led to an angry Princess Twilight becoming a Pokemare, the chance of that happening is unlikely.

In other news, another death of a colt, this time near Whorelando by an alligator...

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Dear Princess Celestia,

Couldn't you just dress Prince Blueblood in a gorilla suit and fake that you brought him back to life? This situation is getting very fucking ridiculous!

Your fellow princess,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S. That's the last time I bring Fax Machine and Starlight to the Zoo.

Author's Note:

Comments

[Diokno44]

F*ck the Harambe meme. It needs to die like its namesake.

[blazikenking]

Don't forget this.

[Jphyper]

P.S. That's the last time I bring Fax Machine and Starlight to the Zoo.

I can't think of anything to say because I'm too busy laughing.

[Dawn Flower]

To add insult to injury, after he died, he was made into a chair.
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/fallout/images/e/e8/GorillaChair-NukaWorld.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20161017012812

[Phazon]

You'd think that after so many months Harambe wouldn't be topical enough for a Letters chapter anymore. Unfortunately, people still won't shut up about that gorilla.

*points at this chapter*

Miles, you're part of the problem.

[REDMAMBA]

This thing is so ridiculous . Hes dead, move on. Just Sunday a man was mauled by a bear in Montana, and oddly another a week before that, and a week before that. I honestly could care less about the guerrilla or lion that i have never heard about, or the apparent swan that was shot at a refuge just west of where i live.

[Neko Majin C]

Lyra Heartstrings, has since then released a statement over this issue:
"I hope this child gets properly punished for his disobedience.

These paragraphs are to close together. Dammit, I knew I forgot something.

The third image is broken.

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My dearest Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Thank you for not taking me and selling me to the zoo. I knew you were just venting. You would never do something so horrible. To me. I am just barely useful enough to you for you to keep me around. And I am going to make sure to work extra hard to prove that. When you get back, get ready for the best dinner you have ever had (you still like meat, right?). And the least lackluster sensual massage you have ever had.

Signed your most loyal and grateful slave,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[treos]

a thought comes to mind: what were the parents doing when they should've been watching their kid?

and now theres a pokemon whose depressing origin story is basically death by human negligence.

oh well, it's not like i find human stupidity all that surprising or shocking anymore. it just sucks when other forms of life have to suffer and/or die as a result of our species stupidity.

[carrotmoon]

Poor Twilight, she tried so hard to become Mega Rapidash and no-one cared.

[kooarbiter]

*spit take*

wait what they actually did it?! I thought the pokemon thing was a joke!

[NobodieZ]

Hilarious as usual.

This phrase has been used repeatedly by social justice warriors who want justice for the death for Hayambe, but clearly only just want attention for themselves.

[articunos bitch]

Princess Twilight has replied to that comment by mentioning that the Human-Activist group could just kidnap some humans from the alternate mirror world where humans roam.

Some humans would go willingly, but the ponies need to be careful about who they bring with them.

Cecil the Lion was shot in the wild by a dentist named Colgate, who has since then moved cities and changed names to avoid enraged ponies.

Ironically, the zebras who live near the site where the lion was killed applaud the efforts of ponies to hunt lions. Ponies in Manehatten don't have to worry about giants cats hunting them, zebras do.

"It's not that hard for stallions to pull their dicks out if we don't normally wear cloths..." says an orange farmmare.

I get the feeling this farmmare doesn't care for dicks too much herself

P.S. That's the last time I bring Fax Machine and Starlight to the Zoo.

I forgot what I was reading because I didn't see that coming.