Dear Diary,
Instead of spending a wonderful day of kite flying with Trixie, I'm stuck waiting in this accursed room for my fellow student of Princess Twilight.
Apparently, Sunset Shimmer ran out of pages in her book. Thus, she had to come back here and get another one. Guess Sunset's plan of annoying Princess Twilight with random spam letters worked a little too well...
I figured Princess Twilight would have solved the problem by stealing those dimension cutting scissors that are all the rage these days and dump another dang vibrator book into the human world, but I'm guessing another bitchy unicorn beat her to the punch.
Hence, she got me to pass it to Sunset in her place. Guess Little Miss Friendship didn't want to help a friend in person?
I have to say though, I wasn't impressed by this mare. Send an army of brainwashed teenagers to conquer Equestria? Bitch, please. I nearly converted the Mane Six to my cause as well as nearly ended all of time. Amateur. This was Twilight's first student!?! She doesn't even know how to levitate a fucking book!!
Yet, she gets a necklace that allows her to blackmail everyone she knows and loves while I get this useless pink medal of courage! Bogus. What I was more fascinated by, however, was the human world. I was so interested, in fact, that I just hopped right over there. So what if Twilight finds out? I was on par with that bitch and nearly bested her magicwise during our time travelling fiasco. She can go fly a kite for all I care.
And I can definitely lay low. It's easy enough. I've been quite successful hiding in the background when I was stalking Twilight for my revenge plan back in the day.
The human world itself was pretty different, and not so different at the same time. There was this hobo in one corner screaming that it's the end of the world, which seems the same as our world with the usual evil villain on a daily basis. Except here they have to deal with issues such as global warming, woman rights or Trump. Guess Equestria really is a better place. I question why Sunset chooses to stay here. Probably for the wifi.
I also learned that cults are a thing here. Damn. I thought I was the first one to do that. Someone even stole my poisoned Kool-Aid idea!
But the best part was getting these fingers. They are absolutely amazing! I can now do this hand gesture, called flipping the bird, to anypon— I mean anyone I don't like. If only I could do this everyday back in Equestria when I see Princess Twilight. Maybe I'll teach it to Spike.
One thing I didn't like was this outfit. It felt restricting. However, walking around naked was taboo around here. Bet all the guys here would disagree to that notion, Sunset.
Of course, the first thing we teenage girls do is go to the mall. How typical. Let me guess, next thing that'll happen is Sunset complaining about some high school drama. Oh wait. That did happen. Sunset was apparently worried about any magical problems that could come her way with Equestrian magic running rampant.
Eh. My advice? Forget about it. That's what I do since becoming Princess Twilight pupil and I've been doing fine. Well... other than causing Twilight's friends to get brainwashed. But that's beside the point.
Of course, karma decided to fuck with me today as we had to face yet another problem with Equestrian magic just after telling Sunset not to worry about it.
Sunset decided to try and impress me by going at it solo only to get sucked into a mirror. So, in summary, Sunset has faced and survived a friendship orbital cannon, singing sirens, a demon bookworm and a crazy plant lady but gets defeated by a movie theatre employee. What logic is that!?!
I would have just hightailed back to Equestria after my new friend’s supposed demise, but that crazy movie theatre employee decided to transform into a titan and run amuck in the mall.
Oh, Equestrian magic, I hate you so much right now.
I figured it was time to show Sunset how real hero work was done. Hence, when the crazy movie theatre employee kept muttering about who's the fairest of them all to her magic mirror, I snatched her mirror from her. In hindsight, not one of my brightest ideas as I had to start running away from that crazy bitch.
Backed into a corner, I did what I do best. I convinced her that fame wasn't what she wanted. That she needs equality, and what better way to start than with friends?
That seemed to do the trick as she started turning back to normal. Great. Yet another reformed villain. Yay. But does this mean that I have finally mastered the art of friendship or are humans very susceptible to false promises? Maybe I should run for president here. I've heard the current one likes to make false claims, too.
In the end we decided to have a picnic beside the magic portal. It made the perfect dustbin as we threw our litter to the other side.
It was at this moment that we received a message from the bitch herself stating that I can prolong my stay here.
Surprising, I know.
Princess Twilight probably wanted some alone time to do her usual bedroom stuff. Freakin' whore.
Your now humanized pony,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Princess Twilight,
Sunset's a better bedroom buddy than you. Why? She knows what the meaning of consent is when undergoing sexual intercourse. Something you'll never understand.
Your student,
Starlight Glimmer