Huh... What do you know.
It didn't much surprise the Boss that she found herself in a ruin, though the village it seemed to be got her attention. What wasn't completely reduced to rubble looked like something out of one of her favorite storybooks from her childhood. No nostalgia, though, which she found disappointing.
The President found herself near a river, close to what might have been a bookshop or library and the remains of some other buildings. The river flowed gently behind her, only occasionally making itself audibly known. There was no wind, which the human did find odd. Even in virtual Steelport, there was a gentle breeze to blow around her voluminous brown hair or long black coat. But here, there was nothing. The air was still, and the lighting was dim, despite the sun hanging directly overhead in the cloudless sky.
The first thing she did was jump. Unsurprisingly, she only rose a foot or two off the ground before landing. "No powers. Of course." She reached for her favorite SMGs and pulled them out to hold them up, looking around the place for stuff to shoot. And while she couldn't see anything, she could hear what sounded like STAG's last day in Steelport in the distance; angry cries and sounds of fighting.
"Welcome to Ponyville, Boss," Kinzie chimed from the unicorn's simulation's audio system.
"Ponyville? Holy shit, it really is My Tiny Horsey." the President muttered.
"You read that, too?"
"Yeah."
There was a brief pause. "Huh. Follow the screaming."
---
They'd found her again. They had found her hiding place almost immediately and she was now running for her life. Not only had Ponyville's residents found her, but her friends AND Fluttershy's animals were now hot on her tail.
"Come back, Twilight!" she could hear Fluttershy callng from behind her in her sweet, yet amplified tone. "Mr. Bear is really hungry!"
"Fluttershy!" Twilight screamed tearfully, not daring to look back at the mob in favor of watching for Rainbow Dash's occasional divebombs. "I'm your friend! I didn't do anything! Please, help me!"
No answer. There never was.
"Welcome to Ponyville, Boss." Twilight jumped at the unfamiliar, disembodied, feminine sounding voice that seemed to come from nowhere. "You read that, too?"
"Hello?!?!" Twilight cried out hoarsely, taking a hard right to dash towards the endlessly burning remains of her library.
"Huh," it said again. "Follow the screaming." Follow the screaming? ... Twilight's hither-to dispaired, exhausted expression began to give way to a hopeful ghost of a smile. Whatever that voice was, it wasn't talking to her... maybe somepony had come to help! Unwilling to let this opportunity slip away, she began screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!"
---
The Boss ran through the ruined streets of Ponyville, SMGs clutched in each hand as she followed the sounds of screaming as told. "So, who am I looking for? A horse covered in rainbows?" she asked incredulously, grinning a smartass grin.
"No, that one'll try to kill you. Twilight Sparkle is short, with purple fur," Kinzie replied with a tinge of urgency to her voice. "She's being chased by the entire town. You can't miss her. Now hurry up! If she dies, the simulation will reset."
The President picked up the pace of her running, rounding a corner to see a burning tree, a line of burning buildings, and a large mob of... colorful ponies wearing angry expressions and chasing one lavender coated unicorn. "... I'm not even surprised anymore," the self titled "puckish rogue" muttered as she brought those black, laser pointing SMGs to bear on the crowd and opened fire.
---
As she heard that weird voice from the sky mention her by name, Twilight screamed louder, ignoring the rest of the entity's sentence as she picked up the pace. It was true! Somepony was finally here to save her! All she had to do was keep running and screaming long enough to be found. Or to be caught and murdered again, a pessimistic part of her chimed in.
Dodging another Rainbow Dash dive, the unicorn lowered her head as she made a hard left turn around a corner to try and grow the gap between her and her mob of pursuers. She risked a look back at the band of ponies that chased her, seeing some of them tripping over one another as they scrambled after the fleeing librarian. She had learned to take a little bit of pleasure in seeing that. In a place that loved to kill her, it was about the only pleasure she had.
Twilight turned her gaze forward to keep watch on where she was going, and nearly stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing what stood near the burning ruins of her home.
It was a creature she had never seen before. A creature with pale white skin visible only on its face, and at the ends of two of its appendages. Long, brown hair hung around its shoulders, and a pair of small black shades covered its small eyes. Its frame was slim, with the only exceptions being two odd mounds that protruded from its upper torso. It wore all black clothing; a long black coat that opened in the front for an equally black turtleneck, with sleeves that extended all the way to the... claws on the ends of its arms, leaving the tips of five little claws exposed. It wore plain black pants and some kind of black boots she had never seen before. In both of its claws, it clutched a long black object with a beam of thin red light pointing from the end of each. And both of them were being pointed in her direction.
Twilight didn't dare to stop to examine this thing, however, just sprinting in its direction. Then those weird objects in its claws began to light up at the end repeatedly, each flash being accompanied by a loud noise. She equated it to the sound of many metallic... playing cards being repeatedly, rapidly flicked by the spokes of a fast moving carriage. If the sound was amplified many times over. It was loud, and grew louder the closer she got.
Upon reaching the stranger, the bookworm looked back over her shoulder and subsequently stopped running; something she hadn't voluntarily done in a long time without hiding. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.
Ponyville's murderous residents were being struck by something moving too fast for her to see, and anypony that got hit both released a spray of blood and collapsed in a heap of pain and voltage. "... S-Sweet Celestia..." she uttered, taking note of the other Element Bearers as they took hits and cried out in agony. Despite all the attrocities they had inflicted on her time and time again, Twilight still found a way to feel nauseous from the graphic scene before her.
As she fought her stomach, she stood and panted a little ways behind the unknown being, unsure of what to do or say.
---
The President of the United States of America had learned to love several new things since she entered the Simulation. She had never lost her love for sniping, and indeed, the "cache" bonus she got from popping heads in the Simulation had only made it sweeter. The massive explosions caused by her favorite little pistol, knockback aside, never stopped being entertaining, satisfying, or effective. And whenever she saw a large group of people, she could never resist whipping out her SMGs and unloading on them, watching them collapse into electrified heaps regardless of whether or not they deserved it.
These... ponies... definitely filled that last one. Watching them fall over each other and die brought a fiendish grin to the Boss' lips, making her chuckle and chortle as she unloaded on them. As she sprayed hot, electrified lead into the equine horde, however, she could hear the telltale clicking that warned of her dwindling ammo. And as soon as they clicked empty, the Boss ejected the spent clips and reloaded with incredibly practiced ease. Before they could get any more than a few feet closer, she was already firing again.
A bit of movement in the sky caught her eye and she glanced in its direction, seeing a rainbow-y streak diving right for her and the appropriately colored unicorn she was protecting.
"S-Sweet Celestia..." she heard this Twilight Sparkle emit quietly, now finding herself, again, wondering about the usefulness of this equine as - in the veritable blink of an eye, she swapped her SMGs out for her pump-action shotgun and trained it on the speeding pegasus, waiting only a second before pulling the trigger.
---
Twilight's more curious side had to marvel at the ease with which this strange being fought, though was quickly taken out of said marveling when she spotted Rainbow Dash on a course directly for them. "Look out!" she cried, pointing a hoof towards the cyan mare as she also saw the stranger pull out a longer object - this time covered in a purple plaid pattern - and point it right at Rainbow.
A deafening BANG issued forth from the object and her flyer friend screamed out in pain. Blood erupted from her face as buckshot met speeding pony skull, not only reducing the latter to a messy, chunky red shower, but also sending what remained flying into the distance. Twilight turned her head and shut her eyes, fighting the urge to vomit while hearing more loud bangs. She could hear more loud cries as the strange being unloaded on the rest of them.
Twilight shut her eyes, fell to the ground, and covered her ears, whimpering pathetically as she silently begged for it all to stop.
---
"Hm. Chipped a nail," the Boss quipped in a bored tone, despite her grin, turning the shotgun towards the thinner crowd and opening fire. It certainly helped to push them back as it sent unicorns, pegasi, and boring, normal ponies flying in a spectacular fashion. In fact, as the tenth blast scattered the aggressors away, she realized she could count those still alive on her fingers. Away went the shotgun and out came her Saint-ified alien pistols, dispatching those remaining while mimicking the noises they made. "Pew. Pew pew pew~"
Nineteen pews later, the town was still and bloodied. The corpses of the entire populace were strewn all over the street ungracefully, their blood dying the tightly packed dirt red. Her hand drifted idly to where she kept her H.M.D. (Holdout of Mass Destruction), contemplating blasting the largest pile of bodies before deciding to save the charge and forgo it.
"That's all of 'em. What now?"
"I'm working on your way out, but something's keeping me from finishing up. It looks like there's one pony that holds the Simulation together. Kill it," came Kinzie's voice from the sky, followed briefly by Pierce in the background expressing his confusion over that sentence. "Oh, and you should probably see if Twilight's okay."
The President sighed and turned around to see her charge cowering pitifully on the ground a few feet behind her, hooves over her ears, eyes shut tightly, and many a whimper and wish emitting from the terrified purple equine. She sighed and turned to walk towards the unicorn, wondering what to say before winging it.
---
Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt something tap her left flank once, twice, three times, not having the energy to really do so. What she DID do was scream and try to scramble away from the one whom had saved her. She ended up tripping over her own hooves, though, and took a tumble while managing to not go anywhere.
She raised her head from the dirt and looked back to see the bipedal being standing over her, wearing what was either a confused or annoyed expression as it looked down at her. It was difficult to tell with the sunglasses. "... W-W-Who are you...?" Twilight stammered as she panted heavily, looking up at her savior with renewed fear. Renewed fear that came from the sight of slaughter.
She could see dozens upon dozens of dead ponies, and could recognize almost all of them. The fact that this creature was capable of such terrible feats was now hitting her and hitting her hard. Regardless of how it had just saved her life, it had also just mowed down the entire population of Ponyville, herself, young, and animals not included. "Please don-... don't hurt me... I'll do anything..." she begged, shutting her eyes as her entire body quaked with fear.
In response, the being looked down at her with a thoughtful expression before crouching down to be more at her head level. Even if Twilight was still on the ground. "Wasn't planning on it," it said, its voice sounding feminine and full of confidence. "You're Twilight Sparkle?"
Slightly surprised, but happy to know she wasn't about to die again, the unicorn shifted around to sit on her haunches and be at the same head level with the crouching creature. She got a peek behind those shades as it looked down briefly, getting a peek at its absurdly small eyes. They were a rich red. "... I... I am..."
It... No, she smirked a slight smirk and nodded. "I'm the President of the United States," she replied, her tone again full of confidence and pride. "I'm getting you out of here."
Those last six words made her eyes widen, forgetting immediately about the lack of a given name as tears came to her violet eyes. Unable to help herself, she launched herself at the "President of the United States", wrapping her forelegs around her torso in a tight hug. "Oh thank you! Thank you so much!" she cried, starting to also cry as the unexpected hug knocked the bipedal being onto her back.
---
"Whoaa!" the Boss cried as the unicorn tackled her to the ground for a hug, very nearly punching Twilight in the face purely by reflex before realizing that the unicorn was only hugging her, sobbing into her chest. Again, she very nearly punched the unicorn for that, but she didn't want to ruin her chances of rescuing the violet equine. So she just dealt with the fact that a crying purple unicorn was sobbing into her breasts and hesitantly put a hand in her mane. She couldn't help a slight smile as she did so, acknowledging her inner child's desire to have a pony of her own.
It didn't take long for the Boss to realize that this wasn't the time, however. "Uhhhhh... I'm gonna need you to let go now..." she stated awkwardly, trying to pry the purple equine off of her. It was surprisingly easy, as Twilight let go and sniffled.
"I'm sorry..." she uttered in a dejected tone.
Many had questioned the leader of the Third Street Saints' morality. Many had thought she was a heartless bitch with the capacity for kindness of a tiny rock. Many had seen her as a sociopath with an unquenchable thirst for death and destruction. Many had continued bragging about the time they saw her streaking that one time in Sunset Park. Mostly the first two, and for good reason.
But when the President saw Twilight Sparkle sitting there, sniffling and weeping with her head down, her heart melted. "... Ah, fuck it. C'mere," she conceded, getting back up and shuffling forward to pull the purple pony into a less awkward hug. The purple pony was all too willing to return the favor, clinging to the human as if letting go would mean death.
"Awwwwwwww..." came a faint uttering from Pierce, whom had apparently been watching beside an oddly silent Kinzie.
"As adorable as that is," Matt Miller's English accent interjected suddenly, sounding like he had just finished a Nyteblade squee, startling the Boss and scaring the hell out of Twilight Sparkle. "You need to get moving. I can see an army headed your way."
---
Twilight hadn't expected this creature to react in such a way. Rejecting her, then hugging her again was nothing original, but this... alien... She wouldn't have guessed.
Then came the voice from the sky... male this time, and seeming like he was containing himself. He spoke of an army. "... Oh no..." she uttered softly, now her turn to retract from the hug. "Oh no... no no noooooOOO this is bad!" Her voice was fearful, nearly panicked.
The President raised an eyebrow and Twilight let out a nervous, stressed whine. "They always come when I've lived long enough... and... and... she comes with them." Memories of such events flooded her mind and made her shudder.
---
"She?" the Boss repeated, pulling her SMGs from her coat and aiming it down the street, away from the mounds of dead simulant equines. She could already hear marching coming from that direction. To her annoyance, no answer came from the unicorn she was supposed to be saving.
"Boss!" Kinzie suddenly chimed in. "That pony I told you about. She's coming, and she's pissed!"
"So what else is new?!" the President yelled, electing to reload and put away her SMGs in favor of producing her sniper rifle seemingly from the Aether and looking through the scope. Brilliant timing, too, as the army came into view; a mass of normal ponies, unicorns, and pegasi clad in shiny golden armor and wielding various sharp and pointy weapons. The Boss clicked her tongue and fired. She could practically taste the "cache" she'd get from all of these ponies.
"There's data clusters all over this Simulation, too. Get them. You'll need your powers," Kinzie pressed, and the Boss nodded, reproducing her SMGs before grabbing Twilight's hair briefly and giving it a brief tug.
"Come on, we gotta go."
---
Twilight was lost. These voices, the sudden appearance of another weapon in her savior's claws, this "Simulation", data clusters, she was completely lost. But regardless, when her bipedal savior urged her to follow, she nodded and obliged, following the President between a couple of buildings to see her sprinting towards an odd collection of light.
Upon touching it, the light disappeared and the creature grinned. Suddenly, she turned around and sprinted towards her... VERY quickly. "Waaaah!" she yelled as the stranger scooped her up, hanging on tightly as she could while the Boss zipped around town.
---
The Boss found it surprisingly easy to super sprint with a unicorn clinging to her, managing to shift Twilight onto her back as she collected as many clusters as she could find. "So... what's your story?" she asked casually as she collected a fourth cluster, bending down mid sprint to spring into the air. She could see everything from up there... Including a giant horse.
She could hear Twilight gasp as she saw the horse, white furred and with a flowing mane and tail of many colors. "... P-Princess Celestia..." she stammered, making the leader of the Saints both grit her teeth and grin at the name.
"Is that your 'she'?" The unicorn could be felt nodding. "Riiiight... fuck." She could now see why she needed her powers. She couldn't imagine taking down that huge winged unicorn with bullets. Paul was able to shrug off rockets and bullets, and it had taken a possession of the statue of Joe Whatshisface to kill the marketing monstrosity. This thing? "Kinzie, can I nuke it from orbit?" she quipped hopefully as she collected another cluster of clusters. "Just keep getting clusters."
"Twilight Sparkle! Come and face your punishment!" a loud, booming, feminine voice called out, making the Boss' passenger cringe and try to make herself as small as possible.
The President of the United Stated grinned a slightly nervous grin. "This should be fun."
---
Several minutes went by as the unicorn hung on to the Boss' back, watching as she ran into many odd floating clusters of light. Perhaps these were data clusters? Regardless of what they were, she remained silent for a long while, but finally spoke up after roughly the 40th cluster.
"... Miss President?" she finally said after all of that silence, no longer crying.
The biped looked over her shoulder at Twilight, her brown hair, getting in the mare's face. "What is it?"
"... What are we going to do?" she continued, seeming very unsure.
The President grinned, looking back down at her arms before thrusting her right one at a nearby wall. As she did so, a blast of ice flew from it and impacted on the wall with the sound of dozens of shattering icicles. "I'm gonna kill Little Sunbutt."
Under any other circumstances, Twilight Sparkle would've been angry with this creature... But after being murdered by her mentor so many times, it didn't even occur to her. "But how?! She's... well, Princess Celestia!"
With absolute confidence and a raise of her SMGs, the biped looked back at Twilight and answered. "Easy. I shoot her until she dies."
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Sniper rifle? What, no dubstep gun?
Eh, each to there own.
But PLEASE tell me she has the tentacle bat, it would be hilarious if she just pulls it out in the fight with Celestia and slaps her halfway across town.
This gunna be gud.
If there are no beatings with giant purple dildos, I will be sorely disappointed.
Boss versus Celestia? No contest.
YES! ALL OF MY YES!
errr... I mean
This has the Ordo Malleus' seal of approval, do continue.
5445446 I bet that your goal for today was to find the most extravagant way to describe it. Have a cookie.
5445707
5445788
Dildo bat, hell. I'd like to see her pull out the Rectifier and jab it where Celestia's sun don't shine.
5445833 The Ordo Hereticus sends its regards, as well as its Stamp of Approval. We are not so sure of the Ordo Xenos, however....
Very nice. It does need some screen time with the more ridiculous weapons though. XD
Rip her down to size with the Shrink Stomp, then squish her. XD
But all in all, excellent story.
You guys know that the gag melee weapons won't work on Celestia. Her AOE will thump your ass.
What you need to do is activate a quick time event to weaken her then "jump" into her digital body and explode her from the inside.
This is so fucking stupid. I'm still going to read it but after Twitwi gets out, then what? I can't see much happening past that - though maybe you'll surprise me! Who knows?
Also, Boss had better hit Sunbutt with the dildo.
*Cues fight music* This is going to be fun
Needs more StreetSweeper but I like it! First cross-over between MLP and Saints Row that I found but I really like the idea.
This situation calls for the inflato ray
Please, please tell me that she'll use the Penetrator on Celestia, much to Twilight's horror
What better way to spend new years eve than reading some SR4 fanfics while drinking a bottle of Captain Morgan and while watching Tosh.0...
1 hour to midnight!!!
5448442 jokes on you. It already happened. Happy fuckin' new year, mate.
... I don't drink. Shit.
5448472 happy New year bro plus I'm a girl. Have a pleasant 2015 before me!
shooting something until it dies is usually a good fighting technique, and proven time and time again!
I'm gonna make a blind guess... The president defeats Celestia in a way a bit similar to the Wardens? (Perhaps even gains wings & can fly around?)
5448326
That's... what... the fourth or fifth vote for the Boss to use the dildo bat on Warden!Celestia?
I am intrigued with where you're taking this setup. The characterization you've done for the boss so far certainly seems to fit with the games, even taking into account videogame cruelty potential. At the least, the fight with Celestia should be fun...and even more traumatic for poor Twilight. She's going to have a serious case of PTSD after finally escaping this hell-sim.
And now I want to go play SR4 again....
5448326 I can imagine Twi making nearly the same face as your icon. XD
1. i picture the president as frickin ginger powder (novs's sr3/4 character)
2. why no dupstep gun
5445833
5445889 *CRICKCH* HOW THE FUCK DO I USE THIS- (Tries to sound all official) UH- ORDO... FUCK WHAT WAS MY LINE??? *CRICKCH* ORDO XENOS HERE, AND... HOLY SHIT, BY THE EMPRAH YOU NUTSUCKERS WRITE SMALL!!!
(In the back ground) NOT AS SMALL AS YOUR DICK!!!
WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!!! IMMA SHOVE MY BOOT UP YOUR ASS FAR ENOUGH TO- *CRICKCH*
FUCK IT!!! ANGRY MARINES TO FAKELY GIVE ORDO XENO'S APPROVAL TOO!!! IF ANYONE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT THEY CAN GO LICK AN ULTRASMURF'S BALLS ONCE THEY DROP!!!
What I imagine playing in the background in the upcoming battle between the President of the United States and Princess Celestia
I'll be honest. Since you are writing for a Female Boss, I am using Hispanic Female from SR2 & "The Third" in my head as I read it. Why? Because she collects glass unicorns.
/)
(\
...also, I can't stand any of the female voices in SR4.
One comes off as too ditzy, another comes off as too not-quite-Russian, and I can't even remember the third. I can only hope she's some variant of Female: Black, as I might be able to work with that. Ah, but that is an issue for another night. Time to hit up chapter 3.
I hope there will be a dubstep gun soon, legit saucy
hehehehe, this will be epic!
... is it wrong of me to hope she pulls out the dildo bat and smacks Celestia around with it?
Awesome job!
I always think of my own character whenever someone says 'the boss'. She's bald, black and French. (I thought that if I could create the president of a country I don't even live in, I'm gonna' make them the least likely person to be elected.)
Way to channel your inner merc with a mouth, Boss!
...speaking of, is anyone else as excited for that movie as I am? You know, the Deadpool movie?
5724481 I played as a woman with the male British accent.
Care for some tea?
7941906
No, fat female, bearded, pink hair, and a nolan north voice