Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Hearts and Hooves Day

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Hearts and Hooves Day

Dear Princess Celestia,

It has come to my attention that the three fillies Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, also known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, have a serious problem. They think they can take any two ponies they want and make them fall in love.

HOW SICK IS THAT?

I mean, let's say Rainbow got hurt and was unable to fly. I bet those three would see fit to shack her up with Applejack at her farm, and watch as they fall in love. I mean damn, what kind of sick freak would do that?

The three stooges took my book that had the recipe for a love potion and then gave it to Ms. Cheerilee and Big Macintosh. The main problem with the love potion is that they really don't do anything except stare into each other's eyes. That's not hot, that's not sexy or erotic. If you truly loved each other, you wouldn't just stare at each other – you'd rail each other over and over again. Why do you think I've never used it?

The point is, you just can't stick two ponies together and make them fall in love, and whoever does that as a hobby has no life at all, whatsoever. I mean, what would they do with you? Turn you into a tyrannical sexual deviant who preys upon Equestria's entire population? Actually, never mind. I can't see them going that far.

And what do they get out of it? Is there some sweet satisfaction in knowing a pony's personality and character so well that you know exactly who their very special somepony is? Do they clop, knowing that their actions lead to erotic lovemaking? As a matter of fact, I think that's why they do it; for the sex. That's equally puzzling, because I think they're a tad too young to be learning about that yet.

But I think I'm going to start going after Big Mac. I mean...wow...he can pull an entire house while hopping merrily. Just imagine how it'll feel when he mounts me...oh yeah.

I just have to get Cheerilee out of the picture. Damn tramp.

Your sexually-fantasizing former student,
Twilight Sparkle

Comments

[DeathRiseRobo]

Nice one yet again, dear author. Poor, poor twilight.

[Steel Wing]

Turn you into a tyrannical sexual deviant who preys upon Equestria's entire population?

Mother of Molestia...
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121101191838/mlpfanart/images/c/cf/Princess_Molestia's_face.png

[Reignbow]

Interesting

[Feather West]

I mean, let's say Rainbow got hurt and was unable to fly. I bet those three would see fit to shack her up with Applejack at her farm, and watch as they fall in love. I mean damn, what kind of sick freak would do that?

I see what you did there.

[Strategia]

Many lols were had. Keep it up!

[Something Eight]

I mean, let's say Rainbow got hurt and was unable to fly. I bet those three would see fit to shack her up with Applejack at her farm, and watch as they fall in love. I mean damn, what kind of sick freak would do that?

pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133687811914.gif

Thank you so much for this.

[Arby]

>I mean, let's say Rainbow got hurt and was unable to fly. I bet those three would see fit to shack her up with Applejack at her farm, and watch as they fall in love. I mean damn, what kind of sick freak would do that?

hurrhurr i c wut u did thar

[silvadel]

Wouldn't that be Cadence though?

[DrOblivian]

So wraps up another day in the screwed up town of ponyville. Ahhh poor twilight, will she ever get the royal fucking that she oh so desperately seeks? Will Celestia keep putting up with her constant bitching? will pinkie pie finally overdose? well just have to wait and see!!!! Stay tuned for the next installment of "Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student"

[Equus Pallidus]

1704361
Episode 43: Teach lesson about not meddling in the love lives of others, not forcing love, etc.
Episode 51/52: Introduce Cadence, because its apparently okay to do all that if you're a pink pretty pony princess.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw4915.jpg

[Namara]

images.wikia.com/creepypasta/images/9/9a/Fap-now-kiss-l.png

[East Coast]

711092 I don't why you're

*reads first chapter*

...

[jakol]

I expected great things
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSgqT01g8sFhlu46Obcf6kVGlK9EtgWVxG5zhBVzPSjAWP_KDCGcQ

[Mister Cider]

I like how Twilight has slowly gone from utter bitch to a jerk with a small soft spot.
The last roundup letter really shows how she's grown, and then there's this one.

It's nice.

[Willow Arqueiro]

and
Perfect couple

[Red Bomber]

To make it worse about the whole Molestia thing is that Molestia was a succubus demon who pretended to be Celestia for who knows what and even though she was supposed to be a "fake official character," just a random joke that somoene made, everyone else somehow had the bright idea to make this demon a part of Celestia's "alternate" personality along with Tryantlestia. It gets even worse when most of these people keep insisting that it's actually Celestia's "other" personality, but no, she's not. Molestia is an entirely different character altogether and I really hate it when people keep trying make these two different characters the same one.

I like Twilight ragged on the shippers especially with that "too young" comment like she was referring to their maturity as well.

[SpacePaladin]

You know, I'm wondering what she's going to say when she sees BM barely able to life a cake.

[MoldyShishkabob]

1704401 If Cadence is related to Molest Celestia, then she probably gets every right to do whatever she wants from the sun goddess.
Celly probably "knows" that alicorns can do no wrong anyway.

[milesprower06]

1704459 'Too young' was referring to the Crusaders.

[Biker_Dash]

If Twilight needs to get railed that bad... then WHY THE FUCK can't I be that HiE for once damnit!

[Iryelb]

iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/157289%2B-%2Banimated%2Bcursor%2Bderpy_hooves.gif?1333659283

[TJAW]

I like how Twi is growing. I'd like to see her actually caring about her brother, and writing about how she'd "Fucking gut any pastel tramp trying to break his heart". I also like how meta this fic has become.

On another note, railing against shipping is good to see, but I've always thought that the worst kinds of shipfics are between Mane 6 members, princesses, villains, and side characters; essentially any overused pairing you see in the featured box. However, shipping a canon with a non-canon (i.e. an OC or a character in a crossover) takes much more skill to do properly, which is why you see so few OC shipfics that are decent, and even fewer crossover shipfics that are any good. For instance, an OCxGilda with a superhero semi-parody twist would be interesting to see handled by a well-known author, and Master ChiefxCelestia would be godly if done well.

[journcy]

Oh, the hits scored and irony blurbed.
'Twas glorious.
*shakes head laughingly*

[milesprower06]

1704561 It's all in good fun. I've read plenty of good (and bad) shipfics. I tend to enjoy the Mane 6 ones the most, actually. Appledash is my favorite.

[Inkarus]

1704459

I like how you're talking about Molestia like she's a canon -anything- and not just a fun concept played around with by the fans, and I like how you're butthur that everyone does not conform to the original jackass's imaginings of a fake character, especially in fandom, which is meant to bastardize canon of anything that can have fans.

Tl;dr Lighten up

[TJAW]

1704583
Eh, I just think they're so overused. I mean, they're like the noobtube to getting into the featured box. Write a semi-original interesting summary, come up with a decent/clever title, and find an attention-grabbing cover image and you're set. I don't dislike them, because I always give fics a chance on principle, but I also don't read them.

Then why haven't I done this, you ask? Because even after the Twilight SparklexShining Armor consenual incest and pseudo-romantic clopfic that made it to the featured box and was in there for like three days, I'm not that cynical. Or maybe I am, and I just have standards without realizing it.

[milesprower06]

1704658 Did you like that fic? I thought it was well written for what it was.

[Chuck Baleigh]

Yeah, I kinda knew there'd be a message about shipping in this.
I didn't expect a Molestia reference, though.
Well played.

[infinite scratch]

Is it called shipping if hub does it?

[TJAW]

1704681
I couldn't even bring myself to read it. I mean, Twi is my favorite pony, and while most portrayals of her out there I could stomach, I just couldn't... Ya know? Hell, any incest fics would have the same reaction from me. The first day it was out my jimmies went into maximum over-rustle. After that I just watched it recede, and celebrated when it finally left the box.

[Phazon]

1704583 We know. You wrote one. And then you took a self-deprecating jab at it in this chapter.

[Steel Resolve]

1704681
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwsbbrSvMD1r5yhbco1_500.png

[Alaxsxaq]

Funny meta-references! Also, if I may, I'd personally love to see another letter written by Celestia.

[YorkBrony]

Love this story, but can we get another letter from celestia soon??

[milesprower06]

1704871 She hallucinated the only letter from her thus far.

[Kail]

[KMCA]

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/30698072.jpg

[milesprower06]

1705044 Pfft. I go there every day.

[The Maelstrom]

I believe THIS is in relevance
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4627-Discord.gif

[Red Bomber]

1704530
Oh it just sounded liike it was referring to them as well as the other shippers.

1704616
It's only a fun concept in the same manner as Cupcakes Pinkie Pie except that was passed to her striaght hair depressed self, despite the fact that it was a regular Pinkie Pie that did all those things to Rainbow Dash.

[dragondude2201]

711411HI GRAND MASTER ASSASSIN EZIO

[Azure Sandora]

1704554 That amused me for a long time...

[Iryelb]

1705292
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120514174826/mlp/images/7/79/FANMADE_Twilight_Sparkle_filly_dancing.gif

[Azure Sandora]

I can't wait for "Putting Your Hoof Down". A word of warning, that was my favorite episode in season 2, so that may be one chapter I judge harshly, but after reading this gem, I don't think I have anything to worry about.

As for Twilight, I agree with some of the others commenters. Her growth throughout these letters is good. She actually seems like someone I'd be friends with (I actually know someone almost just like her, and I love her to death). She's a good pony, she's just a bit of a bitch... that's all.

I'm a bitch, and people still like me.

[Azure Sandora]

1704893 LIES!!! I know that letter was real! And I'll prove it!

How? Um... got me...

[kingtiger666]

Scootaloo x Babs Seed! Make it happen!

[D48]

Nice work, although I feel like you should have referenced Cadence in this chapter. After all, Twilight does know about her and her power so it would not be unreasonable to reference her. Heck, even a "P.S. Please show this to Cadence" would have been enough with a bit of funnying up.

[Kage no Brony]

1704477

That's probably after several rounds of fantasy fulfillment, if you know what I mean.

1704499 1704401 1704361 1705446

I see it kind of like this: The potion puts in feelings that weren't there, and cranks them up to eleven. Cadance's magic can only effect ponies who already have the feelings, and reminds those ponies of those feelings - kind of like a memory spell, but for feelings. Make sense?

[RedvsBlue327]

I actually know of a pretty aged story where Celestia has a majorly pent up sexual desire, which then explodes, and she hunts down various ponys for forced sexy times.

Anybody care in reading that completely not at all NSFW material?

[BlackOps04]

1705057 Good thing youre not Simba then