Applebuck Season
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Applebuck Season
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I learned that Applejack is an idiot. I mean, she's supposed to be an experienced farmer, yet she put an impossible amount of work on her plate, and thus, brought disaster after disaster onto Ponyville, while really only preventing one.
The day started with a fuckton of cows stampeding towards town. Stupid creatures, they are. I mean, come on, an entire herd startled because one of them freaked out over a snake. Just trample the damn snake. Clearly, animals startled so easily are not fit to exist. I wonder what we could do with the useless ones. I bet they're tasty.
So the town wanted to recognize AJ for saving this dump from being stampeded. It took them a week to organize this staged award ceremony. I even came up with a comedy routine, and made a list of ponies better than her, but I never got the chance because my “friends” kept interrupting me with the things Applejack promised to do with them. When Applejack finally showed up, she was practically half asleep, said a few words, and dragged that trophy back to the farm.
Following her back to ask what happened, I found out that Big Macintosh got hurt, and was unable to help with Applebuck Season. So Applejack, the Element of Honesty, honestly believes she can handle that entire orchard by herself. This ought to be good.
So I was in the middle of reading this really great erotic novel later that day when Rainbow came crashing down on my balcony, after being catapulted into the air by Applejack. What, is AJ made of dark matter or something? And I was just getting to the good part.
Later on, she helped Pinkie poison half the town. I mean, I really couldn't understand why they would let such a thing happen. Why in Equestria would they let that druggie anywhere near a kitchen? Are they crazy? No wonder half the town got sick. Those muffins were probably filled with some of her stash.
And to top things off, Fluttershy's new generation of slave bunnies got free and rampaged across town. Clearly, she needs to keep her slave population under control. I'll suggest a whip to her next time I see her.
So I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is this: Big Macintosh must be a fucking beast.
I mean, Applejack didn't even get a quarter of the orchard bucked, and Big Macintosh covers the rest? I mean damn, if we do make food out of the useless cows, we can call it the Big Mac. That would be the best sandwich ever.
Your hungry former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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YOU, SIR, ARE TRULY HILARIOUS.
.......Big Mac
You almost killed me with that, I have a new rule while reading your stories. Don't drink water.
Twilight Sparkle channels Yahtzee, with hilarious results.
Celestia's definitely gonna send you to the moon after all this is through, but don't worry. I'll be the first to petition for your release.
This stuff is such a hilarious spin on the series.
Next up on Disgruntled Letters, Twilight invents bacon in a fit of rage.
Wow. Just... Wow. The other letters were pretty good, but the entirety of this one is made of epic and win.
Probably my favorite line goes to "I bet they're tasty," followed shortly by "What, is AJ made of dark matter?"
LOL at the Golden Arches joke.
Excellent as always.
Oh my Sisters, that "dark matter" ref . . . I wonder how many people actually get that.
They keep getting better, with each one making me laugh more and more
Hehe, keep this stuff up, man. It's great!
Now if only we could get Tara Strong to read one of these.
719677 No, Yahtzee talks about sex more XD
We need to petition Tara Strong to do this. To read even ONE of these letters.
It must be done.
Regards
GM
Lol big Mac is win
So much win! so funny i almost pissed myself laughing!
Ok...I admit it...I am ADDICTED to reading these 'letters'.
Even though I know Twilight would never dare actually write these to Celestia, they still are funny as hell.
I have to admit that I don't get the 'dark matter' reference everyone is talking about.
And the slave bunnys part XD Oh god, new rule, bring an oxygen tank for each chapter of your storys!
You know, about cows being useless, it reminds me of something my dad thought about out loud once.
How the heck did cows survive evolution? They move at a painfully slow pace, and they don't have anything to fight predators off with. No claws, fangs, nothing of the sort! And I highly doubt they can rear themselves on their hind legs and crush they're undoubtedly numerous predators like horses. (and even they don't do it I think)
Anyways, carnivorous ponys thanks to Twilight? I'm liking McBitchy more and more!
719677 yes.
719739 YES.
725581 SO MUCH FUCKING YES.
770834
Cows were a lot more like buffalo or bison before being bred over generations to be huge and delicious. We bred the survival instincts out, to fit more beef in.
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/10/15/89dfde93-9cee-40a4-aa22-65af2b176457.jpg
So I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is this: Big Macintosh must be a fucking beast.
I mean, Applejack didn't even get a quarter of the orchard bucked, and Big Macintosh covers the rest? I mean damn, if we do make food out of the useless cows, we can call it the Big Mac. That would be the best sandwich ever.
You magnificent bastard.....
Oh my... Nazi Twilight Sparkle? I would pay for someone to draw and color that.
719516 Oh-hoh-hoh, dat slaps me on the knee!
723837 What vidio can you send my a link plzzz because i dident get the refrence
726460 I agree where do i need to sing?
736164
860619
Here you go. Have fun, kiddies!
719516
I LOLed.
Enjoying myself.
Oh Celestia... My Lungs... STOP IT!
But no, NEVER stop this. This is absolutely bucking hilarious.
Dark matter is abundant in Equestria. Butterflies are also made out of it.
Missed a perfect chance to point out that Big Mac was hurt for wearing the drag.
719516 I'd like a Daisy burger and some apple fries please.
...
...
...
..
CANT STAND IT 
The Big Mac... I died of laughter...
This is great..
*laughs out loud*
FINALLY a McDonald's reference! Priceless stuff you got here. Keep the
's coming!
Oh, and PO'ed Twilight is best pony.
959343
I watched that video before I became a brony, and was laughing so hard at how awkward he was.
719677 zero puncuation yahzee?
Dear God, only the fourth one and I'm already laughing so hard. This is pure fucking genius.
Twilight thinks Big Mac is tasty
"Rainbow interrupted me while I was reading a great erotic novel." And I was just about to reach climax- I mean I was on the last chapter.
Ohh, Twilight has the hots for a certain stallion
Love the dark matter reference.
I'm still laughing at Big Mac.
Well played with the Big Mac joke. Laid in early, paid off in the end. Bravo.
Oh that was a good one.
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
I'm glad your friend was there to stop the rampage
And I was the one who requested those slave bunnies
Your faithful Bringer of the day, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: You may wish to consider joining P.E.T.A. (Ponies for the Eating of Tasty Animals) and offer that suggestion. I hear they are talking about rounding up all the cows and using them for food
P.P.S.: Don't tell Fluttershy
I lost it...
ROLF
B**** PLS
1382145 No, i think he meant the dice game.
The last paragraph...I just can't stop laughing