• Published 24th Jan 2015
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Letters from an Irritated Princess - Tired Old Man



Celestia writes some blunt letters to her faithful student and friends.

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How Many Pinkies Does It Take to Screw with a Princess?

Pinkamena Doppelganger Pie,

What were you even thinking?!

There are so many clones of you in this castle, it's not even funny. They won't leave, and they're all staring at me, screaming fun in my face and--will all of you SHUT UP already?!

I've been casting the return postage spell on these things nonstop for the past ten hours, and it's exactly as inefficient as it sounds. I only stopped to write this letter to address the root of the problem--put Brutus down this instant! He is NOT a toy! Ahem, at this point I only hope the 'real' Pinkie I'm writing to right now isn't here in the room with me, because that would lead to a most unfortunate accident.

Why do you even know about the mirror pool? Wait, no, that's obvious. Better question: why did you think using it was even a good idea? Because you couldn't make a choice for yourself, you made copies of you to do the stuff you wanted to do with everypony so they didn't feel left out?

That's a very noble intent, yes, but the execution leaves something strongly desir--STOP EATING MY HAIR! For the LAST time, it does not taste like toothpaste! I don't care if yours tastes like cotton candy, eat yours and not mine!

Gods help the Pinkies that are with Luna right now. I haven't heard her since the pink clone invasion started, and usually that is a very bad sign given her loudmouth tendencies. I can only hope she is safe and out of harm's way, because your clones are relentless.

Wait, I am hearing something. It's a... marching band?

Oh dear gods, they found the music room! And unlike your wonderful one-mare band, they're all playing the instruments terribly! I haven't heard music this terrible in... well, two days since the nobles sung a song about how saving funds is fun, in reaction to some ponies recently evicted from their apartments.

Cuppa offered the evicted ponies free coffee. Shows how much of a heart he's got to make up for the heartless.

Anyway, I now have a musical massacre to try and fix before things get out of hoof. If you're home, stay home. Things are going to get ugly in my castle halls tonight, and you don't want to be caught in the crossfire.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Alright, you cheap knockoffs of the Horror of Ponyville, you want some fun?!

Good, because we're about to play a game. And I play for keeps.

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