Keep Calm and Flutter On
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Keep Calm and Flutter On
Dear Princess Celestia,
Have you run out of ponies to seduce and molest or something? It has gotten SO bad that you are actually going to risk thawing out your ex lover from carbonite?
Yeah, don't act so surprised. It was totally obvious. He had a one night stand with Luna, you mooned her, and turned him to stone so he could pleasure you without complaining, but for some reason that's become boring. So now you've brought him to us, and then take off into the sky before we release him. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
I still can't believe you want us to do this. Even if Fluttershy can miraculously convince him to reform his ways, there are ponies here that will never trust him. Me, for instance. And because of that, we can never give him a second chance. It would cause all sorts of internal and external conflict, and if there's one thing I've learned living in Ponyville, it's that we can never, ever deal with conflict in a civilized manner. It's obviously because everypony here has piss-poor attitudes and shitty personalities!
But because none of us want to go to the moon, and five of us don't want to get molested, we go along with this. We release him from the stone, and he reveals that he has heard everything in his vicinity, which suddenly made all the possibilities very, very funny. He ends up staying with Fluttershy, where he puts the cottage in midair and rotates it. Yet Fluttershy says everything's fine. She must have gotten a look at his equipment and now wants some of that too. She invites us all over for a dinner party, where Discord wanted to convince Rainbow she had a food fetish, and all the candlesticks danced. At least they didn't start a song with the dishes.
Angel comes to play charades, revealing that Sweet Apple Acres was flooding again. Upon investigation, it was the beavers who haven't had enough soap in their mouths. Also, everypony knows that the beavers are under Discord's influence because of their red eyes? Well why the fuck did nopony notice Trixie's red eyes before I got my sexy ass flung out of town? Bullshit!
So Fluttershy, ever the pussy, tries to gently ask Discord to change everything back to the way it was, and to make the beavers rated G again. After making her promise to never use the Element of Kindness against him, he turns the whole orchard into an ice skating rink. Complete with a biased panel of judges. True to her word, Fluttershy doesn't use Kindness, instead, she gets pissed. Claiming that he didn't fix it, Discord instead wants her to come skating with him. Deciding to keep her promise, she doesn't accept her necklace from Spike, and instead gets ready to put her skates on. But the line is finally crossed when Discord finally thinks that he can do whatever he wants because of his friendship with her, she throws the skates and walks away. At last realizing that continuing this nonsense would cost him his friendship with the adorable cunt, he restores Sweet Apple Acres to the racist inbred paradise it was.
Fluttershy is actually quite clever. I think I get it now. If somepony likes you enough, they'll do anything for you, even change who they are, and accept that they won't always get things their way. Maybe I should start being nicer to everypony, caring about others' feelings, and perhaps people will want to spend more time with me.
Nah, screw it. Everypony sucks anyway. I don't need to change, they do.
Your former student who is set in her ways,
Twilight Sparkle
Stats
Page generated in 0.038 seconds
Total duration
920 users online
372,546 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I know what the issue is... Fluttershy threatened him with no sex if he didn't submit
whew.
Was worried about you for a moment there 'twi
I had a feeling Celestia sending Luna to the moon was way more personal.
Good story, can't wait for S4 letters
Twilight Twilight -- you should have learned by now -- you don't have to start being nicer to the other ponies -- you just have to FAKE being nicer to the other ponies. It is easier and can net you all kinds of self satisfaction as you add double-meanings to everything and laugh at them not with them as they accept your compliments.
oh twilight i hope you never change
Pot calling the kettle black, Twilight. Either that, or that's precisely why you fits in so well in Ponyville.
Discord also 'politely suggested' that Rainbow use the candlesticks to pleasure herself. Or am I the only one who thought that?
Twilight almost learned something there.
Oh good she came to her senses, crisis averted. phew
Ciao darling
Okay, back to the funny!
i was scared that you were actually gonna make a friendship report; don't scare us like that
I was really hoping Fluttershy would write this friendship report.
Oh darn, I was wondering what Discord had to say about all this.
Ten again, it would be hard to make him top everyone else in this town in douchebaggery.
Well played sir
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8372-128315.gif
*Starts up a slow clap that swiftly turns into a standing ovation* Pure brilliance, sir!
I think we all know what song they would've sang.
Wow you know she actually brings up a good point. How come the ponies noticed the beavers red eyes and yet they didn't notice Trixie's?
Alas Twilight if no one is ever willing to change their ways nothing ever gets done.
Oh well perhaps you could get Discord to help you out with your troubles. After all I'm sure he'd love to brainwash somepony into nailing you. Or maybe he'll even be willing to do it himself.
Awww, why didn't you add a letter from Discord??
Carbonite? I don't think that he color Discord was looked much like Carbonite.
Might have been a reference I didn't get, anyway.
Just about sums it up.
2162582
If Twilight's been rejected by everyone in Ponyville, Canterlot, and everywhere else she's been in the last 2-3 years, what the hell makes you think Discord's going to take her up on that offer. Hmm... Then again, dogs fuck dogs, bears fuck bears, so maybe all the things that turn everyone else off from Twilight are right up a draconequus' alley.
Have fun in 3 episodes, Twilight!
Hm.
amplifiedmag.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/freddie-so-close.png
2162643
media.techeblog.com/images/hansoloincarbonite.jpg
Hint hint wink wink nudge nudge
Very good sir.
Laughed so hard I sprayed Dr. Pepper out of my nose. (It hurt.)
-Mis
2162643 Star Wars.... Han in carbonite? *ring ring?*
Awww, she was so close to be a nice pony. XD
But boy will she be in for a surprise in a couple episodes about the "change" thingie. XDDD
Will you continue once S4 airs or had aired?
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
It's a shame you're such a dick. I must admit that your ass looked quite attractive, but Fluttershy's is just as nice, plus she's much friendlier. Oh well, I hope you enjoy your long nights of solitude.
Love, Discord.
P.S.: Forget the "love" part.
The fact that she said all of that before this last line shows that even someone like her can get this close to changing as well.
2162711 Well he is a master of chaos. And he's skilled at brainwashing.
2164108 Well, as long as you don't start arguing about it in the comments, I don't care. I've given out two warnings already and have started deleting comments.
Gag kinda falls flat due to lack of information. Which extra character besides Twilight does want to get molested? Rarity? Spike?
2164208
I think Twilight is the one.
2164208 ...seriously?
What character, throughout the series, has been obsessed with getting laid?
Yeah, some of my jokes are subtle, and require some deeper insight.
:>
2164263 2164339 ...Insight of such skill that one would be able to accurately predict who the killers are in every Scream movie. Out of the seven main characters (Twilight, Dash, AJ, Flutters, Rarity, Pinkie, and Spike), Twilight says that five don't want to be molested and two do. Preschool-level math indicates an empty space next to Twilight.
If you're implying that the "mane six" are the only ones who are applicable, I honestly can't stand that. My faith in the fandom always dies a little when people fail to see that Twilight's slave is just as important as the ponies. That would imply that the show really is only about ponies rather than friendship (Fax Machine being Twilight's closest and most loyal friend), which in turn implies that Hasbro deserves our loyalty more than the Studio B production crew. Pisses me off when victims of child labor aren't treated as equals.
2164132 I think you're misunderstanding me here, because from what you just said, the only way he's going to agree to screw Twilight is if he brainwashes himself.
2164837
Let me handle this, author.
Princess Celestia gave THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY the task to tame Discord, both in canon AND this story. So, if they fail, there is no reason for Spike to be punished. Right, my dear friend?
So, the start of the sentence (which says something about "them" being "mooned") implies that the "them" in Twilight's sentence refers to THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY, and Spike is not included (because otherwise it would imply that Spike is also getting punished). Therefore, if five ponies don't want to get molested, that implies that Twilight does want to.
Don't like this explanation? Here's another one:
This version of Twilight doesn't respect Spike and doesn't count him as an individual. He is "Fax Machine" to her, nothing else. Therefore, he is NOT included in the count.
Either way, there's nothing wrong with the current narrative.
2165080 Hey. There's no need for sarcasm, mister.
2164965 I'm not saying he needs to screw Twilight. I'm saying he could use his brainwashing powers to brainwash a stallion or even a mare into screwing Twilight. Of course chances are there'll be some sort of catch.
2166374 Yes, and while I acknowledge that other part of what you said, my point was only related to part of your comment, not everything in it.
https://soundcloud.com/the-illusive-badger/fanfic-reading-letters-from-a
It's a work in progress
2162080 Remember that over 80% of all the ponies lack any kind of actual personality...