Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Gauntlet of Fire

Gauntlet of Fire
by milesprower06
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher

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Dear Spike,

I don't get it. From what you told me, these ponies treat you like shit. What the hell gives? Why not let Garble get the scepter and rob them blind and burn their cities to the ground?

- Princess Ember

---

Dear Ember,

Correction; one of them treats me like shit. And it's worth it to see her countless failed sexcapades.

Besides, one of the dragons was right.

We have a lot of pillows.

-Spike

---

Dear "Princess" Spike,

Stop staying with weak ponies.

Your one dimensional dragon bully,
Garble

---

Dear Garble,

Well ain't karma a bitch, eh, Garble? Pretty sure you broke all your bones and your pride in that gauntlet. Plus, as a bigger bonus, I get to humiliate you by making you hug dragons who will most likely murder you later for breaching their personal space.

Take that, tough guy!

Thankful,
Dragon Lord Spike

---

Dear Rarity,

You just had to wear that obnoxious perfume. We were nearly spotted while I was doing valuable research!

A pissed off researcher,
Doctor Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Twilight,

You and I both know that your research is finding which dragon had the biggest dick for your worthless cunt.

Annoyed,
Rarity

P.S. Why did you have to drag me along then?!

---

Dear Crystal Ponies,

Forget WrestleMane-ia. Check out the new overhyped show: "Wipe Out: Dragon Edition."

Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Heil Spike! HEIL SPIKE!!!!
-Crystal Ponies

---

Dear Princess Ember,

If you're still wondering how we got to each location so quickly...

Teleportation Magic. Duh!

That's why we Alicorns are better than weak minded dragons.

Your Overpowered Alicorn,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Princess Ember,

That's my armor, you cunt. Don't forget who owns your ass.

Your angry master,
Valka

---

Dear Dragon Lord Ember,

Hey, call me.

I'll hold your basket anytime.

I'm getting pretty tired of fawning over Rarity without her putting out.

-Spike

Author's Note:

Wish I had more images for you this time around, but either my internet is being retarded, or Derpibooru's servers are. One of the two.

But hey, a Spike episode that was halfway decent!

Comments

[Level Dasher]

Every time I come back to these letters I have to re-remember their alt-U personalities. I forgot about the "Fax Machine" bit for a minute at that first section.
And yes, obviously teleportation, Ember!
Now give Spike a good rut right in front of Twilight just to rub it in her face.

[Harmony Charmer]

Dear Twilight,
You and I both know that your research is finding which dragon had the biggest dick for your worthless cunt.
Annoyed,
Rarity

*SHRIEKING LAUGHTER* Never change, Miles...

[milesprower06]

7131914 Actually, that one belongs to MixMassBasher. He's been a great writing partner this season, and part of the last season too.

[MixMassBasher]

7131920 Thanks.

I really wish more people could see my spinoff story though. I really love feedback like any other writer....

[MixMassBasher]

Dear Ember,
Correction; one of them treats me like shit. And it's worth it to see her countless failed sexcapades.
Besides, one of the dragons was right.
We have a lot of pillows.
-Spike

Why am I suddenly reminded of the song pillowtalk

[milesprower06]

7131941 You know what? Done. Linked your story in the description.

[MixMassBasher]

7131952 OMG Thank You Miles!!!

[fractalman]

"Wipe Out: Dragon Edition."

[Harmony Charmer]

7131920
Oh, really? I'm gonna have to check them out!

[MythrilMoth]

And the legend of Twilicane lives on.

Good letter, though.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

To my draconian subjects,

As is tradition, I must step down now and hold a gauntlet to find a new leader. The gauntlet will be a game of "is your name Torch?" On your mark, get set, go. Oh look, my name is Torch, so it looks like I win. My daughter was right, this smartness stuff DOES help you become leader. See you in another thousand years.

Be awestruck!
-Torch

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Dear Dragon Lord Ember,
Hey, call me.
I'll hold your basket anytime.
I'm getting pretty tired of fawning over Rarity without her putting out.
-Spike

Sure didn't take Spike long to make up his mind about that. Rarity will be super jealous if she finds out.

[Iron Comet]

I bet Ember comes back looking for a little bit of purple throbbing dragon love at some point.

[articunos bitch]

Dear Twilight,
You and I both know that your research is finding which dragon had the biggest dick for your worthless cunt.
Annoyed, Rarity

Hold it! Hold it. Rarity wanted to know this too, that's why she tagged along.

Heil Spike! HEIL SPIKE!!!!
-Crystal Ponies

Seig heil!

Dear Dragon Lord Ember,
Hey, call me.
I'll hold your basket anytime.
I'm getting pretty tired of fawning over Rarity without her putting out.
-Spike

She can make him glow at any time, and he can't doing anything about it until he puts out.

Good author's note, there is not enough Cane being made nowadays.

[Biker_Dash]

The Twicane will NEVER die...

[Red Bomber]

Dear Ex-Dragon Lord Torch,

Why did you summon us younger dragons to be the new Dragon Lord in the first place when you got plenty of older dragons flying around all over the place in Equestria? I ran into one that tried to eat me before, I'm pretty sure he would've been the better candidate for the "big and tough" criteria you're looking for in the new lord.

From fellow Ex-Lord,
Spike.

[Neko Majin C]

My dearest Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,

First off, I must apologize. I was useless to you once again. I was unable to stop them. I was like an ant trying to fight two big, fat, disgusting bull elephants. However, after you left, Celestia and Luna did not. They defaced most of your castle and stole all the pillows. And worst of all, they disorganized the entire library! They turned all the books backwards and put them all back in the wrong places. As a side note, since I talk shit about her all the time, Celestia decided to turn me inside out. Like that fog from The Simpsons.

Except with even more singing. That bitch is sadistic.

Signed your loyal slave who is writhing in agony,
Neko Majin C.

---

---

---

~KBO.

[Jman14102]

This fandom will never let the Twilicane meme die, and will find a way to implement it into every possible situation.

On a different note, Ember is as Tsundere as they come.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/4/17/1133790__safe_screencap_meme_spike_edit_text_discovery+family+logo_tsundere_spoiler-colon-s06e05_gauntlet+of+fire.jpg

[ShadowLDrago]

Forget WrestleMane-ia. Check out the out the new overhyped show: "Wipe Out: Dragon Edition."

Somebody make this a goddamn thing!

If you're still wondering how we got to each location so quickly...
Teleportation Magic. Duh!

I was thinking the same.

[Alex Warlorn]

- Princess Ember

That's DRAGON LORD Ember.

[Alex Warlorn]

Dear Princess Ember,

DRAGON LORD Ember.

[Alex Warlorn]

I think the episode went out of its way to show Spike and Rarity still care about each other.

[Alex Warlorn]

7133728

The youth revolution succeeded kid.

[Alex Warlorn]

7132227

Thankfully it seems Tiamat was smart enough to take that int account before when she first wrote those rules down.

[Sollace]

That scepter image is genious. XD

[Red Bomber]

7134260
That's a good theory... ^^;

[Shadowmane PX-41]

Dear Torch.

Why wasn't I informed of your pathetic little race to claim the title of Dragon Lord? You said that it was welcome to ALL dragons, correct? Then why didn't I catch any wind of it? It could've been my chance to get back at that pathetic little wretch Spyro.

Your daughter might be the Dragon Lady, but she will never have command over me, or my idiotic gnorc minions.

Yours truly, and very pissed,
Red, the Fallen Dragon.

[Vigriff]

7138195 I was expecting Malefor.

[REDMAMBA]

Holy shit I finally made it through this whole thing!
...
Is that sad?

[Banana Prince]

7134264 It's been a while since I've last seen you on the site.

[Alex Warlorn]

7163623

Really? My user page is going strong.

[Banana Prince]

7163671 Maybe it's because my time spent on FimFiction as of recent years is spent something like this.
42% - Adding stories to Read later.
32% - Reading stories.
12% - Commenting on forums.
10% - Other (includes blogs and checking replies)
3% -Looking at user pages.
1% - Writing my fics.