//------------------------------//
// Celestial Advice 
// Story: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by milesprower06 
//------------------------------//

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher





Dear Twilight,

Hahahahhahahhahahhahah!!! Oh, this is too much!!

So, you have an overachieving student whose ego may now be larger than Discord. Sound familiar?

This is utterly amusing! Seeing you panic about what danger Starlight may end up in. I nearly thought you actually cared. Emphasis on the word nearly. I’m certain that you’re only concerned because she has, so far, been your only medium for sexual gratification.

Who’s the idiot that gave you that idea? I mean what’s the worse that could happen? She’ll create a black hole that could tear Equestria apart and a hundred years from now the incident will be known as Calamity Starlight?

All I did was just dump my problem, that’s you by the way, in the most chaotic driven town and let it fend for itself and that worked out just fine.

Your superior princess,
Celestia





Dear Celestia,

If that’s what I should do…. Then there are even more problems!!! If she’s me and I’m you, then she’ll sprout wings in no time and we’ll all end up living in Equalestria by the Alicorn of Equality!!!

Your even more concerned princess,
Twilight

P.S. And my only medium for sexual gratification? Yeah, I wish. She took a vow of celibacy before starting her friendship lessons.





Dear Celestia,

Have you been under the sun so long that your brain is fried?!! How is it a good idea to have all of us look into Twilight’s mindscape about Starlight??? I’m still trying to bleach my eyeballs after seeing what Twilight had in mind for Starlight. Just the two of them. Alone. In a dungeon… Urgh!!!!

Mentally scarred,
Spike





Dear Princess Twilight,

Alright, so let me get this straight. I’ve been your student for a short amount of time, and now that I have this worthless medal and some nutjob friends, you think I have enough “friendship” in me for my graduation?

I call bullshit! Especially when in the past I was in the verge of destroying Equestria as we knew it with my enhanced time travel spell. How was it that I was not sent to Tartarus? But no, that didn’t happen. You just had to be the “Princess of Friendship” and made me your student… What hell you have given me since then...

And now that I saved Equestria from a changeling invasion, you had to hog the spotlight about how it was you reforming me as your student that led to that. Please. I can see through those lies. If I recall, it was your fault that Queen Chrysalis escaped her imprisonment. So, you’re pretty much to be blamed for the changeling invasion happening to begin with! Yeah, never thought I’d think of that, huh, Twilight…

Fuck this bitch, I’m going to bed!

Your pissed ex-student,
Starlight Glimmer





Dear Starlight,

You and I have become good friends over the past year, and I'm having just a bit of trouble understanding your latest decision.

Twilight released you to pursue your own path and you... You... Chose to stay here? When you could go get a room in the Crystal Empire and be closer to your boyfriend?

For crying out loud, I've been looking for an out for years. Is it really that fun frustrating her with your vow of celibacy?

Sincerely,
Spike





Dear Spike,

In short? Yes. Yes it is.

But it's not just that. Last I checked, I live here pretty much rent free. And that vow of celibacy thing was kinda just for her. My fling with Trixie is going great, by the way.

Oh don't look so surprised. Polyamory is a beautiful thing.

Sincerely,
Starlight





Dear Princess Celestia,

What do you mean you weren't aware you were an expression?

Do you mean to tell me that after all this time, you haven't heard ANYPONY say that? Seriously?

You need to get out more.

Sincerely,
Spike





Dear Subjects,

And just where is MY expression?

Sincerely,
Princess Luna