Pinkamena Demon Pie,
A round of congratulations are in order. First, extend it to Mr. and Mrs. Cake for producing two children. Extend it again toward Mrs. Cake for her incredible tolerance for every "bun in the oven" joke she's no doubt heard throughout her pregnancy. You and I both know she's heard that too often.
Second, congratulations on learning the same lesson Fluttershy learned a while ago, only with more mature wording. This is shocking given your predisposed tendency to make everyone around you slightly nuttier within a twenty yard radius, and that includes babies. Given how much you know, I'm more shocked there was anything for you to even learn at all, because you have more people skills than anypony in town.
Third, congratulations on Pinkism finally taking some roots here in Canterlot. One of your devout believers came by with pink pamphlets detailing the wonders and enjoyments of living under an almighty watchful eye that, curiously, was yours. I'm looking at it right now, and it's really creepy. Do you know that? This thing will spook ponies, and probably a cockatrice.
I-I think it just moved. It followed me for a second. That's... this is going in the trash. Thanks, but no thanks. Pinkie Promises are as far as I'll go with you, but this is too much.
Anyway, I think I'll just close this letter before--
O-Oh! Hi Pinkie! You... you're in my trash bin. That's new. Super creepy, but new.
No, I didn't scare your follower. What are you talking about?
Oh please, it could have been any larger-than-average white horse with a flowing colorful mane. There's maybe three or four others with that physical description I've seen today on my way to Cuppa's!
Okay, I'll give you that Alicorn is really specific, but we have plenty of actors here in Canterlot, and they have replica horns and wings! It could be one of them!
I expect you to believe what you will. But I Pinkie Promise that I did not spook your follower out of town.
Good, glad that's settled. Wait WAIT, you forgot--
Oh well, you'll get this letter anyway.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Oh, there you are Lu--you spilled the flour again, didn't you? Don't lie. You're covered head to hoof in... the... stuff...
Sister, you didn't happen to spook anypony in town today, did you? Perhaps a pony waving around... pamphlets?
Luna, lock your doors tonight. LOCK. THEM. ALL.
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The Pink One Cometh
Pray for forgiveness.
5685053 Pinkie Fthgn!
Pinkthulhu
At least when her door-to-door proselytizers come around, they bring treats.
5685164 Nah that sounds bad... Better use a different Old One's name Let's see... Ide-pie. Yes that works. Alhazred has spoken.
5681520 I don't get the reference, sorry
It won't save you from her...
5685053 The Pink One giveth, the Pink One taketh.
5685305 Highlander was a franchise about people who were born immortal, I believe.
5685707 oh, I'll have to check that out
5685779 Just... just don't watch the second one. Trust me.
Someone doesn't know about Highlander? Celestia I feel old.
Do gain the Pink Queen's attention, Luna.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Pinkie Ponyvlle wgah'nagl fhtagn!
In her house in Ponyville, Pinkie lies waiting...
Pinkamena Demon Pie? That's intentional, was it? After all, Celestia is scared of Pinkie.
5686693
imagine Necromorph porn.
imagine it...
5687197 Pfft! Been there, fapped to that.
5687999
I bet you do...fricken fappin to the necromorphs that take over the host...
5688021 With as much time as I spend on the internet, I have seen much worse things than necromorph porn.
Wow, that is a sentence I never thought I would say.
5688142
And that is a sentence I thought I'd never read.
That'll learn me to stay away from the comments section this late.
5688142
I know the feeling.
5685071
Pinkie Pie is the thing that scares cosmic horrors enough that they descend into the mortal plane.
I can now imagine Pinkie having tea with Cthulu on Wednesdays.
5688142 Curse my overactive imagination! Thinking of what could possibly be worse than that is probably going to give me nightmares for weeks!
I used to like Pinkie...
I can only imagine what Pinkism followers do...
Their rituals are probably like the pink elephants on parade, but with ponies, sacrifices, and lots of chanting Pinkie's name.
But I can see why they'd want to workship Pinkie, or She-Who-Bends-The-World-To-Her-Pinkness.
Maybe I should join!
5685843
Highlander Movies? THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
5693100
Or she is the thing, that scares Cosmic Horrors, so they just don't drop by in Equestria...
She's a moving Elder Sign.
But I believe Celestia would gladly deal with Deep Ones, Mi-Go and Nyarlothotep than Pinkie at this point.
5687197
Which Necromorph? It gets more or less disturbingly disgusting depending on which one you're picturing.
Luna vs Pinkie? Everypony loses!
5688142 You don't get around much, do you? There are much, much worse things than Necromorph porn. Off the top of my head I have to say bloated fat porn is worse, or whatever it is called. They inflate characters to the size of houses and do strange things to the body. And even then, there is worse. Much, much worse.
5688142 ...The sad part is, that is way too true. I need to rethink my life... (Sits in a corner and cries internally)
Wow. We've faced down genocidal maniacs and a fell dragon the size of downtown Phoenix, and that's what brings you down?
Unfortunately, he's right. Man, wtf happened to the internet?
Lock all the doors? Sounds like part of street cleaning day (and quite a few other days) in Night Vale.
Assuming Equestria is a matriarchal society, I'm certain the stallion who weds Pinkie and takes the name of Pie will be constantly ribbed about 'eating her pie'. Of course, the joke will only be made once before Pinkamena Diane Responsibility Danger Demon Pie haunts them.
Luna has discovered 'flour' power? Don't worry she's prepared for Pinkie.
oi46.tinypic.com/2cwlrtx.jpg
Why don't the monsters of the Everfree attack Ponyville?
Because Pinkie is there.
7448725
To quote a movie: You’re going to need a bigger gun, mate.