Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Friendship is Magic, Part 2

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Friendship is Magic: Part 2

Dear Princess Celestia,

Oh, would you look at that. Nightmare Moon came back! If only we knew! Oh, wait, I knew. Now she's covered the whole damn place in night. Your Royal Guards couldn't even stop her. Speaking of them, where the hell is my brother? He's the captain of the Royal Guard, and he doesn't show up for the Summer Sun Celebration? Must have been having sex with somepony. I think he was doing that with my old foal sitter too. Every time he got home, she'd put a book in front of me and then sneak off with him.

So as I'm going back to the library to try and make up for lost time, these other five follow me, like they think I need their help or something. Whoever the last librarian was didn't have a damn clue. While the druggie found the reference guide to the Elements of Harmony under 'E', that's NOT how you sort books in a library. Have these Ponyville simpletons not heard of the Filly Decimal System?

So because you and your sister just kind of left the most powerful magical objects known to ponydom in the forest somewhere, I guess I have to go find them. Or, rather, us. These other five won't leave me alone. They probably want to take the credit or something. But not Pinkie. I'm pretty sure she's after candy apples.

First off, we barely managed to survive a landslide, and the farm pony tried to get me to commit suicide because she couldn't lift me back up from the edge of the cliff. I thought earth ponies were supposed to be strong. Oh well. It just reaffirms that unicorns are indeed the master race.

So after the landslide, we run into this pissed off Manticore. We took a little beating, but we were about to get the best of it when that animal rights activist Fluttershy had a death wish and trotted right up to it and took the thorn out of it's foot. Stupid creature, although, I must admit, it did wonders with her hair afterwards.

After making a little more progress, Pinkie once again demonstrated the horrors of drug addiction. We ran into these freakishly scary trees, and she thought they were funny. What the fuck is she on? Not too much farther on, we ran into a gay sea serpent who was having a bad mustache day, and Rarity cut off her hideous tail to calm him down. I really don't understand why he thinks a handlebar of two different colors is a fashion statement.

After Rainbow Dash took forever tying the bridge back up to your old castle, we finally found the Super Stone Spheres of Harmony. When the five ponies finally give me some peace and quiet to find out how they work, who should show up but Nightmare Moon! I knew I could take her one on one, but your stupid elements didn't work. So I had to buy some time, and then I had the perfect idea when I heard the others come to check on me. They'd be the perfect distraction!

For I had forgotten the secret to harnessing the Elements of Harmony – a dramatic monologue! After assigning each one of these dimwits an element at random, they joined up to form the Rainbow Cannon, which surprisingly didn't kill Nightmare Moon. And then you showed up, revealing that you had used me to redeem your stupid jealous sister who doesn't know that ponies sleep during the night.

So screw it. I'm not coming back to your school. In fact, Ponyville needs me. With my help, these peasants could actually amount to something in life. I'll even write you every week, proving to you how right I am.

Your former student,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note:

January 2014 Update:
Voicemail From A Disgruntled Friendship Student: Friendship is Magic: Part 2

Comments

[SFC Ponycron]

This is a, well, it's a...different, shall we say...twist on the series. I must admit, I got a couple of giggles out of it.

I think I might have to track this...

[DragonLS]

I laughed... hard.

[Duffman18]

Have you seen this video?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4JmXEufp7M&feature=BFa&list=LLZR2kXhXtXh8cjxz_Gdp_xw

Because this seems like the logical conclusion after seeing it. Funniest thing I have read in a while. Keep up the good work.

[X9ss]

I got a laugh-boner from this!

[Apocryphal Frost]

710757 Don't forget absolutely racist! =D

[Agrith]

This is what you get if you analyze the show too literally.

[milesprower06]

710875 I wouldn't put it as analyzing it too closely or literally. I've just watched every episode more than 3 times, and I figured I'd make a comedy based on Twilight never losing that "why am I here" attitude that she had in the first episode, and yes, adding in a bit more crudeness.

[Twifight Sparkill]

Hahaha! Hilarious! Oh, I'm quite sure Twilight is very egotistical, she just keeps it under wraps. C'mon, personal princess protégé? Saved Equestria twice? The most powerful unicorn living??

Oh yeah, she's full of herself. These letters are perfect! Bravo!

- But... I'm not like that...

[baconcake]

Wow. This is... really fucking funny. My new favorite comedy fic.

[secondaryspine]

I dunno

[Pleaseworkforonce]

SO MUCH WIN

[take flight]

this is genuinely hilarious great job

[Lyall]

MORE. NOW.

[OddOneOut]

unicorns are that master race. heil Twilight!!!

[milesprower06]

711411 I'm very flattered. Maybe finally make it onto EqD. My last two stories that got high amounts of praise were rejected by Seth and crew, for being related to Cupcakes, and being a self-insert. I even submitted a formal complaint, which was flatly ignored.

[milesprower06]

712111 I hope to have more out soon. I have to break 2500 words to submit to EqD, if I decide I want to do that.

[milesprower06]

713962 I doubt that. My Cupcake Chronicles series is the most popular thing I have ever done online (200,000+ hits), and I tried to get as many people as possible to send a complaint about the EqD guidelines. Nothing happened.

[wariyoshi]

"Not too much farther on, we ran into a gay sea serpent who was having a bad mustache day"
Admit it, everyone who saw the episode thought that

[infinite scratch]

We all want to be on whatever pinkie is on

[Frost]

AKA, if Smosh did "If MLP was real," which unfortunately will not happen. Hilarious.

[thewookie1]

Unicorns are the master race.....

If Frau Sparkle say "We are the Master Race"
Seig Heil, Heil right in Frau Sparkle's face!

[RedvsBlue327]

"Unicorns are the master race."

Great, now I won't be able to get the mentally abriged Twilight out of my head while reading this.

Now to read MOAR!

[Minecraftian Equine]

710773 I despise you now...that link is a playlist...with ponies the anthology after it...GODDAMMIT now i have to watch it again...*sigh*

[Blitz the Dragon]

Okay, I take back my previous comment; this is alternate Twilight. She is like a more subdued Michael of Ragequit.

[KillerSteel]

Disgruntled evolved into Asshole

Reading on.

[Niklashg]

"For I had forgotten the secret to harnessing the Elements of Harmony – a dramatic monologue!" Ever magic artefact needs one to be used. XD

[Aru]

I'm reading second chapter and i can't unseen one thing. Twilight emerged with Dan from Dan vs XXX.

[canius]

shes racist

[hannahs98]

Oh my goodness, I love this! ...

Twilight, you naughty filly. I never knew you had... a different view on the matters going on! Liked, favorited and tracked, my dear milesprower06!~

[Jake8765]

Well Celestia...doesn't really do much.

[Azure Sandora]

Wow... Twilight is a bitch...

[Apocalypse Pony]

Ha! I like it!

[Arcanist Ascendant]

I'm reminded of Freeman's Mind.

This is a good thing.

[Iplemons]

lol master race unicorns

[swiftstriker21]

why did you make twilight racist?

[AdobE]

Should say "dear scumbag celestia" XDD
Love it

[Biker_Dash]

"Animal rights activist with a death wish"

FUCKING PRICELESS!!!

[Enmar]

:o

[ianmoone]

You know what a.....fattlipp.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/bad-idea.jpg ...is?

Writing to the most powerful being on the planet and telling her she sucks when she lives literaly down the road.

[Guiding_Passion]

Wow I'm glad we didn't get that version of Twilight this one's a real asshole.

[ThatPinkPony]

I always did like fluttershy's hair better after the manticore

[gale-wind]

I was amused at first, but the mention of unicorns being the master race. Lol. You won me over completely.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Excuse me Twilight Sparkle your Princess Clara is showing.

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

Your brother and foalsitter are indeed making sweet, sweet love

Your former Teacher, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: I need a new student, so I'm taking your old Smarty Pants Doll

[demon94]

1799764
Dear Princess Celestia,

No, Smarty Pants!
I will have revenge!

Your pissed off former student, Twilight Sparkle
P. S.: Shining Armor and Cadence?!

[BookWyrm01]

Twilight's true form... And it's not pretty...

[Kineta Kore]

It just reaffirms that unicorns are indeed the master race.

Oh, I get it! It's like Mein Kampf, but with ponies! Right?

...Right?

[YourLocalFaxMachine]

2285722

Seems like it, I feel so much closer to Twilight knowing she's just like Hitler

[TheMysteriousFilly]

Hmm... I have mixed feelings. Not about the story, though, it's great. I was reading this a little while back, and I think you may have changed some stuff... Am I correct?

[Scoutergun]

Haha Druggie Pie