Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Magic Duel

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Magic Duel

Dear Princess Celestia,

So let me get this straight, the ambassadors from Saddle Arabia are coming, and you want me to juggle woodland creatures for them? Is that really all it's going to take for them to give you all their oil? Normally it wouldn't be any big thing, but damn, Fluttershy flipped the fuck out. Her animals were loving it, but she was biting her hooves, after threatening me with a bunny fire if anything happened to them, of course. Then Rainbow had to come crashing into me to tell me about an emergency back in town.

I go to town square to see what the commotion is, and who else should it be than the Great and Powerful Bitchy. How have you been, you prissy showmare slut? Been down on your luck, have you? So she's come back to Ponyville to challenge me to a magic duel, and the way she's going to goad me into this is to put Rarity in a decent dress for a change, give Rainbow a serious hit of Viagra, and glue the two biggest idiots in town together? Although I must admit, I was rather impressed with the legendary Recycling Bin spell she performed on Pinkie. How the fuck did she manage to keep breathing, anyway?

Nice amulet, by the way. I love how no one questioned her flashing red eyes and magic aura. No, that's not foreshadowing or ominous at all.

So I initially refused to duel because I was afraid that I'd kick her ass and I'd have to stay in this piss pit of a town. But I came to realize that staying in Ponyville wasn't as bad as being TOLD to go anywhere. I'd show that rock farm failure who's boss. It's time to d-d-d-d, d-d-d-d-d-duel!

She began by hurling an applecart up in the air, almost crushing somepony who couldn't get out of the way. I manged to right it just in time. By the way, why can those barrels only hold seven apples? May want to get a bigger size. She then threw pies at me, but what I really wanted was to eat her pie. Then, she blankets the town in snow, forcing me to melt it. Welp, there's this year's Winter Wrap Up. But if she doesn't want to have sex with me, she'll have sex with nopony! I gave her one of my Repulsive Mustaches. Unfortunately, she bested me with an age spell. But at least I got to drop a baby. She flung me out of town before encasing Ponyville in a giant dome. I wasn't aware that the environmental problems had gotten that hazardous. Then again, Hey Ocean's barge did sink in the lake due to the acidity of the water.

Determined to get my friends and slave back, I venture into the Everfree Forest, to see if Zecora had any Rare Candies laying around. If not, I could always walk through the grass to grind a few levels. But she just had me float above the pond, levitating bubbles. But I couldn't stop thinking about Trixie, and that got me soaking wet. It's a good thing I didn't crash any space ships, or she'd probably make me levitate those too.

Before long, Fluttershy had been able to sneak herself out of Ponyville, getting some beavers to use insane amounts of profanity at Trixie. She told me how she was setting up a cult of personality, and would soon create the Democratic Pony's Republic of Ponyville. She also told me about the Alicorn Amulet, and how it gave Trixie a +50 buff to her Magic. Gosh, I wonder how many Hard Mode dungeons she had to grind through for that. So Zecora told me the secret to beating her.

We meet Trixie back at the dome, and I showed her that through the power of microtransactions, I had acquired an amulet more powerful than hers. Pay-to-win, bitch. Of course, after our duel, she tried to put my amulet on, but since I had already equipped it, it was bound to me. That's what you can do when you have more money than skill. Ha. I even gave Pinkie the Polka Band emote.

After the juggling animal show, Trixie apologized to me for the fight. I was about to ask if she wanted to go back to the library with me for some 'studying', but she took off. At least I got a good look at that sweet sexy plot when she tripped. Ugh, I really wanted some of that...

Your hopeless former student,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note:

Well, that's a record. Three in one day.

Comments

[The Wizard of Words]

Three updates in one day

Mind = Blown.

[milesprower06]

2138236 That's what you can do when you're the Great and Powerful Miles!

[Tatsurou]

I think you should change the title of this story to "Letters from a 'Frustrated' Student." She certainly doesn't seem disgruntled anymore, anyway.

[Hexxen354]

Twilight's never gonna get some, is she?

[SomeponyTheVectorer]

On fire today, dude.

[milesprower06]

2138261 Definition is discontented, displeased, sulky, peevish.
She is absolutely still these things.

[Bravais]

Pay-to-win, bitch.

Ha

[ManlyDerp]

Three updates in one day

Blown = Mind.

[meme-asaurus]

Huh. So Twilight didn't cheat in this fic. I thought you would pounce at that detail first chance you got.

[milesprower06]

2138280 s3.amazonaws.com/bronibooru/sample/7f712d0b9073145bddedee8bdbe2512d.jpg

[milesprower06]

2138295 To many MMO players, microtransactions and pay-to-win items are cheating.

[Albi]

Understanding all of these references makes me feel like such a nerd, but it makes the story funny as hell.

[Bookmark88]

2138133Fair point

[xXSilverLiningXx]

Well, at least we're back to our usual shtick. Still, feels like something was missing from this one. Actually, from both of your recent ones (Pinkie's was great though).

[Red Bomber]

Yu-gi-oh, Pokemon, and MMOs. I wonder if she has been "partying with Luna" lately

[Stratege]

I've got the feeling some author wants to get to S3E13 to be able to write about it. ^^

[Reisentanith]

The Simpsons Movie reference?
Also nothing about turning "AJ" into a "guy"?

[Phazon]

2138250 Three in one day, averaging five in the last four or five days. Do you have a lot more time on your hands, or have you been wanting to do season three's episodes for a really long. I mean, I'm just asking because of your previous track record with updates.

[milesprower06]

2138335 I've already started writing it. I've been on absolute fire today. Mostly it's because I've been blowing off steam that I'm down one laptop as of this morning.

And I'm hoping Magical Mystery Cure is going to shock everypony. It's certainly going to be...different. It's not gonna be what you're expecting.

[Bookmark88]

Thou art on a role good sir. wouldst thou kindly try for a forth?

[milesprower06]

2138337 I tried, but I felt the microtransactions gag was better.

[Tragicom]

Thank you for the Yu-Gi-Oh reference. I love Yu-Gi-Oh so much.

[Archivist Nightwatch]

I want to see what you do for the season end. most likely pass it off as twilight can finally order people to have massive and rough sex with her. also I hear something about the others thanking celestia that they blew her up. all in all I look forward to that one the most.

[milesprower06]

2138364 Possible, but doubtful. I've started Sleepless in Ponyville, but this one may require a slower pace.

[Rozen Knight]

I feel sad that Twilight and Trixe didnt get their moment.

[munomana]

Thanks for getting Cult of Personality stuck in my head.

Great chapter!

[Bookmark88]

2138378this is the first time an author has replied to one of my comment's, you just made my night. thank you

[Phazon]

2138368>>2138337 Either that or Twilight doesn't want to bring up her attempt at an orgy with two Rainbows and a rule 63 AJ. The response?
: Nnnope.

Actually, no. Twilight's always transparent about her libido. That would've shown up in a letter anyway.

[milesprower06]

2138429 No problem. Thanks for reading!

[Darkunicorn666]

it's funny how i have to write 1000 words on my first fic, but you can get away with 640. am i doing something wrong. love the chapter BTW

[Lazur]

I was listening to a hey ocean song while reading this

[LightningtheBro]

[averagejoey2000]

INB4 Suck it Celestia I'm not your student anymore. Te only thing that would make it better is if you had to die to make me princess. Just gotta kill Cadence and Luna and I'll be queen.

[Swashbucklist]

Then again, Hey Ocean's barge did sink in the lake due to the acidity of the water.

Awesome double reference! Never thought I would see Hey Ocean mentioned in a fanfic.

[Sempre Luna]

Then again, Hey Ocean's boat did sink in the lake due to the acaidity of the water

*slow. fucking. clap*

[JollyGreenGI]

References. References everywhere.

[milesprower06]

2138524 It has to be 1,000 words before publishing, I think. If I recall, I published the first four chapters at once when I first started with this fic last summer.

[Jake8765]

2138250 Don't quit your day job, bro.

[Blue_Paladin42]

Only one Hard Mode dungeon. Trixie got REAL lucky on drops.

2138312
Well, they certainly don't seem very fair.
2138531
But she actually LIKES Luna.

[journcy]

I can't hold all of these references!

[re- Yamsmos]

Although I must admit, I was rather impressed with the legendary Recycling Bin spell she performed on Pinkie. How the fuck did she manage to keep breathing, anyway?

That's actually a good question.

[Impoxdragon]

d-d-d-d, d-d-d-d-d-duel!

I believe there's only 4 "d"s in the second one.

[Dementia Ravenmane]

2138284 EA is now owning Equestria.

[La Barata]

It's a good thing I didn't crash any space ships, or she'd probably make me levitate those too.

toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dagobah-X-wing.jpg
blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2008/01/force_unleashed_crashed_ship_lg.jpg

What you did there.

I see it.

[Zyrin]

So we got Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Star Wars and MMORPGs referenced in 1 chapter. Prolly some I missed. Fuckin' glorious win.

[MaximumBurn117]

lol, Twi you can't catch a brake can you?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Yes instant win at the Yu-Gi-Oh reference.

[Namara]

Friendship is Witchcraft, Pokemon, Yu gi Oh, Star Wars, and I think D&D (I don't play, but it sounded like one). WINNING.

[Namara]

2139069 It's Pinkie Pie. Answered.

[Papercraft]

But I couldn't stop thinking about Trixie, and that got me soaking wet

make ALL the dirty jokes