Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Blame Games Ponies Play

My darling Cadance,

I'm so happy to hear that the Crystal Empire plays host to the Equestria Games this year. Harshwhinny already sent in her submission for the games location for approval, and it's one I signed without hesitation.

Although, Mrs. Harshwhinny did have a few choice words for Twilight and her friends for being so neglectful of the actual pony in charge of approval whilst pampering a complete stranger. "How those six accomplish anything with how inattentive they are to detail is beyond my comprehension."

And yes, she said that despite their inattention scoring the Crystal Empire the nomination by giving a tourist a royal welcome for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. She chalked that up to a happenstance of speaking with the pampered mare at the right time, otherwise the nomination would have been a write-up for the worst tourist hotspot since Cloudsdale for failing to accommodate Earth Ponies without the aid of Unicorn assistance or provision of Cloud Walker potions.

I clarified, however, that it's not her job to understand their actions or lack of noticing detail. It's mine, because I get the letters that make me want to visit a wall multiple times, head first. I know you've done it too when foalsitting Twilight years ago--you didn't get those red spots on your head from a rogue ketchup bottle. Points for creativity though.

I should say I'm a bad foster parent for leaving that example for you, but really, you're going to be doing that more often once you get all the princess duties set up over there. Let me know how your first day court goes; I have a few tips on how to make it through your future ones without thinking about punting those ponies clear to Canterlot.

Also, if you haven't acquired a stress-releasing weapon yet, you might want to look into one soon. I have Brutus, and Luna has her megaphone, and Platinum had her scepter. It doesn't have to be just one weapon, either. It could be a bag of marbles, for instance.

Remember: it's not the size, shape, or number, but how you use it that makes it work for you.

Anyway, congratulations once again on winning the hosting honors, and I'll see you soon when the games kick off in grand splendor.

Love,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Do me a small favor and plant a whoopee cushion on Luna's chair the day of the games. She got me with a bucket of ice water--on my throne, no less--and I think this will even the score.

Comments

[Lady GryphonInia]

Excellent! Keep em comin!

[Leoshi]

Ahh, prank wars.

[MidnightFMare]

My stress relief tool?

My duel disk

I slap that on and I feel the rage turn to excitement, the very power of the spirits flowing through me

My breath catches in my throat as excitement comes over me, my wings shiver, trying to stay at my sides

A wild grin forms on my lips

I am the very image of power

Then I draw, and the space around me turns to pure energy, radiating off that one, swift movement

Then Luna says for me to stop sending monsters to wreck the city because I'm pissed

[MythrilMoth]

Ehhh...to be fair to Twilight and friends, what happened isn't entirely their fault. They weren't given any description of the games inspector beyond a description of her luggage. If they'd even just gotten "basically looks like a really bitchy Applejack", that would never have happened.

[dawn seeker]

Also, if you haven't acquired a stress-releasing weapon yet, you might want to look into one soon. I have Brutus, and Luna has her megaphone, and Platinum had her scepter. It doesn't have to be just one weapon, either. It could be a bag of marbles, for instance.

HURRAY FOR CONTINUITY!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, when you all have to go on to find a pony is a description of her luggage, accidents will happen.

[Tired Old Man]

5823216

Or they could have just asked the question, "Are you the inspector?" instead of assuming they are just because they stood in proximity to floral print luggage. Or hold up a sign welcoming the inspector--Pinkie can get one done in like three minutes. But no, they jumped to conclusions again instead of thinking, as per usual.

[TimeLord11]

"How those six accomplish anything with how inattentive they are to detail is beyond my comprehension."

Beyond mine too

[Dapper Guy]

How about a sack of oranges, Cadence?

[BlueYoshi]

Also, if you haven't acquired a stress-releasing weapon yet, you might want to look into one soon. I have Brutus, and Luna has her megaphone, and Platinum had her scepter. It doesn't have to be just one weapon, either. It could be a bag of marbles, for instance.

Continuity FTW.

[user123]

Oh crap, celestia went without her weapon for an millennium.

[user123]

5823495
why? So she can throw them back at ponies? As when life gives you lemons, you throw them back.

[dustinxman]

What are your plans for release schedule once you catch up to the show?

[Tired Old Man]

5823656

I've yet to decide on what to do once I reach that point. I could either spin a tale once season 5 is done and divulge from canon, or just let it slip into hiatus with occassional updates while I work on other stories like Bar Hoppers. Either way, I won't run out of stuff to do for this.

[MythrilMoth]

5823260 Point.

[Konami]

5823636 "I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?"

Well TOM, I guess I'm finally caught up again and it's probably time to say that I absolutely adore this story! I don't really know if there's much to say that hasn't already been said, but I will try and one-up The Fallen Prime: I don't keep it open in another tab, I've actually followed it, but this is to date the only story that I've ever actually remembered that I followed and have continued coming back to check on.
I look forward to more, keep it up and thank you!

[Pinklestia]

Ah yes, one of the episodes that showed that ponies are morons.

[Cobalt Shock]

5824595 "Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought is could give me lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”
I'm sorry.
Obligatory completion of Combustible Lemons speech is obligatory.

[musicluvr1974]

5982405 And why I hear that thing in J. Jonah Jameson's voice, I don't know...!

[Boulder]

Stress relief dealing with idiot nobles? That's easy, nothing drastic just start folding paper planes (specifically from their proposals) and throw em at the nobles. Total distraction while they're thinking 'Is he/she snubbing me?' or 'Has he/she gone mad?' Make sure you make the 'wheeee' noises too.

[Meylin Messor]

Oh dear god.... luna's weapon of choice... A fucking Megaphone + the Royal Caps Lock? ( Royal Canterlot Voice )