Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Student Counsel

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.

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Dear Princess Cadance,

Worst advice ever. A picnic to woo Starlight on our one-on-one date didn't work at all!

She kept teleporting back to work in the middle of it!

Yours truly,
The Horny and Bewildered Trixie

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Dear Trixie,

Guess Starlight must be into stallions, then. Try dyeing your mane red and your coat orange and wear a blue coat and spectacles.

Love,
Princess Cadance

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Dear Princess Cadance,

Why did Trixie just demand message me to send her my wardrobe?

Your Confused Royal Crystaller,
Sunburst

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Dear Sunburst,

Oh, she's trying some crossdressing because I made her think Starlight has a thing for nerds.

Sincerely,
Princess Cadance

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Dear Princess Cadance,

She is into nerds.

Namely, me.

Sincerely,
Sunburst

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Dear Starlight Glimmer,

Three strikes and you're out.

This is the third time something bad occurred while you were in charge of the school!

I will never let you be headmistress of my school ever again!

Signed,
Headmistress Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Headmistress Twilight Sparkle,

I don't know about that. Most viewers already know that Starlight ends up being in charge of the school by the end of the show.

Guess that makes you the biggest idiot to put her in charge a fourth time.

Your bouncing employee,
Pinkie Pie

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Dear Stupid Pie,

Shut the fuck up! Nopony asked you!

Your irritated boss,
Headmistress Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Fluttershy,

I am in need of your assistance. I would like you to get a cockatrice and stone my stallionfriend.

Signed,
Maud

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Dear Fluttershy,

Please don't.

Even if she managed to only make it to the portion of my body that she wants to keep hard forever, I am afraid that it would make urinating and ejaculating... Complicated.

A technically terrified stallion,
Mudbriar

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Dear Mum and Dad,

Guess what new pet I got!

Your daughter,
Silverstream

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Dear Headmistress Twilight,

We like to file a complaint on your supposed best teacher in your school; Professor Fluttershy. Who in the right mind thought it was safe for our daughter to tame such a dangerous animal!

Signed,
Sky Beak and Ocean Flow

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Dear Silverstream’s parents,

Perhaps you underestimate the true bonds between tamer and creature. I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter would be able to biomerge with Edith down the line.

Your expert beast tamer,
Professor Fluttershy

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Dear Starlight,

Say, nice bracelet.

Can you make one that goes off when I'm horny?

Sincerely,
Headmistress Twilight

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Dear Headmistress Twilight,

So... You want me to make you a bracelet that never stops vibrating?

No.

Sincerely,
Counselor Starlight

Author's Note:

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Dear Headmistress Twilight,

We like to file a complaint on your supposed best teacher in your school; Professor Fluttershy. Who in the right mind thought it was safe for our daughter to tame such a dangerous animal!

Signed,
Sky Beak and Ocean Flow

Well, both Silverstream and that cockatrice are part bird. It takes a bird to know a bird sometimes.

[denneylaw]

Dear Mudbrier,

Think that was scary, try getting trapped in stone for 1,000 years. Guaranteed your stick will be more stone than stick after all that time.

Lord of Chaos,
Discord

Dear Maud,

I know how to make him stone forever. And you don't need your own cockatrice for it either. For the right price if you know what i mean.

Sincerely,

Shadow Tempest
Fizzlepop Berrytwist

[FanOfMostEverything]

Perhaps you underestimate the true bonds between tamer and creature. I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter would be able to biomerge with Edith down the line.

Wasn't expecting a Digimon Tamers reference, but I'm not complaining.

[Smashbrosarrmagedon]

Dear Stupid Pie,
Shut the fuck up! Nopony asked you!

Your irritated boss,
Headmistress Twilight Sparkle

From a anonymous person

Princess Twilight Sparkle

I know how you feeling today, but as I see, you problem against a person who loves to mess with you, in my case I have the perfect solution:

Level 14 probation

Just imagine, Level 14 probation, the attitude of you're "friends" melting their hopes and dreams intro oblivion as a pair of white eyes staring them in the darkness along with a ominous laugh, trust me my life going to hell as everyone returns in the mansion, but trust me you don't want to know about details

Anonymous

P.s. hi Twilight Nanas, my bro Master Hand say that you're going insane again for the incoming Trivia Trot

THAT'S RIGHT I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!!!!

Crazy Hand

P.s. # 2 Good Damit Crazy! Shut up and don't spoil for everyone else!

Master Hand

[Spiritus Arcane]

Dear Mum and Dad,

Guess what new pet I got!

Your daughter,
Silverstream

Silverstream probably brought home a lot of sharks when she was younger...

[Neko Majin C]

My dearest Mistress Headmistress Empress Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Do you remember that bracelet Starlight is wearing that tells her when someone is knocking on her door? Is it just me, or does that thing strongly resemble the cock ring you told me that I lost last week? She obviously turned off the vibration and tightening functions, but it has the blinking and the dinging and it is the same color. Do you think she stole it? Or... is it possible you gave it to her and purposefully neglected to tell her what it is? Because if so, that is hilarious. Does that mean you were the one to turn off the vibrator and the tightener? Her reaction when she finds out what it is will be priceless! Oh! And I never got a chance to wash it! This just keeps getting better and better! You are a diabolical genius, Mistress Headmistress Empress Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Signed your most loyal slave and now even more ardent admirer,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[howard035]

10564247
And Fluttershy as well!

[mickal9090]

Dear Twilight

That's right, no full name. Let's fight.

Sincerely,
That one guy.

[Sean Mulligan]

I don't get the biomerge reference.

[milesprower06]

10797171
Reference to Digimon Tamers.