Horse Play
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.
Dear Princess Celestia,
So you expect us to believe you can’t act?
You spend all day smiling and waving. You give prepared speeches. You hold nightly town halls in as civil a manner as possible.
Last I checked, that’s fucking acting.
Sincerely,
‘A New Day In Equestria’ Cast and Crew
Dear Princess Celestia or should I say Nicole Oliver?,
No acting experience at all? That has to be one of the most ironic lines I’ve heard. You’re a voice actor for a show about pastel coloured ponies. Act like it.
Your fellow voice actor,
Discord or rather John De Lancie
Dear Starlight,
Pack your bags and get your ass out of my castle.
I think I’m done being your ‘teacher’ teacher. You weren’t that great of a student. Maybe you just weren’t a ‘student’ student.
Just like the rest of the Elements aren’t my ‘friends’ friends.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go handle a fuckton of refund requests because Rainbow falsely advertised Celestia in the lead role of our play.
Beat it.
Sincerely,
‘Princess’ Princess Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Maybe if you had attended a social meeting with my ex-mentor, you would be less nervous about meeting a ‘Princess’ Princess Celestia. But no. Go to your backstabbing ‘friend’ friend, Trixie, for her dumb daredevil stunt.
Dear Headmistress Twilight,
I’ve heard you made a hoof-stitched Starswirl cosplay. Can I use it for the play?
Sincerely,
Sandbar
Dear Sandbar,
Sorry, after I realized what a fucking dick he was, I burned the damned costume.
Your Headmistress,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Headmistress Twilight,
Takes one to know one.
Sincerely,
Sandbar
Dear Headmistress Twilight,
So, who's the nurse for our school? We have bleeding eardrums after the Princess decided to Fus Ro Dah without warning, and broken bones due to her pulling away the stage from right under us.
In need of tender love and medical attention,
The Young Six
Dear Diary,
Why doesn’t anypony listen to me?
Sincerely,
Applejack
Dear Applejack,
Because the last time I listened to you, a Las Pegasus getaway was nearly ruined.
Sincerely,
Rainbow Dash
To Princess Celestia,
If you’re not going to step up your game in this play then get the fuck out of here!
Signed,
Director Twilight Sparkle
To Director Twilight Sparkle,
Would you prefer me to cut off all your school’s funding?
Signed,
Princess Celestia
To Princess Celestia,
Welcome back! Would like some refreshments? How about deserts! Some banana cake maybe?
Your understanding director,
Director Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
So, let me get this straight. You won’t tweak the sunset and moonrise for a huge performance by Songbird Serenade for hundreds, but you’ll give us a 9PM sunrise for a play that had maybe fifty attendees?
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Twilight,
Amazing play, Princess! Those special effects were absolutely astounding!
Sincerely,
Everypony who attended the play.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Um, what the fuck just happened with the sun?
Sincerely,
Everypony else in Equestria.
Dear Sister,
Why must you always steal the spotlight with that sun of yours?
Your annoyed sister,
Luna
Dear Sister,
Maybe if you showed them a full moon, ponies might take notice, too. Especially the stallions, they’ll be clopping until the cows come home.
Your more popular sister,
Celestia
Dear Fluttershy,
I’ve heard that you’re good at making alternate personas of yourself. With that outfit of myself, you could make a great stunt double! I could use a break from the day court.
Your commanding princess,
Celestia
Dear Sister,
Just use that dumb magical amulet you have to disguise yourself and ditch the day court. Or better yet, give that job to Twilight.
The forever and always best princess,
Luna
“Well, that went better than expected,” said Twilight, disgruntledly, after the end of the play.
“I couldn’t agree more, Twilight. In fact, I had so much fun tonight, I've decided to give up my crown, step down from the throne, and devote all of my time to the theater!” Princess Celestia proclaimed.
“W-wait... what?! Really?” Twilight said in excitement, thinking of taking the throne after Princess Celestia departure to her doomed acting career.
“Gotcha! Maybe I'm not such a bad actress after all,” Celestia joked, causing the rest of Twilight’s friends and Spike to laugh alongside Celestia.
“Fuck you all,” Twilight swore.
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Considering most Princesses are damsels in distress that he to be saved most of the time and they are usually as dumb as a sack full of bricks, Twilight should be happy Starlight doesn't see her as a princess princess.
I was expecting some kind of joke about the true meaning of Hearth's Warming or something. You know, as a nod to A Charlie Brown Christmas which is also about a play going badly for its director.
That should be "desserts". Oops.
Dear Sandbar,
How dare you? Mistress Headmistress Princess Twilight Sparkle is not a dick. She is a mare. Get your gender specific insults correct. If anything, she is a cunt.
Signed Mistress Headmistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and grammar Dalek,
Neko Majin C.
My dearest Mistress Headmistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,
You know that song you wrote that was going to introduce Celestia at the beginning of the play, but due to constraints of time and budget, it was cut? Well, I rewrote it and now t is all about you!
Equestria was having trouble, what a sad, sad story.
Needed a new princess to restore its former glory.
Where, oh where, was she? Where could that mare be?
We looked around and then we found,
The mare for you and me.
And now it's...
Springtime for Twilight and Ponyville.
Horseland is happy and gay.
We're trotting to a faster pace.
Kneel down, she’s of the master race.
Springtime for Twilight and Ponyville.
Winter for Dragons and Yaks.
Springtime for Twilight and Ponyville.
Come on, ponies, go into your prance.
She’s too cool for Canterlot and that is why we say she’s hot!
If you’re sexy, lithe and able, come and join the Book Horse stable!
Springtime for Twilight and Ponyville.
Twi's plot’s the best plot, they say.
She hungers for some meat again.
Smell that? Twilight’s in heat again!
Springtime for Twilight and Ponyville.
Mistress is horny once more.
Springtime for Twilight and Ponyville.
Means that soon she’ll be cumming,
She's so close to cumming,
And now she is squirting, that whore!
I hope you are pleased with my gift to you. I worked so hard on it, Mistress Headmistress Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Signed your loyal slave and personal Allan Sherman,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
YES!!!!
9088215
Actually this is wrong. I'very done both acting and stuff similar to Celestia. It's not the same thing. One doesn't necessarily transfer well to the other.
Can somepony explain why the Changeling needs a costume?
Hey Neko I'm running out of places to hide the bodys we need to get Twilight to slow down still going to be a month before I am able to get the furnace up and running.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
Have you ever considered using a “Steamed Hams” approach?
Sincerely,
https://m.Principal Seymour Skinner