Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Hurricane Fluttershy
Dear Princess Celestia,
So it seems you and your sister aren't the only ones who know how to run a scam. Just like you two act like the sun and moon don't move on their own, the Pegasi apparently have Equestria convinced that water doesn't evaporate naturally, and that they need rainwater from various sources each year.
I don't know what they do with the water, but apparently nopony ever got a cutie mark in meteorology, because no one questions this water-smuggling scam. I can't even imagine what they use it for. But this year, Cloudsdale has selected Ponyville's water reservoir to supply Equestria with rainwater. Yeah, that's right. Ponies everywhere think that our little reservoir can supply the entire continent with rain for an entire year.
I just don't get Fluttershy. I mean, the tree disguise was perfect, but if she was trying to get out of tornado duty, she should've picked a better spot to hide; someplace farther away from the meeting spot, and not right across the street from the library, ya know? Sheesh.
So the next day, I got yet another example of how this town hates finer education. Instead of listening to what an anemometer was and what it did, they decided to listen to my simpleton fax machine, who said it just measured how fast you go and how strong your wings are. I wonder if there's a device that measures how hard I can hit a dragon.
Of course, Fluttershy plays hooky, and Rainbow goes to check on her. Yet again, she is not very convincing. Pony pox? Really? If you want to really have everypony leave you alone, just tell them it's the T-virus. So Rainbow Dash got Fluttershy all wet, and they admitted their love for each other.
Also, Pinkie must have finally gotten her experimental steroid drug to a prototype stage, because there was a Pegasus in the group that was just...all kinds of wrong. Sorry, but you don't get like that unless you're on something. Seriously, this guy was ripped, and his wings were now the smallest part of his body. And he still flew! What is wrong with this picture?
So Rainbow comes back with Fluttershy after they probably made love or something, and she flies past the anemometer, and completely sucks. I was going to say something mean, but Spike beat me to it, so I knocked him on the head and pretended I cared. Fluttershy proceeded to break up with Rainbow and ran away to her animals, who told her to stop being such a bitch and to start working out. She came back to the track later that day, and improved, but pretty much still sucked. Fluttershy was in tears, and proceeded to break up with Rainbow, soap opera style.
The next day, they were all set to try to break the wing power record. Their first attempt wasn't so hot, and sent everyone flinging in all directions. Apparently Rainbow Dash's eyeballs are strong enough to punch through tree bark. Everyone decides to give it one more try, and Fluttershy finally gets a pussy and decides to help them.
And you know my biggest piece of proof that this whole 'give water to Cloudsdale' thing is a scam?
When the first attempt failed, and Cloudsdale was in danger of not getting their rainwater, Spitfire didn't do a fucking thing.
Scam!
Your ever-vigilant former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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What could they do with all that water? Hm....
I was thinking something similar to this throughout the entire episode.
Yeah, why did Spitfire just stand there? Lazy bitch.
Anyone else notice that Equestrian flora is very weak. Ponies go crashing through trees just fine. Explains why their buildings suck if they are made out of crap wood.
Maybe they sell the water to the desert ponies for high profit?
1903329 Idea!!!!
1903318 They.... What? That last part of your sentence is confusing. You explain why their buildings suck right there! WTF are you trying to get across there?
1903353
I think he meant "Explains" but left the S off accidentally.
1903353
Sorry, typo. Meant 'explains'.
just so fucking funny i cant stop laughing
So damn funny And so true
BTW, would've been funny, if Twilight here was really impressed by this muscle pegasus and made a joke about steroids and "shrinkage" of his wings (you know what I mean). Or said something along the lines of wanting to buck that pegasus.
1903318 Maybe Spitife wasn't suppose to help, maybe she's only suppose to oversee.
Also maybe it's a termite problem or something.
Lastly all of you get your mind of the gutter Fluttershy said "I'm game" not "I'm gay". Yes I'm looking at you Twilight.
HELL YES IT ON FIMFICTION! FAVED!
1903458 You're telling the sex addict to get her mind outta the gutter? Yeah that'll totally work.
"fax machine" STILL LOVE IT!!!
1903486 Oh so THAT'S why she thought that, I knew there was a reason behind it. Poor Twilight just what is it going to take for her to get laid?
1903502 The "I'm game" probably didn't help, since listening through a wall or whatever she does when she stalks her friend probably isn't the clearest. "Huh... what was that...? I'm gay!? ... Damn it even the tree's getting some! "
But yeah.
I'm still betting Celestia's got something to do with her lack of fun time. No reason, just cause.
1903521 Which makes me wonder what Twilight's going to think come Season 3 in this fic when Celestia gives her the task of gaurding an empire.
In case you haven't noticed I'm not your faithful student anymore!
1903526 "You know... After a 1000 years I bet there are some needy stallions out there. Oh and Sombra always was up for anything."
"Spike! Search the castle for his bedroom!"
Hoorah for Fax Machine.
1903541 What do you mean I'm not your type?! I'm a unicorn like you, we're both part of the master race!
maybe twilight should give beefcake a try
Twilight ships Flutterdash. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
At least she cared enough to pretend to care.
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
1903318 It's the only thing that wasn't changed when Discord ruled.
Fucking lol.
1903318 It's not so much that Equestrian flora is weak. Ponies and other Equestrian fauna are made of dark matter.
oh my gods I cant type I am laughing so hard....
Great work as usual, and I am very glad you commented on how Spitfire just sat there and watched. She could have easily put the tornado past the point where it would have worked, yet she did nothing but sit back and watch the weather team crash and burn.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdei4kpdIB1rkupzpo1_400.gif
Heh heh~
1903761
This.
1904068 Hmm, you may be on to something there...<.<
1903318
Why would they send the Captain of the Wonderbolts, which is as much an entertainment/sports team as it is a military outfit, to help with tornado duty for some humdrum town? There's a reason it's called "Duty", it means the pegasi living there have to get off their docks and get it done.
Spitfire was there as a judge and overseer for the record, is all that can be taken from this logically. They didn't break the record, but they did impress Spits.
RAWR! (I love you, Please write more.) *hands you a cookie*
1904606 *takes cookie, looks at it*
How the hell am I supposed to write with this?
Wonderful... heres a lollipop to keep you going! *gives you a rootbeer flaverd lollipop*
1904082 Speaking of FiW that series has been unfournately banned right now due to a new wave of YouTube take down strikes likely caused by the first season DVD. It'll probably come back like Team Four Star and Little Kuriboh because you can't keep a good abridged series down for long.
ever vigilant
I wonder if there's a device that measures how hard I can hit a dragon.
I'm still laughing at this one. Good on ya, mate, I think I might be hyperventilating .
1904631
Simple: Just put it against paper until in falls apart and you get a very crummy story
I'm quite sure she could make one.
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Uneducated masses are less likely to question big sister
Your Iron-hoofed ruler, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: Too bad about your friends. I'm sure they would have been fun to have in bed
1903263 Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Go adopt an abacus or something
And yes, Shining and Cadance
Your favorite former teacher, Princess Celestia.
This is my least favorite episode next to "Swarm of the Century".
Your letter was nice, though.
Classy, as always. Liked how you mentioned FlutterDash and Snowflake. Good times. Keep up the good work!
It's like a whole season of a Showtime soap opera all rolled up into one single letter... complete with a rainwater scam and a cynical education-preacher.
1907500 Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Well, Duh!
Your highly-amused former teacher, Princess Celestia.
Scumbag Spitfire knows you only needed 5 more wingpower, yet still waits on the sidelines.
I lul'd.
Many times.
Favorite for you, my friend!
Shouldn´t they get back together first before that?