Dear Granny Smith,
I'm happy to hear you've finally picked up on regular swimming again after all these years, even if it took a bit of liquid confidence to get there--and I don't mean hard liquor. We both know how far you can go with that in your system, and so does Mayor Mare. And all of the workers at Barley's Brewery. I hope you thought swimming in a beer vat was worth a lifetime ban, missy.
Then again, that sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I suppose it was worth it.
Oh, but Applesnack helped you come to your senses, didn't she? I wouldn't have guessed that, given you drank a tonic you described as "apple juice with seed chunks and leaves too. Very hearty." It really didn't sound that bad to drink, but I'll be honest and say that's not my cup of tea, not when I have Blend #33. Thanks for that blend, by the way--really makes this warm apple cider burst with flavor.
But that wasn't the issue with the tonic, which were claims of it being yet another miracle curative, if I recall. I'm quite surprised she lied about the tonic's benefits at first for your sake, because such a blatant flop at the silver tongues of those salesponies had only invited more trouble with, what else, quote mining and bastardization of her character. You'd think she'd learn by now that mincing words and dodging the issue just makes things worse for all involved and doesn't resolve anything until she owns up to her misstep. Well, if that hasn't gone through her head, it probably did by now, so here's to hoping she never has this problem again.
Don't tell to my nobles that honesty is the best policy, though. They will absolutely deny any wrongdoings to the bitter end, with 'justified' excuses armed and ready. "Oh no, I didn't mean to smash her balcony window. I was trying to get into my apartment, not hers." "I had to keep going after I hit that old stallion! My ice cream cake was going to melt! It was Death by Chocolate!" "No, I'm not mad they burnt to crunchy munchy caramel! I'll just send a new fireproof batch to you and--"
Oh, uh, that last one wasn't one of the excuses I heard. This note from Pinkie got mixed in somehow. I really should keep this desk cleaner, but it keeps piling up with paperwork that really, REALLY shouldn't be on my desk.
Anyway, glad you got your confidence back, and if you feel like going for a swim and have a free weekend, I have an indoor pool invitation with your name on it. You know, to prevent sunburns.
Friends Forever,
Princess Celestia
And speaking of paperwork...
Luna, come here. Do you see this giant scroll taking up almost half of my deskspace? That's from the Cutie Mark Crusaders, addressed to you.
Yeeep, precisely because of what you did a few days ago. Call it a hunch, but I bet it's filled with a bunch of reasons why they should be your dragon sitters, and they were pretty thorough, judging by the size of this.
I'm certain they expect a very thoughtful reply on this matter, so good luck with that!