Dear Princess Ember,
I wish to extend a formal statement of gratitude towards your unwavering assistance toward ponykind. I’ve received plenty of reports from Princess Twilight regarding dragon culture thus far, and I commend you greatly for putting up with her torrent of questions, and further wish you the best of luck in maintaining your sanity for handling her correspondence in the coming years.
Yes, years. What happened over these past few months you ought to treat as a warm-up for the millennia worth of questions she’s prepared. She’s been spacing it out so as to not overwhelm you, but I warn you now that some days she may lack the self-restraint.
In addition, your assistance in aiding Spike’s discovery of his draconic heritage has been most beneficial for him, for the most part. Serving as his tutor, teaching him the explosively arcane language of dragons, and being a good friend has lifted his spirits in ways you cannot imagine.
With that in mind, although I appreciate all the help you’ve given both of them in their tasks, it is now my turn to ask you for assistance regarding a troubling matter.
Spike has a voicemail now that he never had before. More specifically, I’m getting some form of automated response in writing whenever I send him a message that goes as follows:
“Hello! You’ve reached Spike the Brave and Glorious, two-time savior of the Crystal Empire, personal aide to the Princess of Friendship, romantic pursuer of ivory equines, and reigning champion of Ponyville’s Fire-breathing Nine-alarm Chili Festival! I’m not available right now to process any letters, but I’ll deliver them as soon as possible!”
Now, I’m trying to keep my composure here and be as cordial as possible regarding my inquiry, but what in the name of me were you thinking teaching him how to put my letters on hold?!
When he became the personal aide to Twilight Sparkle, I spared no details in stating he would effectively be a draconic fax machine so long as he served under her. Granted, giving him the title of “Royal Liaison” made that sound so much bigger than it was at the time, but now that he’s fulfilling more duties that actually aspire to the title, it is more important than ever that I continue to keep my correspondence with Twilight unimpeded by nonsensical wait times.
Since you’ve been teaching him about his newfound talents, I take this question to you, Ember. Is it possible to get him to remove that ridiculous voicemail so that my messages don’t get held in limbo?
Any assistance you can offer in this matter is greatly appreciated.
Waiting on an actual dragon to reply,
Princess Celestia
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Having read the comics, I know that you did this first, Celestia...
"If you know the name of the friendship problem, please write 1. To choose from a list of friendship problems, please write 2. If you just want to get through to Princess Twilight, please keep reading this message, and she will get right back to you."
Oh, a reference to the "Tongue Tried"?
Greetings, supplicant. You have reached the gizzard of Dragonlord Ember, the Azure Flame of Cunning and Wisdom. I am currently busy surveying my realm and bringing my subjects to heel, and cannot presently respond to messages from lesser species. I will reply to your humble missive when I have the time.
P.S. Twilight, if this is you, just use the bypass we agreed on. And remember that it's on a strict one yard of parchment per day limit.
I was waiting for this to happen.
7927449
...
I may or may not have helped ambion with that, yes, and this may or may not be a mild reference to the help.
You may or may not take this as truth or with a grain of salt.
Pretty sure I know what Spike's hoard is.
So the questions Twilight asked regarding the dragon culture and everything about dragons was in the A-list. I guess she has more in the B-list.
It's kind of like how Twilight had a bunch of friendship lessons prepared for Starlight in the season 6 premiere when the lists were separated in the A-list and the B-list. And the list of B-list friendship lessons filled up the whole table!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/3/26/1117206__safe_twilight+sparkle_screencap_smiling_princess+twilight_animated_floppy+ears_grin_starlight+glimmer_discovery+family+logo.gif
spike is a draconic fax machine, you sir have won this corner of the internet for the time being.
You have reached the Ember Amber alert dragon helpline.
If you need assistance with an unruly young dragon, press 1...now.
If you need an interpreter for foreign dragon diplomacy, press 2.....now
If you need a recommendation for 5 star Quarry restaurants suitable for dragon tastes, press 3....now.
If you nee *CLICK* beep beep beep beep beep
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/6/34496__safe_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_princess+celestia_comic_vulgar_artist-colon-mixermike622_trollestia_telephone.png
7928436 He's messing with her, isn't he.
7929266 Doesn't take much to overwork a dragon!
7929374 Well, most incarnations of dragons are referenced to be highly lazy.
7928436 Wait, I want to see the menu for that last one!
alas for canon.
7928056
Those lists implied alphabetical arrangement by the starting letter of the concepts. There are also lists of equal size for the rest of the alphabet.