Feeling Pinkie Keen
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Feeling Pinkie Keen
Dear Princess Celestia,
With how long she's been using and abusing, it seems Pinkie has finally taken in so much illegal substances into her bloodstream that it's somehow affected her genetic makeup. It would appear that her body now has several symptoms which allow her to predict the future. Also, Fluttershy has allowed the area's population of frogs to breed too abundantly. I'm telling you, Princess, our race has to go carnivore, it would do wonders to manage all these population issues of other species.
After she had gotten the frog horde gathered up, she thought it would be a good idea to fly them directly over town, and it was due to this ingenious course plotting that I got one frog directly to the face. After Fluttershy apologized, I suggested that she should take the frogs to the busiest part of Canterlot and perform a real life reenactment of Frogger. I mean, with how many frogs she had in that wagon, she'd have so many lives!
So after an entire morning of twitches, I kidnapped Pinkie and took her down to my super secret lab in the basement of the library. I tried taking readings of Pinkie's blood to see just how much drugs were in her system, and every single machine must have overloaded, because I didn't get any readings. After that, I discovered that Spike likes to slam doors open rather than casually open them. I proceeded to spy on Pinkie, when I was stung by bees, fell into Applejack's cellar, and why the hell does the local moving company employ retards? Of course, after all this, Pinkie reveals that she knew I was there all along. So she continued to let me follow her around while I was being injured time and again. There's a true friend for you.
Then she started having seizures. She believed it was because of a 'doozy' and not from all her drugs. So we went searching for Fluttershy at Froggy Bottom Bog. Turns out it's really not a good idea to go wandering around a swamp just because your druggie friend thinks so. Because we stumbled upon a Hydra. So instead of just Fluttershy being sacrificed for being a ditz, now we were all in danger because we listened to the psychic ramblings of an addict.
When we were nearly away from the hydra, there was an even bigger danger – getting muddy. We absolutely couldn't fall into this mud pit because then Pinkie would put alligators in all the baths we'd need. Everypony made it across safely but me. Nope, I had to slingshot off a mud bubble. And what did the doozy end up being? Me finally relenting, that Pinkie's drug-induced future-gasms are real.
Your enlightened former student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S.
Honk.
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TWO updates?
soooo AWESOME
th00.deviantart.net/fs71/300W/f/2011/063/2/2/rainbow_dash_awesome_face_by_wakabalasha-d3axhz1.png
(p.s. i loled)
Horray! I expierenced the laughings and whatnot!
And I support Twilight Sparklesâ„¢ idea of converting all of Equestriaâ„¢ into carnivores! Mainly because I love meat. But not pork, that stuff is dry and dissatisfying.
Hmm, real life Froggerâ„¢? There's a creek nearby, and the highways not too far either.
And that P.S... I don't get it.
Now since I'm bored, I'm gonna click all the weird symbols I just learned this thing can make. |•√Π¥£¢€°™®©¶ Done.
893070 Pork is best meat. Except when it isn't. But other than that, it's pretty good.
893119 I disagree, Brisket is best meat!
893119>>893154 Fish.
893119 893154 893191
FOOLS. Be human! All meat is best meat!
893222 HERETIC!
893191 Ewwwww fish. I'll stick with bacon any day. Or beef. Bacon and beef.
I don't get the PS, but the rest was great!
893119>>893154>>893191>>893222>>893225
On second thought, let me amend my previous assertion. For I have realized the ultimate truth...
HUMAN IS BEST MEAT!!!!
I wonder if that ps is a Homestuck reference.
Sandvich is best source of meat!!!
893267 I wholeheartedly occur. WHO WANTS LONGPIG.
893225
Actually... can someone be a heretic if they never believed a certain way in the first place?
893267
Hm, maybe you're right... you should try a piece of yourself to be sure, though.
893309 Actually, it is my ultimate aspiration that, when I die, I be served as the entree at my wake.
893309 I decided they can.
893317
...
creeeeeepy. 
893318
893342 I am the LAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!
Two updates? Like, both at once?
Awesome.
893342
...or is it death, I dunno...
My one true regret is that I won't have the chance to try the finished product and declare with definitive finality, "Damn! I taste good!" life is so unfair sometimes...
893353
The thing about the law is, it's only good if people agree to it. And I don't agree.
893467 And I don't agree that smoking age is 21, but I still got in trouble. See how that works?
893070>>893257>>893289 In the real episode Pinkie randomly boops Twilight's nose and yells out honk...Spike proceeds to write this in the letter.
893555 Now I feel stupid.
But thank you! 
893289 That's what I thought too!
893753 Is it sad that when I saw your username in my inbox, it took several seconds to process it, and another several to realize it had an extremely low probability of being who I was thinking of?
893555 Wow. The subtle references are figured out immediately, and the obvious ones have bronies scratching their heads for minutes at a time.
893844 Happens to the best of us...there is a reason why I say I live in a cave.
893838 Yeah.
893844
you do know that could also be construed as a homestuck reference, right?
894009
That's what I was thinking. Pinkie driving Twilight to Gamzee-levels of insanity. Twilight would be AlL uP oN tHoSe MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClEs.
893478 err where do you live the oldest req. for smoking i have seen is in Alabama and that's 19 granted idc for smoking but still
Lamb is best meat.
Horse is also good, but it's not very tender unless cooked properly.
Eel is best fish.
Beef and pork are only popular because they're cheap.
Hehe. Honk.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
896217 I'm sitting in a sweaty little hooch in Honduras. This was my worst idea ever.
Lobser and crab.
I would've thought Twilight would have said something about how Applejack, known for kicking poor defenseless trees, is reduced to a quivering bowl of applesauce at the mere mention of "Twitchy-twitch"
I'm looking forward to more.
Maybe we'll get to see how much the other 5 really feel about Twilight in their own letters to Celestia.
Rainbow: Hey, Fluttershy Twilight.
What Rainbow is really thinking.>>>>>>>>
The dark carnival has begun.
893222 A fan of Soylent Green?
P.S. Try watching that movie sometime, it'll kill you
907004
Never heard of it, actually. I'll have to give it a shot.
893267 Human tastes like pork. Don't ask how I know.
911432
Just remember, everthing tastes at least a little like chicken; besides, ironiclly, alterian chicken which tastes exactly like beef.
Disgruntled Twilight now believes in drug-induced visions of the future.
893070
wth do you mean dry and disatisfying!? you've clearly never had a good cut of pork my man. Either that or it wasn't cooked right, which is really easy to do sadly.
well the frogger bit killed me becuase I actually played frogger on halloween night.... I got arrested by the cops and almost got hit... so not very smart BUT FUN AS HELL
A Modest Proposal by Twilight Sparkle. Solve the food and population issue amongst the inferior races, pony and otherwise, by making them eat each other.
1011092
A Modest Proposal by Theodore Mackenzie Brenalvirez
Solve world hunger by making the hungry fight each other to the death and eat the losers.
893252 unicorn meat is best meat. lookie what i found on da internetz
eat up!
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-wtbuck.jpg
HoNk :o).