Dear Doctor Kaufen Schneez,
Firstly, I wish to thank you for making time for a house call on such short notice. Believe me, if I had any inkling of advance notice in regards to Sunny and Moony’s ailments, I would have brought them to you long before they developed the respective temperatures of a scorching heat wave and a freezing blizzard.
On the plus side, at least you finally got to use that fire proximity suit I gave you a hundred years ago! I know you thought that was an unusual gift—your face practically wrote a whole dissertation on how much you thought you weren’t going to use it. Of course, I thought that you’d need it for me in case I ever caught a fever like this… which is technically still true. Just not the way you expected it to go, huh?
Per your recommendation I’ve been keeping the girls in separate wings of the castle. I understand your apprehensiveness in terms of the two being in close proximity—the last thing my castle needs is to turn into an impromptu spa with the worst steam problem since Aloe and Lotus’s negligence.
Although… it would be good for Spring cleaning this month. It’s got some risks to factor in, but a clean castle goes a long way toward a healthy recovery! It also helps to prepare for what will no doubt be a tumultuous year of mind-boggling shenanigans.
It really makes me want a vacation. Or a day trip at minimum, like the Crystal Empire. Have you ever been there, doctor? It’s fabulous this time of year, and being around such gleaming crystal sounds really nice right about now.
Anyway, thank you once more for your assistance, doctor. I’ll make sure they stay on their unusually large, brightly colored pills that I hope are ingested orally. You didn’t actually tell me how they’re supposed to take them, but I’m making that decision on good faith. Lots and lots of good faith.
Respectfully yours,
Princess Celestia
…
…No, I really must be certain.
P.S. If these really are anal suppositories, you tell me as soon as you get this, understand? I’m not leaving this to chance. It’s going to help me decide if all I need is a gentle hoof, an oven mitt, or a snap of latex.