• Published 7th Jun 2012
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Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student - milesprower06



Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.

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Hiatus Bonus Chapter: Exclusive! Discord Explains It All!

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Hiatus Bonus Chapter

THE FOAL FREE PRESS
EXCLUSIVE! DISCORD EXPLAINS IT ALL!

Good day to you, Equestria. Discord, Master of all things chaos at your service. I understand that some ponies have been wanting to better understand what it is that I do here in Canterlot ever since my reforming. I will also be taking this time to squash some of the more common and annoying rumors about what it is that I do here. So away we go!

The most common rumor of my reforming is that Celestia was beginning to get bored, and wanted some more interesting action in the sack. I can tell you with 100% certainty that this is simply not the case. As historians may recall, I was turned to stone for a reason. The most common false theory was because of all the chaos I was causing around Equestria. You know, ponies howling at the moon, and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon, and all that. Not true. After getting permission from the Foal Free Press to cast a spell on this article to make it invisible to Celestia's eyes, I can now come forward with the truth.

I was stoned because I cheated on Celestia. Why? Because she's not that great in bed. Yes, it's true. You heard it here. The Princess that raises your sun every morning and sets it every evening is actually a pretty pathetic lover. Every so often she finds somepony who is equally hopeless in sexual endeavors and selects them as a student; perhaps to show the young filly or colt that you can really suck at the bow-chika-bow-wow and still grow up to be the ruler of a nation. Well, she can fool herself all she wants in her little fantasy world, but sex is where it's at. So one night, I went over to her sister's room. Let me tell you; Luna has got it going on.

As the Princess of the Night, Luna has access to some seriously steamy stuff. I believe she recently tried to break into the pornography industry using Twilight Sparkle's cream dreams. But ever since she became an alicorn, Twilght has installed DRM on her sexual fantasies, so they are essentially useless to Luna. But that long oh-so-long ago. She was just so good...I mean she made my goat leg go numb. Apparently we were so loud that Celestia came to investigate. Let's just say that I stayed hard for the better part of a millennium. So she puts me in the castle courtyard, and flings Luna to the moon. I was insanely jealous of the moon. It was gonna be getting some for the next thousand years. Some wonder how she turned me to stone. No, it wasn't a spell of hers or the Elements of Harmony. She tied me down to the bed and fucked me with a cockatrice.

So how did we come to amicable terms upon my reforming? I clearly stated that we were over, and that I would continue to see Luna, and I highly suggested that she take tips from her younger sister, so that she can one day make an unwilling pony very awkward and uncomfortable. Other than that, I haven't really done anything significant yet. I think Celestia's still a bit mad. All I can do is bide my time and rail the sexiest mare in Equestria while I wait.

I hope this provided a good look into just how funny life here at the castle can be.

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