Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Friendship is Magic, Part 1

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Friendship is Magic: Part 1

Dear Princess Celestia,

Alright, so let me get this straight. My parents are paying top dollar for this school, and now because you think I'm too much of a bookworm who doesn't spend enough time with others, you're specifically sending me to some backwater town to check on your party preparations?

Especially when I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough that could save Equestria from Nightmare Moon. But no, that can wait. I have a celebration to get ready and friends to make! Screw the fate of Equestria.

And not spending any time with others? Please. I'm your PERSONAL protege, and you gave me this tower for studying! So you pretty much isolated me, and then blame me for not making any friends? Yeah, that makes a lot of fucking sense.

Okay, upon arriving in Ponyville, I immediately noticed the drug problem. Why? A pink pony who shrieked upon seeing me and then took off. All I said was hello. She's gotta be high on something. After that, your meal planner tried to give me an eating disorder. After that, I had to listen to birds sing and the conductor couldn't even look me in the eye. And seriously, birds? That's your fanfare? You raise the fucking sun for crying out loud. Get a rock band.

After that, we got to meet this egotistical bitch Rainbow Dash who apparently likes procrastinating until the last minute for one of the most important holidays of the year. And what's more, she messed up my mane. Now I'm pissed. I work on my mane for 30 minutes every morning.

After that, this dragon you keep on sending along got a hard-on for your decorator. I mean, why her? Does nopony find ME sexy? Once you go purple you never go back!

Oh joy, it's the drugged up pink pony again, and just when I was looking forward to relaxing, she decides to throw a party in the LIBRARY of all places, and invite everypony in the whole fucking town! What? Did the whole town shut down to welcome me? Fuck this, I'm going to bed.

Your pissed student,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note:

November 2013 Update: Automatic Jack's Voicemail Edition

Comments

[RaptorJesus]

Worth it for the "Once you go purple you never go back!" reference xD

[Sandman]

I swear I've written letters like this.

[LegitCinnamon]

So much LOL

[Pegasmash64]

This is great, as well as being comedy, it should be under Alternate Universe, just stating the fact that Twilight is pissed at the Princess, rather than 24/7 being in awe at her. I could just imagine Twilight writing this <(GODDAMN THE BITCH OF A PRINCESS)

[infinite scratch]

oh dear sweet celestia's beard that was awesome

[Frankie]

WHAT THE--?

[RedvsBlue327]

Rage Quit: Ponyville. Featuring: Twilight Sparkle

[Minecraftian Equine]

varying levels of dafuq and ...
on a scale of one to Cthulhu in the weird-ass-fic department, this gets a shoggoth. (if you dont know of the Lovecraft mythos that will mean nothing to you; get someone else to explain it :P

[Majk]

Instant win and wtf at the same time.
Me gusta

[Blitz the Dragon]

770682 OH MY GOD IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
I presume these are the letters she wrote but never sent. I think I loled most at "I immediately noticed the drug problem."

[Sliverfish]

My right ear has been blocked for days and just then it unblocked, I'm happy as hell, and laughing at this made me happier! and for Twilight

[NinjaBrony43009]

Oh my God, I've been missing out. Liked, faved, the works, keep it up!

[Bookworm24]

omg! this is just

Once you go purple you never go back!!

[fluttershywriter]

Reads first letter. Instantly favorites.
I can't stop laughing!!

[KillerSteel]

Disgruntled is best

I already like this.

[Paladin Redflare]

I do not find you sexy as I do the rest, i'm sorry Twatlight Spracklez.

[digiz]

This is good, it all makes sense.

[Dead_Page]

That..... Was amazing. Now to spend time I was supposed to be writing, laughing my plot off. This is priceless.

[jakol]

rgifs.gifbin.com/1233928590_citizen%20kane%20clapping.gif
sunglasses.name/gif/joker-clap.gif

damn right, i agree with them.

[Dashie McCourty]

When you mentioned "Ponyville's drug problem", i thought this was going to be about the .MOV series.

[TwiSpark42]

data.whicdn.com/images/24314226/51W6s4%252BRMHL._SL500_AA300__large.jpg

Peanut approves.

[NaturalGlitch]

Nothing like an OOC fanfic that panders to the audience.

[Bandy]

I'm going to assume that "rock band" is just a typo, and you actuallymeant to say "jazz band." dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png

[canius]

oh man she is so bitchy lol

[WorldWalker128]

711575
I've wanted to write letters like this to people, but I like being employed.

[defender2222]

I approve of this and will defend it to the bitter death!

*grabs a sword and looks at the horde of trolls and haters that want to hate on this story*

FOR FRODO!

*charges*

[The Maelstrom]

This has to be the single most ingenious story idea I have ever heard

If I could give you a high-five followed by a backflip in person, I would

[Myrandall]

You raise the fucking sun for crying out loud. Get a rock band.

Dis gon be gud

[Rainbow Palette]

That was so funny i don't usualy smile but i have been grinning the entire story

[Apocalypse Pony]

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT4yFPqasVFyM9T3jd8N1phrr9rMKfrLWDGGI06LYf8sVaZc21v_w

[Kail]

Twilight reminds me of Dan in this.

[iloveportalz0r]

//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

[Flamesinger599]

Well there goes my fucking evening. Now allow me to express my irritation.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS INDEED A GOD!!!!!

[Nathan Hale]

My face when a shitty OOC story has 1166+ thumb ups:
i.imgur.com/rBvfa.gif

[swiftstriker21]

this is fucking hilarious

[Geist]

Oh sweet luna, I can't stop laughing through and I've only finished the first letter. There seem to be some who dislike this, but really, I think it's a fun little read that'll give ya a good laugh when ya need one.

Now I have no choice..........I'm going to go read more of this and see if I die laughing. If no one hears from me again, I will leave this story up so that someone knows the "How" and "Why" of my demise, and possibly hundreds of other readers.

[Biker_Dash]

WOW! Who pissed in her cheerios? And I thought my last ex was bad...

[Enmar]

yes!
must haz moar!

[Juria]

I'm so glad I found this! So, we've officially hacked into Twilight's private diary of rant letters? XD

[TheButcher]

Hey! I'm the guy who saw this on Anime addventure and told you it's hilarious but the anal mod there is going to delete it! I also told you to try fimfiction, but couldn't find this until now. Awesome!

[ThatPinkPony]

Revenge against trollestia!!!

Omg one letter and I'm rofling already.... This can't end well

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Fuck this, I'm going to bed.

That pretty much is what Twilight was thinking during her "Weclome Party".

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

You're welcome

Your Faithful(?) teacher, Princess Celestia.

P.S.:I enjoy Jeff Dunham too!

[Eighth Note]

ONE letter an i'm already enjoying this!

[jebstermes]

this is the best thing I have ever seen on this site.

[Kaidan]

Instant favorite

[Zeynelse]

1973138 fuck yeah, * bro/pagasister hoof

[butboifranko]

I F*cking died!

[tailspin]

i died when i saw "Your pissed student" at the end

instant favorit

[Brony_9_9]

Three words. Love. Times. Infinity.