Baby Cakes
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Baby Cakes
Dear Princess Celestia,
Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Hold the quill. Princess, would you please get me the number of the Equestrian Child Protective Services? I don't believe Carrot Cake and Cup Cake are fit to be parents.
I mean, sure, I was too busy doing my summary report to you to babysit, but if I had any idea that they would resort to Pinkie, than I would have dropped everything. Again, they want PINKIE to BABYSIT. I think it'd be safer to leave them alone in a bath with a dozen toasters on the rim.
By the way, I completely loved how he explained the wings and horn away. His great great great great great grandfather was a unicorn? Great aunt second cousin twice removed was a Pegasus? I've got a much more likely scenario, bakery boy: you haven't been satisfying your wife, so she's been sleeping around.
Anyway, when I showed up to see who they found to cover for them, I found Pinkie, indulging in her adult baby fetish instead of taking care of the babies like she should be. After doing some quick organizing and checking the bottles for LSD, I found myself kicked to the curb because Pinkie wanted to prove she was responsible. Well, I tried. My conscience would be clear if Pinkie accidentally committed double infanticide.
Or she'll keep them alive and help raise twin drug addicts. I hear she has stashes of cocaine disguised as bags of flour all over that bakery. I mean, their chances of survival are admittedly pretty decent if they survived her stand-up comedy routine. And if she did that Oink Oink song...oh stars...I wouldn't wish that on my enemies. Might wish it on you, though.
Oh, and if Scootaloo ever saw those shenanigans, I'm pretty sure she would cut her wings off. A month-old Pegasus can not only fly, but drag Pinkie around the house like she's nothing. Even the unicorn used a levitation spell to fly herself. See? Master race, baby.
But I digress. Pinkie finally got the foals under control when they covered themselves in some of her coke. That put them into a coma, and she began cleaning. Buying the ruse, Mr. and Mrs. Cake offered her the position of go-to babysitter.
Hey, it's their babies' funerals.
Your totally drug-free former student,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am never having sex. Ever.
Your loyal subject,
Pinkie Diane Pie
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Oh pinkie you
Fucking first.
I absolutely love Pinkie's letter
Keep up the good work. :-)
Pinkie's letter is best letter.
Oh god, that ending.
1623840 Someone beat you by a minute, and maybe this isn't common knowledge (don't know why at this point) but 'first' style comments is a permanently bannable offense.
People, please. I would hate to lose any of my readers.
Pinkie's five-word-long letter made this one.
1623840cache.ohinternet.com/images/d/d5/Nope_speech_bubble.png
1623840
WRONG!
She had bags of cocaine disguised as flour? It all makes sense now.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/208/e/b/oh_you__by_dreatos-d41w4kl.png
I'm pretty sure Big Macintosh doesn't need a second invitation from you Twilight....
If ya know what I mean
> then, than is for comparisons
I liked that part the best, but Pinkie's add-on was second. Though she could still have sex with Twilight...
It's odd how one little line can contain so much more comedic value than an entire chapter.
1623947
Well,I don't.
Which chapter did she "invite him"?
I have always said the worlds greatest birth control is to take care of a infant for a whole day, when you've never had to deal with children.
Ciao
Bahaha funny as hell again. I particularly liked Pinkie's contribution. Can't wait for more!
I absolutely love the twists you put on the episodes.
Pound and Pumpkin put into a coma from cocaine?
Brilliant.
Pinkie's letter = The pet bird letter
both are awesome. nuff said.
1623905
Well, yeah. She has them stashed all over Ponyville, in case of "Bags-Of-Cocaine-Disguised-As-Flour Emergencies." dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
I thought you knew that already. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Discord.png
Cocaine.
Pinkie's letter.
I like this one.
pbr187.photobucket.com/albums/x163/Shammon_of_Gaia/Comics%20in%20general/Mr_CakeCelebrates_notmycomicobviouslyAllcreditgoesto_08f2af_3577710_zps6bd826e0.jpg
Ha.
i.imgur.com/mTyUc.jpg
I totally agree on that. I always wondered how Pound Cake could fly yet Scootaloo could barely lift herself up.
I fucking hate the oink oink song
1624470
its explained in many fics that magic/flying comes natural before the brain kicks in and says WFT? how am i doing this? causing the foal to have to relearn
Pinkie's letter at the end. Just yes.
As, in my opinion, the second worst episode that's aired, I loved this. This episode *deserves* the ribbing it gets. (Seriously, giving birth to a pegasus and unicorn? I.. I can't even imagine a genetic scenario in which that's *possible*, and I'm a biologist.
).
And Pinkie's letter? Comedy gold.
Well, great to be back to narcissistic(?) Twilight, but didn't seem as funny as some of the others. I mean, the idea of Cup being an adulterer was somewhat funny maybe, even if that's kind of an overdone thing, as far as I know in this site/fandom.
Had to look up LSD, as thought maybe it was a sexual disease and was confused as to why it would be on/in the bottles, but doesn't seem to make much sense. Not to mention this line:
Shouldn't that be wouldn't? Even if it was accidental as Twilight said. Not to mention when she said master RACE, baby?
Baby isn't really a race, it's an age, so shouldn't it be master age? It's funny though, how she seems to imply without knowing anything, supposedly a baby pegasus and unicorn can tap into their inherent abilities, lol.
And Pinkie Pie's short letter was f-ing hilarious!
I'd feel bad for her, but sometimes she does get herself into bad habits/situations, like this episode and the Cranky Doodle Donkey one. Not to mention, probably the upcoming one as well. 
Though too bad she doesn't know or think about just being lesbian, like Rainbow Dash supposedly, cause that's the only way can have sex GUARANTEED without a baby. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png But eh, neither here nor there. Well, I guess looking forward to how Twi's gonna rip into Applejack next letter!
1623081
I didn't say it WASN'T, especially now that I'm into it more than not and reading for hell of it, but last chapter just seemed to not hit with me, cause wasn't as much ripping as normal and was AB doing it instead.
1623882
Actually, SIX.
1624014
I think it's MAYBE a call-out to his own TwiMac fic, I think? Which I've read and am at this point, proofreading for. Don't quote me though, could be more that cause she's not gotten laid in however long (if she ever did before, even), he thinks that Mac'd be suitable, I guess.
1624014
She didn't, she would only have to invite him once
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/happy-i-see-what-you-did-there.png
1623876 Since I';m one of those folks who despises those first comments, this personally makes me very happy. Not that you cang et banned for it, but that it's actively discouraged.
Great chapter, one confusion, why does she use her middle name but not her full first name?
1625870 She used her middle name because it was supposed to be a formal letter to Princess Celestia, but I also didn't want readers to confuse her with the 'Cupcakes' Pinkie, aka, commonly referred to as 'Pinkamena', as I am also well known for my alternate ending series to Cupcakes.
Yeah, I believe Scootaloo would cut her wings off if she saw Pound Cake flying.
And I don't believe Pinky's letter for a second. You know she a closet nympho.
Beautiful Pinkie letter, short yet still one of the funniest lines.
1625294
Alright, I'm going to try to clear some things up for you.
That would be because Pinkie refused her help in preventing this infanticide, therefore, in her twisted little head, the blood would not be on her hooves.
Master race, baby.
That sentence was─to the best of my understanding─said in the spirit of a somewhat older piece of ─Once again, guessing here─American slang which was occasionally used by certain individuals as a type of punctuation. Baby was simply put at the end of a sentence to add emphasis, or for various other effects. When she said master race, she intended it as the unicorn baby being a unicorn, the race she was talking about, and being capable of flight, the supposed pegasus ability, as well as pretty impressive control of magic at such a young age.
1627907
Ah, I guess that first one's a good point. I did think so, but I didn't feel it was ENTIRELY right-sounding even considering Twilight's again, narcissistic(?) attitude. As for the second one, I did recall about unicorns being listed by Twilight as the one TRUE race while reading, but I just felt baby didn't sound correct as a race, considering it's an age. And the final sentence, I meant that it's like funny, even if it was incorrect (at least before, in my eyes) that she seems to imply that a baby can tap into its inherent ability (at least, if you're a unicorn or a pegasus) when they're unknowing of how to do so or much else, when they may have to train later on in life how to fly or do magic. Even if you didn't address it, just thought I'd say cause you quoted it in your response to my original comment on this chapter.
1624806
Why do you feel that real world genetics must apply to a race of magical ponies?
Twilight Pinkie Pie wasn't indulging in her own fetish, you ever try taking care of two foals when you have to change them both at the same time, well as Pinkie Pie can tell you it ain't easy.
Dear Pinkie Pie:
I have some news that might surprise you. Last week, while high on pot, you had an orgy with the Wonderbolts. As a result... you're pregnant
Your
never virgin Princess, Celestia.P.S.: Please tell your male caretaker (uncle?) that he needs to watch his wife more closely
P.P.S.: Twilight has informed me that you may be unfit for motherhood.Good Luck
lol
Sure Pinkie, that's what they all say.
Pinkie's letter makes me think of a quote on one of my teacher's walls.
"You guys are the best birth control ever!"
Yes, I had to do that.