Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Bridle Curiosity, Bad Gossip

Twilight Sparkle,

You jumped to conclusions again, didn't you? How many times do I have to explain to you the necessity to assess a situation from EVERY angle?

By the sound of things, you got wrapped into the words of your "friends" and thought somepony, who may/may not be the zebrican botanist I mentioned in the last letter, was a horrid hexer who intended on cooking up some Apple Bloom stew.

Either that's referring to... what's the orange one's name? Applesack's little sister--who's cute as a button, that girl--or you mean the sweet stew with the flowerbuds and candied yams. That stuff is to die for, and I could just eat it right now.

The stew, I mean. Not Apple Bloom. DO NOT CONFUSE THIS.

But I'm honestly surprised that you, the resident bookworm, would fail in realizing the ludicrosity of their claims. You fact-checked me on every single statement I made while you stayed in my castle, but the second you leave you get caught up in the rumors and hearsay of your friends/acquaintances? I'd almost call this implausible if I didn't remember that it was you.

Zecora sent me a letter about this incident as I was writing this, you know. Yes, I know her from a... recreational event I go to once every month. Yes, the same one I said you couldn't come along for when you asked.

You still can't come. You're not mature enough to handle hot cocoa, let alone tea.

If anything's been proven today, it's that you can't pull your head out of your arse because you think you see a gold nugget at the end of your colon. I will tell you this, Twilight: I too have seen the nugget, and I found out the hard way it's fool's gold.

Please do not disappoint me again, Twilight.

Love,

Princess Celestia

P.S.

When you have time, let Zecora know I'll be bringing Royal Blend 64 for this month's meeting, and please tell her to bring Stripes and Stars.

No Luna, you already see enough stars as is. You can't come.

Just drink more of Joe's coffee then! You already order that everyday!

Nope, I'm not looking at that pouting, puppydog face of yours. You're not going, and that's fi--

Comments

[garfan]

This one's mean. Twilight got mixed up because of the Poison Joke which she was unfamiliar with

[food food food]

Oh my God, this is an excellent story. I always wondered what Celestia would say if she could write back.

[ChibiChabot]

Spot on as typical. Thanks for the excellent output!

[Tired Old Man]

5568324

"She had a book that perfectly explained what Poison Joke was, and didn't read it. That should tell you everything you need to know about how much attention she pays to detail.

And yet she'll question me after reading just one section in a history book like I don't know when I banished my sister. Isn't she consistent?" ~Celestia

[user123]

Error 404: chapter not found.
haha, no one can resist the Lulu puppydog face.

[howard035]

I feel like the parts with Luna are what really make this stand out. If Celestia was just constantly rude to everyone it would wear thin and just be "Letters From a Jerk Princess," but the contrast with Luna (where she tries to stern and irritated, but usually gives in to her beloved younger sister) continually reinforce that Celestia's just irritated with Twilight not thinking things through, she's not constantly bullying Twilight for no reason.

[WorldSmith]

I will tell you this, Twilight: I too have seen the nugget,

So glad that no one is in the office right now so I dont have to explain why I'm laughing so hard right now.

[Alex Warlorn]

We've seen since then that Zecora might now be a pointed hat, warts on her facing, rides a broom witch, but I'd say witch-doctor fits her perfectly.

[kooarbiter]

that anal-ogy was lovely

[TerranceJet]

I was looking for the word count, but I couldn't find it. I mean, it might be an error on my part, but geez.

[TheArchive]

Honestly, they had a very good reason for fearing Zecora. Were they wrong in the end? Obviously, but look at it from their perspective: this unknown zebra lives in the Everfree Forest (which is pretty much a Lovecraftian horror for them), leaves once a month (I think that was the time she left?) wearing an ominous cloak with glowing yellow eyes (for, uh, some reason), does a seemingly completely random act (dig a hole), and then leaves without a word. Honestly, the only part of that which would have been necessary was the fact that she actually lives in the forest (you know, where all those horribly dangerous creatures live?), but everything else just adds on to it.

Twilight was being extremely generous to give her the benefit of the doubt at first, but you have to consider the fact that what caused her to flip was seeing Apple Bloom missing and then all of those weird things happen to her and her friends (especially since this was after Zecora's very vague and ominous warning the night before). Seriously, the ponies get way too much flak for this episode in fanfiction. It's incredibly apparent that it remains true for this story since Celestia gives her all of that crap and not once does Twilight get the chance to defend herself. Seriously, that really irritates me. I guess Celestia is too stupid in this story to consider things like, you know, context.

[VunderGuy]

5626434

That... that was beautiful man. Well done.

[Tired Old Man]

5626434

"Twilight doesn't give me context on anything for her friendship reports. Questions after reading a book? I'll get an essay's worth of words from her for that, but not the same for how she learned a friendship lesson.

The only reason I even know what she learned was about Zecora in the first place was because Zecora told me in her letter that Twilight and her friends barged into her home and trashed the place over a grave misunderstanding of soup and curse rumors. That's all the context I had for this response.

I am happy that Twilight was at least skeptical of things initially. But she still made erroneous correlations based upon circumstantial evidence that led her to false conclusions, and that's what I'm reaming her for. And not reading a book.

I'm still baffled she didn't read a book."

~Celestia

[ZealousChristian24]

5626434 Also, because a lot of people seem to not get this, they weren't be racist; from their comments, they appear to have believed her to be a heavily tattooed Earth Pony.

[aceotaku]

I dolike this series mroe than a certain other story (letters from a disgrunted student) because this one doesn't go out of its way to make everyone a jerk. even celestia here is not so much a jerkass as merely at the end of ehr patience after dealing with a lot of crap. Plus it seems to be the only way for twilight to learn is to be blunt with ehr.

[TrackingTarget]

5638917
I had the same problem. I still thought it was kind of funny when it lined up with the actual series, so you could basically just visualize the episode as being the same except for Twilight's internal monologue. But then every single character turned out to be a socio-paths that hate each other (and everyone else).

[Dragonin]

I am reading this in Borous' voice, from Fallout New Vegas...
Talking to a lobotomite

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dear Princess Celestia:

...You named that book Super Naturals just to throw me off, didn't you?

Your angry student, Twilight Sparkle.

[diealein]

5568356 what? you do know this is celestia writing right?

[ChronoMitsurugi]

5737573
...
...your serious. Of course they know. Food food food is saying that they always want to see THIS. Celestia's side of the story.

[Pinklestia]

Luna is best pony!

[______1]

5749919
img.pandawhale.com/93804-Key-and-Peele-thank-you-gif-Im-akK1.gif

5737573
s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2015-01/19/6/enhanced/webdr07/anigif_enhanced-buzz-29312-1421665570-9.gif

[Misty Spell]

"That stuff is to die for, and I could just eat it right now.
The stew, I mean. Not Apple Bloom. DO NOT CONFUSE THIS."

Haha! Cannibalism!

[Lucky Star 33094]

The stew, I mean. Not Apple Bloom. DO NOT CONFUSE THIS.

At first I thought this was the best line in the chapter, and then I saw this.

If anything's been proven today, it's that you can't pull your head out of your arse because you think you see a gold nugget at the end of your colon. I will tell you this, Twilight: I too have seen the nugget, and I found out the hard way it's fool's gold.

That is so awsome~!

[GordonFreebrony]

Does she have a ladies "high tea?"

[Bojack H]

That fireproof ink must not be nearly as fireproof as she thinks it is, either that or twilight's psyche has been crushed so badly that she only sees the good happy parts of the letters

[Phantom Shadow King]

Twilight's response,

Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm not allowed to have hot cocoa or tea eh? Well then be sure to open the gift I sent you and I am old enough for tea.

Celestia is hesitant about the gift Twilight sent and asked Luna to open it. An orb of magic with poison joke in them emerged and tackled Celestia. Celestia then became colorswapped and had a chipmunk high voice.

[Paxwing]

7163383 What good happy parts?