Dear Princess Twilight,
I came to a conclusion today, as I sit in this bathtub warming up my frozen ribs that the Crystallization process seemed to skip over. Luna's also in the bath. It's a big bath, with so many duckies. You should try it sometime.
Ahem. So , every one of us acted like morons. You, Cadance, Shining, and especially Luna and myself. Why? Because we could have done so much better than what we did. And there's no excuse for why we couldn't. Hindsight’s in overdrive today!
First, I’m not going to place any blame on the biplane baby, despite the fact that she did shatter the Crystal Heart with a resonating wail that most certainly destroyed all of Cadance’s crystalware as well (I’m going to miss those wine glasses she had). Babies will cry and make messes of things, even if said messes happen to threaten an entire empire. But at the same time, they don’t have much of a grasp for things like accountability and collateral damage, especially one that’s recently departed Cadance’s hangar doors. Plus, it’s hard to get mad when she looks just so adorable, even if her wings look like they belong on a griffon. Or an albatross. I’m leaning towards albatross.
Anyway, with the baby matter settled, what could we have done better? Well, for a start, I should have included Rainbow Dash with helping to clear the clouds. Of course, I wouldn’t let her go solo, knowing those clouds were so frigid it would freeze her wings to the point of uselessness, which was definitely what her plan was going to be. Stubborn, hardheaded, and also exactly what we should have supplemented with a warding bubble so she could plow through those clouds like a bowling ball. Or a pinball, depending on whether or not some clouds were more resilient than others.
As crazy as that sounds, I’m certain that just about any idea was better than us blasting clouds with singular laser beams. Rainbow was raring and eager to help, and we delegated her and your friends the duty of migrating townsfolk more stubborn than a mob of rams. And no, I don’t mean the actual mob of rams headed by that whistle-loving Don Knocks and his right-hoof helper, Grandine Griffon. That bunch tends to drive me up the wall for all sorts of ridiculous reasons, but I digress.
As for Cadance, I'd already written to her at length about the apparent lack of knowledge she had shown about the Empire she's presiding over. I would have asked her what exactly she was doing with most of her free time, but I think we could clearly see--and hear--the result as is. Regardless, I requested that she take some time to acquire some knowledge about the Empire whilst being the doting, caring mother she has to be now--if she hasn't learned how to properly multitask before, she will soon enough.
Shining, well… he’ll still be a train wreck. But all new fathers are, and he’s no exception. All things considered, he’d actually done an admirable job organizing the evacuation effort when the ponies gathered for the Crystalling didn’t get the hint--I’m not sure if that’s a testament to your friends being too subtle, or those ponies proving they’re less intelligent than Black Friday shoppers in Manehattan. Whatever the case may be, he proved he has a head screwed on just right. Whether that remains so will come in the next few months for him and Cadance, and I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to hear all about their problems. And so will you--we’re both aunts, after all. We have to stick together now.
Lastly, I’m sure you know all about your mistake. I shouldn’t have to mention the need to preserve precious history books in a crisis unless it’s absolutely unavoidable, as was the case of Tirek. It’s certainly a great boon that you’d recalled one of the necessary spells to save the Empire, but who knows what other knowledge we have lost as a result of that destructively adorable bundle of joy… and sorrow? Perhaps when you have a child of your own one day (no, Glimmer doesn’t count), you’ll learn just how much babyproofing you’re going to need. If you need help in that department, I can redirect you to Granny Smith and her kin. They know all about that process!
Now, that covers almost everything… except for one thing. When I got home, I found this checklist clearly penned by you detailing some procedure for me to make up with Sunburst. I don’t exactly know if that was meant for me, but I do owe him an apology in regards to his stay at my school. I hope you don’t mind if I take this to heart and write to him. He deserves that much from me.
Love,
Princess Celestia
...Wait, Luna, where’s Sunny and Moony? You don’t think they know about the baby yet, do they?
I didn’t want them to know just yet. They should know, of course, but I had to see just how under control Flurry Heart was before we let them see her, lest they cause some monumentally worse natural disasters.
Well, think about it! What would Sunny do if she was there instead of me when the Crystal Heart shattered? I already know the answer: tape. Then glue. Then tape AND glue! Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how every potted plant in the castle looks like it barely survived a hurricane, then didn’t survive an earthquake immediately afterward! And don’t even get me started on my ceramic plates!
Then when her efforts inevitably fail and the blizzard hits, she’d probably try to pull the sun in to fix the chilly problem because that’s the same method she used last week to try and melt some super frozen yogurt from the freezer! The sheer amount of sunburn complains from that in addition to the slew of other environmental problems was more than enough to convince me that she shouldn’t see Flurry before we did first and--
Oh, uh, hi Sunny! We were discussing something about you. How… good are you with children?
Okay, now what about a baby? Say, Cadance’s baby? Do you think you can handle--
...Yes, dear sister. I do see the hole in the bathroom wall. And hear her screaming “I LOVE BABIES!” at the top of her lungs.
You think it’ll take fifteen seconds for her to leave a hole in your tower? What do you take her for?!
I think she’ll do it in ten.