Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Hiatus Bonus Chapter: Horse Zimmerman Emerges From Hiding

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Hiatus Bonus Chapter

THE FOAL FREE PRESS
HORSE ZIMMERMAN EMERGES FROM HIDING

Fresh drama ensued today, as Horse Zimmerman, not seen since his exit from the courtroom just over a week ago, emerged from hiding to rescue a family from an overturned chariot outside of Mareami.

“Let me guess, he should have stayed in his vehicle, right?” offered a sarcastic Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Horse Zimmerman, a pegasus, whom prosecutors charged with the murder of earth pony Hayvon Martin last February, was recently acquitted of said charges in a widely publicized trial. In wake of the verdict, protests have broken out across Equestria, demanding changes to “stand your ground” laws, which are in place in over two-thirds of the nation.

Defenders of Zimmerman said he was just doing his job as neighborhood watch. Protesters believe that the killing was racially motivated, and that Zimmerman was told by royal guards to stay in his carriage.

But we here at the Foal Free Press believe in delivering to you, our readers, the facts and only the facts. When we offer our opinion, we do not disguise it as the truth. That's right; we're not like the rest of the biased media.

The problem here is that far too many ponies refuse to see the middle ground here. Horse Zimmerman was certainly no saint, but you're fooling yourself if you believe Hayvon was. Regardless of where you stand, he was a hero for rescuing those innocent victims in the chariot crash today.

But at the end of the day, as long as these protests remain peaceful, all is well. Because at least there's one thing everypony can agree on:

That Al Clopton needs to shut the buck up. Ten more ponies were killed in Fillinois today. You don't see him getting all uppity about that, now do ya?

Author's Note:

Yeah, Fillinois. I scratched my head raw trying to ponify Chicago. Al Clopton took me 20 minutes as it was.

Comments

[Alaborn]

Agree completely on Al Clopton.

[milesprower06]

2920533 It's not my job to adhere to everybody else's version of "too soon."

I was inspired. I wrote.

No, I'm not patient enough to let it sit on the back burner until people suddenly stop feeling angry about tragedies.

[Jake8765]

I've heard so much about this, but never bothered to research it. What's the whole Zimmerman issue?

[The Grey Pegasus]

So you did write it. K.

[milesprower06]

2920554 This was, like much of the hiatus chapters, sudden inspiration. 30 minutes ago, this didn't exist.

[milesprower06]

2920550 Widely publicized trial, making all other equally serious crimes meaningless in comparison, all that bullcrap.

[Tatsurou]

Charicago, derived from chariot. Or Chicavago, derived from cavalry.
It's easy to ponify city names as long as you remember you aren't limited to variations on the various types of pony. Example, Canterlot is plainly derived from canter.

[Tatsurou]

2920541
Couldn't you write it and then wait to publish it until it isn't too soon?
Not a problem for me, as I don't even know what you're talking about.

[Jake8765]

2920567 This wacked-out world!

[The Grey Pegasus]

2920560
Yeah, but weren't you mulling over actually writing it a little bit back? (Well, not so much mulling as discussing.)

[milesprower06]

2920571 Eh. The crime in question was over a year and a half ago. The verdict was a week ago.

This fresh piece of news made it relevant again.

If I waited a week or a month to post it, it wouldn't have as much of an impact.

I would prefer that Letters keep its reputation of edgy, tasteless humor.

[milesprower06]

2920580 Yes, I was. If this rescue didn't happen today, I probably would've never touched it.

But Zimmerman's heroic actions today made the race-baiters even more hilariously stupid, so I decided to go with it.

I figured it was time to cross another line. I've made fun of race, politics, even 9/11.

So now I took a shot at making satire of something current and fresh in people's minds.

[Jon Hoof]

Chicacolt.

[Qussar]

2920604
I want To read that 9/11 stuff but where is it

[milesprower06]

2920674 Spike At Your Service.

[BoogaBingBangBow]

Laughed at that last line. I liked this one. Buck you Al Clopton.

[keaton-furman-prower]

So this is what happens when "Too Soon" meets "Crosses the Line Twice"

[Mr Afro Pony]

Yes because this event totally justifies the whole murder thing right?

I'm just saying, anyone would help a family in need. He's not special for doing it.

[Bookmark88]

a new chapter? what a thoughtful birthday present.

[milesprower06]

2920792 Happy Birthday!

[_CheckMate_]

Try Chicacolt

[milesprower06]

2920787 I don't care what is justified and what isn't.

I'm making fun of it, end of story.

[Zaku Pony]

Oh god. This comments section is going to be a riddled mess of deleted posts. Why would you ever start this mess.

[Mikemarksman]

Oh man, please, please do one on the whole 'UK pornography filtering' thing, it would be hilarious (plus I really need to laugh at that instead of crying and shouting "They took muh freedoms!" between drinks).

[kooarbiter]

Why not horse zimmermare?

or Hayvon Maretin?

[Mr Afro Pony]

2920826

To each it's own I suppose. Still a good chapter entry.

[milesprower06]

2920911
1. He's male
2. He's male.

[BionicBrony]

As far as I'm concerened, there is no such thing as too soon. People who think there is simply need to grow up. There's a time to be sad n' shit, and then there's a time to move on. But no matter who you are, the faster you move on, the better. What's done is done, and the only thing we can do now is look forward. Honestly, I think this was timed very well, and it was short and sweet to boot.

[Valikdu]

I'm too lazy to find a macro with Ned Stark telling about how the shitshorm is coming.

[milesprower06]

2920972 Thanks for reading! Glad you share my view on this!

[meerkat8472]

I have no idea what any of this is about. Who is Zimmerman, and who is Al Clopton?

[BionicBrony]

2920985 It's the only reasonable position for people who don't get offended by every little thing to take. Otherwise, I just don't get it. Anyway, have a good one!

[MrNumbers]

Chickago, the gryphon city. It was founded by a chick long ago.

Chickago.

[milesprower06]

2921061 I loved Equestria Girls. I was just really good at picking it apart.

[Foregrip Butterfly]

Is this because i'm rainbow, you racist!!!

[GreyAcumane]

2920533

So some unknown and completely arbitrary amount of time will suddenly bring class to this joke? you do realize that there's more to making wine than just letting grape juice sit in a bottle, right?

Question: So if this is too soon, when would the joke be timely?

Answer: Be the SECOND guy to make fun of it.

[GreyAcumane]

2921230
I wasn't commenting on politics, just how dumb the concept of "too soon" is.

If you wanted to argue that this was a subject that shouldn't be joked about at all, I would disagree with you, (because it's flipping ridiculous all over) but accept that your standards are different from mine.

[kooarbiter]

2920970

so, what does that matter? fillydelphia isn't just fillies and mares, and vice versa with stalliongrad

apple"jack" is a mare

[milesprower06]

2921313 Jack isn't gender-exclusive. (Jack from Mass Effect 2)

And Fillydelphia is a city. I get a bit more picky when I parody names.

[kooarbiter]

2921399

to each their own then

jack is gender exclusive? huh, you learn something everyday

and it turns out I learned more today that an anverage day of school

[Ramenclaw]

2920541 pro-tip, as a black man, please NEVER use the word uppity again. It has a bad history of showing us as not being greatfull for what we have. I don't particularly like Sharpton, and I have white friends in Chicago talking about how bad it is there. I live in "Mareami" and these laws are crazy, but you can only cast yourself in a negative light with such word choice. And Trayvon was no saint either? Really?

Please stay to the satire of the technicolor ponies, please. Its much better writing. You are a much better writer. :-D

[That One Bastard]

Alright boys, who else here hails from good ol' Shai Town? Lemme see some hands, my brothers!

[milesprower06]

2921426

This has gotten insanely popular through the references I use.

Tell me to never use 'uppity' again when you convince rappers to never use the n-word again in their songs.

I am not sexist, racist, or bigoted towards anyone.

That does not mean I am not allowed to create sexist, racist, bigoted characters.

If Letters has proven one thing, it's that I'm good at weeding out the politically correct herd, and showing them the door, leaving me with the people who can enjoy and laugh at anything.

I have not taken a side with this Zimmerman thing. I am taking the middle ground, and making fun of the extremists on both sides.

I have made fun of race, politics, sexual orientation, religion, and during a particularly daring chapter, 9/11.

This was merely pushing the envelope again, and crossing another line; satire of a current event that is still fresh in people's minds.

If you don't like it, please leave.

Because I won't be changing what has made Letters so popular.

Thank you.

[Jphyper]

I just realized... you haven't done a Double Rainboom one yet! While it doesn't need to be considered canon to the rest of the story, it's still a situation that needs to be remedied. Who else thinks so?

[Rainbooms]

2921555
I agree with this guy.

[milesprower06]

2921555>>2921651

I'll be honest; I didn't really like or enjoy the second half of Double Rainboom.

As someone who is entirely unfamiliar with Powerpuff Girls, it would be very difficult for me to parody the second half of the episode.

[Swashbucklist]

2920533 Gilbert Gottfried also cracked jokes soon after 9/11 and the Tsunami disaster in Japan. When tragedies take place, people won't simply stop doing what they do.

[Rainbooms]

2921675
Fair enough, do what you're comfortable with.

[Azreon]

dont forget detrot