Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Hurricane Celestia

Dear Fluttershy,

I've been meaning to get around to asking this question, but why do Pegasi use such a ridiculous method to funnel water up to Cloudsdale? There has to be an easier, less natural disaster-causing method than whipping up a water tornado just to transfer reservoir fluid from the selected town to there.

Do you know what happens when Pegasi lose control of the tornadoes they whip up? Pegasi get flung away and crash into all sorts of locations, and if they're fortunate, the tornado disperses. If not, it goes on a rampage tearing through the area for at least an hour before it's corralled and under control. That's not the average time; that's the minimum. I understand it's a Pegasi tradition thing, but seriously, when a tradition threatens the lives of participants and bystanders when things go wrong on an incredible scale, maybe it's time to figure out a balance between upholding tradition and filing a casualty report.

As an example, Winter Wrap Up used to fire Earth ponies into the sky to clear the clouds via catapults and trebuchets. Yes, instead of launching normal things like rocks, they launched themselves the same way Pegasi used to do for their fledgling young for their first flight. "It's raining colts and mares" was not an uncommon phrase at the time.

It took about two centuries before the tradition was finally changed to let Pegasi contribute and make things easier, but they still refuse to have Unicorns help using their magic because... well, I'm sure a good reason still exists to keep that traditional wall standing tall.

Actually, I'll just address Cloudsdale on this, and discuss with them a few methods that would probably cause less collateral damage. Things like hoses, having Earth and Unicorn make buckets and/or a funnel, moving the city closer to lower the required wingpower if they're still stubborn on using that chaotic method... you know, a compromise to make it less compromising if it gets out of hoof.

And they'll listen, because they know what a REAL natural disaster looks like if they don't.

Now, in regards to your lesson, yes, teamwork is a very crucial thing, and everybody's contribution helps, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. But that contribution doesn't matter if you get injured trying to help and fail on an all-or-nothing method, which is a Pegasi-driven tornado powered by criminal amounts of safety negligence.

Pass this along to Rainbow Dash, and I'll look forward to your next letter.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[BlueYoshi]

As an example, Winter Wrap Up used to fire Earth ponies into the sky to clear the clouds via catapults and trebuchets. Yes, instead of launching normal things like rocks, they launched themselves the same way Pegasi used to do for their fledgling young for their first flight. "It's raining colts and mares" was not an uncommon phrase at the time.

I dunno why, but I loved that part.

[Tired Old Man]

5745218

"Pony holidays were insane back in the day. I attended a Mud Pie Festival in Claytown one year just to see what the hubbub was about. The entire thing was dedicated to love of land labor by eating the land as per another Earth Pony tradition.

Ended up eating an entire stand's supply of fried sod cubes. I felt no shame."

~Celestia

[Seether00]

Oooooo.... Rainbow's in trouble.

[silvadel]

5745218

I mean the amount of cloth wasted to catch the falling earth ponies was epic. Resources were rarer in those days and stretching cloth between earth ponies to catch other falling earth ponies -- I am just glad they saw reason on that one point at least.

[SoonToBeWriterBrony]

5745257

what no Luna butting in this time?

[Tired Old Man]

5745350

"Luna doesn't but in ALL the time. She has things to do too, you know.

I think she mentioned something about sanding Shadebeak's talons earlier, so that's probably what--"

"Come back here, you giant chicken! It's not THAT bad!"

"...well, there's your answer."

[Mooncalf]

Good thinking, Celestia. Tell Fluttershy how close she came to suffering permanent or fatal injuries and unleashing a destructive disaster, all on her withers. She won't be coming out from under her bed for another three months.

On another note, "It's Tradition" has always been the last defense of anyone who can't find a real reason why they have to do things in a bad way.

[cosmofur]

Sorry can't help but think of this.

(Oh before anyone asks, yes I'm Jewish)

[Spanner]

5742962 Welcome to religion.

EDIT: I'm sorry some of you were offended. I actually respect religious people. A flame war was not my goal. I just took advantage of an opportunity to joke.

[Spanner]

5742962 If I wanted to stretch the meaning of that lesson to something semi acceptable, I would say that, just because a concept is so foreign to your way of thinking, does not make it automatically wrong. For example, the idea that people could have any impact on global climate change is too unbelievable for some people, yet it is obviously happening.

[Spooky Moon]

what no luna?

[TimeLord11]

Thou art wise indeed Matriarch of the Sun

[user123]

5745818
Semi realistically, she won't be around celly all the time when she writes letters.

[Spooky Moon]

5747069 well yeah but shes been there for the past 54 weeks....STOP FOLLOWING ME GOD DAMNIT

[Aurora Dimmet]

5745450

Don't start that shit here.

[user123]

5747298
nupe

[Spooky Moon]

5745450 ya I agree with the solar guy we don't need a religious flame war here

[Shade]

As an example, Winter Wrap Up used to fire Earth ponies into the sky to clear the clouds via catapults and trebuchets. Yes, instead of launching normal things like rocks, they launched themselves the same way Pegasi used to do for their fledgling young for their first flight. "It's raining colts and mares" was not an uncommon phrase at the time.

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/842/337/cef.jpg

[HeroOfVillians]

5747717 I sure hope his hair is fireproof otherwise that is going to be a one shot wonder: He'll shoot it and then wonder what the hell he was thinking.

[Ausbrony]

Hey there Sunbutt!

Ever think of combining that old Earth pony cloud-clearing tradition with Hearts and Hooves Day?

Speed dating with a difference!!

Your Best Buddy~

Discord!!

[Hillbe]

SHARKNADO What do fish do in the water?

[LeopardCay]

"It's raining colts and mares"

data3.whicdn.com/images/8232650/original.jpg

LOOK OUT BELOW!

[Pinklestia]

5745218

Hahaha!

[Unit 26-Fe]

5758082 SPLAT! Aw goddamnit I'm covered in its guts, I just got my armor waxed too.

[Chimp]

Yeah, for most of this letter I was wondering, why is she talking to Fluttershy about this?

She could probably knock a lot of the stupid out of her country, if she threatened a little godly fury every once in a while.

[Misty Spell]

]---[ From the sky shall rain chocolate milk where once was water. Where once were clouds of white would be pink. Candy will hail from the sky and feed the masses of the lands. The faithful will never go hungry. ]---[
- The Book of Pinkism

[Emperor]

5745257

Maud Pie I bet is a big follower of traditional practices

[DualKitsune]

6056540 And the dentists shall prosper.

[Iron Comet]

Earth Ponys are scottish?

[Lancerlot]

5745218
One day, years later, an Earth pony face-hoofed with a resounding "D'oh!"
He'd just seen a foal playing with a parachute toy...

[Alfoals Trottenbauer]

Do you know what happens when Pegasi lose control of the tornadoes they whip up? Pegasi get flung away and crash into all sorts of locations, and if they're fortunate, the tornado disperses. If not, it goes on a rampage tearing through the area for at least an hour before it's corralled and under control. That's not the average time; that's the minimum. I understand it's a Pegasi tradition thing, but seriously, when a tradition threatens the lives of participants and bystanders when things go wrong on an incredible scale, maybe it's time to figure out a balance between upholding tradition and filing a casualty report.

*Cough cough* Running of the Bulls *cough cough*

[KvAT]

8955914
Ahh, but that's different. You see, the injury IS the tradition.