Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Call of the Cutie

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Call of the Cutie

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I walked into Sugarcube Corner to find the place a complete fucking disaster. For some reason, Pinkie decided to have Applejack's down syndrome sister help baking some cupcakes. They looked only slightly worse than dried turds. Apparently, she's been trying to get her cutie mark. So because she took advice from one of the town's lezponies, she's trying all these random tasks in hopes of finding the one she'll be forced to endure for the rest of her life. Becoming even more desperate, she turned to me, asking me to use my magic to automatically give her a butt symbol. So what I initially tried was cart-pulling slave labor. That one faded away. I then tried Benjamin Franklin, a serial killing victim, teddy bear stuffing, and a tricycle manufacturing sweatshop employee. I tried a few more, and they all faded away. Just to screw with her, I tried a hoofball player last.

Applejack tried explaining to her that cutie marks come with time, and only when a pony discovers that special thing that makes them special. She obviously failed in doing so, but I'm not surprised, because you can't explain things to a retard. Especially earth pony retards. I mean, at least the unicorn retards are good for things like designing dresses. But you don't get too many of those because of the selective breeding laws. So only the geniuses get to screw each other. So in short, my sex life is going to be great in a few years.

In simpleton towns like Ponyville, whenever a filly figures out what the hell they're gonna do with their life, a party gets thrown for them. Most of the other party guests have cutie marks, kind of like “Hey, congratulations, what the hell took you so long?” There are a few without cutie marks, so to them, it's kind of like “Hey, what the hell is taking you so long?”

So after Applebloom failed with the turdcakes, she accidentally walked into the party that she was so adamant on not attending. So clearly, by baking cupcakes on the same day of the party in the same place as the party truly shows her efforts in not attending.

Diamond Tiara, the guest of honor at this party, clearly likes singling out those that don't have cutie marks yet, and belittling those who aren't like her. She reminds me of myself when I was that age.

Then, as I saw Applebloom and two other fillies without cutie marks talking with each other at a table, I felt a cold shiver run down my back.

This town is about to be hit by a number of disasters...I can feel it.

Your concerned former student,
Twilight Sparkle

Comments

[DragonLS]

Ehhh... This chapter is lacking a bit in the laughter department. Don't get me wrong, it was funny, but not as funny as the rest.

[Lyall]

Not the best but still made me laugh.

That last line.

[Kavonde]

"Diamond Tiara, the guest of honor at this party, clearly likes singling out those that don't have cutie marks yet, and belittling those who aren't like her. She reminds me of myself when I was that age."

This... is an idea with some serious potential. Evil Twi mentoring Diamond Tiara. Someone write a 'fic!

[SergeantShenanigans]

I LIKE IT!

[meme-asaurus]

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/249/968/667.jpg

[SSky]

I read these in Yahtzee's voice.

I have no idea why.

[infinite scratch]

Apples, mini marshmallows, and chickens
these were the ingredients to make the perfect little fillies
but then celestia accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction
FRIENDSHIP
and thus the cutie mark crusaders were born!
Using their ultra cute diabetes inducing powers
Applebloom, sweetie belle, and chickenloo
will stop at nothing to get their cutie marks
Even if they have to destroy equestrian to get it!

....and that's the intro to every cmc episode in season 3

[kiroki]

It isn't that this isn't as funny as the other ones, it's just that we're used to the joke now.

[Frost]

857179 *twitch* *Twitch* *TWITCH*

[infinite scratch]

858406
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/10/26/0fd50535-251f-42c6-b5d2-1126d2114968.jpg

[RedvsBlue327]

Horray! It's picking back up!

And major LAWLS (I don't even know what that means.) were had at Twilights Cutie mark spell attempts. Ha!

[Frost]

858755 I'd feel like punching you in the face right now if I wasn't laughing so hard. A face-punching feature for the internet would help too. And also the fact that Hasbro is to kid's cartoons as Bethesda is to video games. (AKA, they would actually do that if they could get away with it.)
856737 He's that cynical? I can see someone reading these in his voice.

[JimboTex]

This town is about to be hit by a number of disasters...I can feel it.

My dear Twilight, in the words of a famously perverted Muppet, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"

[GAPDashie]

Applejack tried explaining to her that cutie marks come with time, and only when a pony discovers that special thing that makes them special. She obviously failed in doing so, but I'm not surprised, because you can't explain things to a retard. Especially earth pony retards. I mean, at least the unicorn retards are good for things like designing dresses. But you don't get too many of those because of the selective breeding laws. So only the geniuses get to screw each other. So in short, my sex life is going to be great in a few years.

gifs.gifbin.com/012010/1264091579_kirk_rofl.gif

[Dark Side of the Rainboom]

"I mean, at least the unicorn retards are good for things like designing dresses."
...
...
...
...
...
DAAAAAYYYYYYUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN!!!!

[Jake8765]

Rainbow ain't no lezpony. *prepares pitchforks and torches* KILL HER WITH FIRE!!!

[Geist]

Hahaha, 12 letters in and I'm still enjoying these. Though I admit some have proven funnier then others, which both you and other readers have already said by now, it's proving an enjoyable concept that I just want to keep reading through when I have more time.

Let's see, you have 32 of these letters as of current count......... I have read 12 and it's still marked as incomplete......... This is going to be a long and entertaining little romp.

Nice work so far, Mr. Prower.

[Madeline L-Equine]

1291313
"Hay guise, I'm gonna go on the internet today and get upset over the sexuality of a My Little Pony. This surely will demonstrate to the world that I am a mature individual."

The unicorn retards comment was pure gold. Congrats on being bold enough to use the word retard when there are people out there trying to ban the so-called "r-word."

[Enmar]

:>
CMC are a fore of nature
a dangerous and unpredictable one...

[SuperPinkBrony12]

857179 Someone made something similar to that.

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

Clearly you are unfit for producing slaves

Your thoroughly unconcerned ruler (it's Ponyville's problem, not Canterlot's ), Princess Celestia.

P.S.: You should take Diamond Tiara under your wing. She sounds like she could grow up to be great if you could give her a horn transplant (perhaps from Sweetie Belle? )

[Lhmac]

Hmm. It's interesting information, but why would Twilight write about what happens when kids get cutie marks and the rules of procreating to Celestia, who already knows these things?

[Oxyaction]

2290533 because celestria is stupid, according to twilight that is

[anthonygoforth]

1800246 wow you are crazy celestia

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Twilight has a premonition about the CMC...

Go figure.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[fillyDarkBloom]

I would love to see Twilight taking Diamond Tiara as her own student. Would be awesome. :)

[Eternal Aviator]

So what I initially tried was cart-pulling slave labor. That one faded away. I then tried Benjamin Franklin, a serial killing victim, teddy bear stuffing, and a tricycle manufacturing sweatshop employee. I tried a few more, and they all faded away. Just to screw with her, I tried a hoofball player last.

Not sure how to explaine how much I laughed at this...

[Scarheart]

For some reason, Pinkie decided to have Applejack's down syndrome sister help baking some cupcakes.

Died right there....

[Inferno demon Dash]

Ah, if the show was like this I a would be in a grave for laughing so hard

[Neko Majin C]

If Diamond Tiara reminds Twilight of herself, I may have to start liking her...

KBO.

[Magical Pegasister]

3699559 Nah, that doesn't seem like Twilight would do that cause of the 'unicorn master race thing'

[Shining Dawn]

lezponies

I'm not quite sure what you meant there?

[Shining Dawn]

1800246 Oh HEIL no!!!!!! It MUST be a natural, pure-blood Unicorn. Your suggestion is blasphemy to the Supreme Master Race.
In the name of our Führer, Celestia,
Auf Wiedersehen

[Levana]

Damn, only two sentences to switch from read now to hell no.

[KyleeTheShinyStealer]

This town is about to be hit by a number of disasters...I can feel it.

It's worse than you can ever imagine, Twilight...

[RyGuy4TwinsFan]

5629256 Lesbian ponies.

[StormLuna]

6968454

Lesbian ponies.

Lesbian ponies are the best ponies....straight mares are overrated.