• Published 7th Jun 2012
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Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student - milesprower06



Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.

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Three's A Crowd

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Three's A Crowd

Dear Diary,

First off, Pinkie Pie, you owe me a new door. Secondly, you're lucky you didn't hurt Spike with said door. He needs to keep up with his chores. Thirdly, used patio furniture? Splendid! Perfect! They look like they'll go perfect with your used marehood!

So we see Fluttershy off on her train, and not five minutes later, we see Cadance's train coming down the opposite direction of the same track. I'm pretty sure there are no splits in the Ponyville track that soon, so what the hell happened to Fluttershy's train? The Crystal Express comes to a screeching halt, and Cadance disembarks, complete with horn fanfare and...FLASH?!?

Where the fuck have you been? You never write! I've been wanting you to bone me for months! And then you just smile at me and get back on the train? You fucking tease!

So after Cadance and I leave for the Starswirl Museum, Rainbow tells me that Discord made an entrance by flying into a tree. Also, apparently blue is the color of trouble. But Rainbow is also colored- wait, actually, that makes perfect sense. Too bad purple isn't the color of irresistible. So since Rarity didn't have a fainting couch on hoof, Pinkie Pie got a pile of luggage. No idea who it belonged to, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind Discord rubbing his flu all over it.

So, Discord came looking for Fluttershy, when he supposedly lives with her. He and Fluttershy write each other letters, when he supposedly lives with her. Because that totally makes sense. Hey Fluttershy, why don't you write letters to Celestia. I hear she has nothing to do all day since we've started this diary.

And Rainbow may love winning, and she may love her friends even more, but you know what she loves most? Being away from Discord. So after chasing Rainbow off, distracting Pinkie with a balloon, and giving the blue flu to AJ and Rarity, he of course finds Cadance and I. At least my sister-in-law had the foresight to cast a health bubble. We take him back to the library, put him to bed, and are about to be headed back when he gives us a song of what else he needs.

Most of it was useless, but can I borrow Louise the Singing Harp? I want to put it in Bon Bon's bed and trick her into thinking it's Lyra.

So he provides us a ridiculous flying chariot, and we fly all the way out to the southwestern edge of Equestria, where the flower he needs grows. Except its grown all the way into a tree by now. We uproot it, and bam! A huge worm creature. Fuck yes! TENTACLES!!! It looked like Cadance was going to get some first, and I couldn't let that happen. So I freed her, and it grabbed me, but I couldn't tell her to just let me be before she started shooting at it too. Oh well, I suppose not every single creature with tentacles isn't always interested in fucking your brains out. But it did give Discord exactly what he deserved; an actual sickness.

Serves you right for that hideous friendship necklace.

- Princess Twilight Sparkle

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