Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Hearthbreaking Moments Aren't Always Set in Stone

Dear Granny Smith,

A Pairing Stone. You want to get a Pairing Stone?

Granny, I didn't know you still had that romantic interest in you! I mean, not that that's a bad thing--it's fantastic--but do you really need a stone for that? Granted, I know that's worked out for Pinkie's family, and a Pairing Stone is never wrong, which is a much better rate than, say, a sorting hat.

I mean it. Pairing Stones are never, ever wrong. They will flat out tell you if you are meant for somepony for life, and if it won't last, they'll even tell you how long it will go down to the centisecond. Once I heard one say that a relationship was going to last for ten point forty three seconds, and ten point forty three seconds later, the prospective stallion's wife stormed in on them in a maelstrom of rage and mane hair.

Or I could be confusing that with this latest issue of Power Ponies. Either way, that imagery isn't too far off the mark.

Anyway, if you're absolutely sure you want one, I can put in a request for it. They're uncommon for sure, but not impossible to find. You'll get it within a week from your reply.

Oh, and you'll only need one stone for the family, just in case Applehack and Big Mac need it for any of their romantic pursuits. Although from this little letter you wrote about those looks your grandson gave Marble, I wonder if he would even want to use that stone. It is a dedicated relationship spoiler, after all...

Oh well, it's not my place to think about such choices. This is your stone, after all--discretion would fall upon you on how you will use it. Do let me know if you want a Pairing Stone; otherwise, I'll see you at Rainbow Falls in a few weeks.

And don't forget to pack sunscreen this time. It wouldn't behoove us to terrify the lounge ponies with another Apple Raisin incident.

Friends Forever,

Princess Celestia

Oh, hello Sunny. And is that an eight-layer cake on that cart?

Wow, you've really improved on your baking finesse ever since the Moon Pies! So are we going to eat it, or--

You... want to... marry it? A cake? I can't even... what?

You want to marry it because you love it that much? T-That's not what the expression means! It's--wait, where are you going?

Don't! That phrase was sarcasm! You hear me?! SARCASM!

...she doesn't even know what sarcasm means. This... will be something to hear about in the tabloids tomorrow, I know it.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

The new prince consort went on the bring about a golden age. Or at least one high in Twinkies.

[BlueYoshi]

Although from this little letter you wrote about those looks your grandson gave Marble, I wonder if he would even want to use that stone. It is a dedicated relationship spoiler, after all...

I love the little MarbleMac shipping you put right there. They both look pretty cute as a couple.

orig05.deviantart.net/1d91/f/2015/298/7/b/marble_mac_by_tiredbrony-d9eaq0j.gif

Source is here if you want to know who made the animation.

[Cracked Egg]

6570114

I CAN'T LIKE THIS ANY FURTHER.

WHY???

[blazikenking]

I want to read the tabloids covering Sunny and the cake prince.

[Hillbe]

Dear TWILIGHT SPARKLE !
(Yes I used your full name and Canterlot CAPS'
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND again?
You gave a growing dragon a book? A simple book? I hope it was a hard cover of 'The best of Equestrian Geographic' with the pictures!

Spike is a growing 'boy' and he has an element of surprise waiting for him with that fashion mare he's been seeing.

Don't think I don't know ( breakfast with Luna ) but growing dragons need an outlet for all those hormones !

Or he'll find an inlet for all his hormones! You better get your mama game face on or your little assistant will add to the work load.

maybe a visit to the doctors is in order? your call. nip it in the bud or waaa waaa later. . .

Sun Butt......

img05.deviantart.net/fc3e/i/2015/248/d/c/fin_by_hillbe-d98jwoz.jpg

[Ri2]

6570280 Oh, don't worry. She neutered Spike ages ago. Never be a problem.

[akajulester]

Why do people ship Marble and Mac? The only trait we were given is that she is shy, and she's younger than Pinkie, and we literally know nothing else than those two trivia. It sends a bad message (that you should blindly fall in love upon first glance). If it was a one-sided crush on Marble's side, then it would be cute, but they literally just met each other, and real love at first sight does not exist.

[Seether00]

I honeymoon is going to be really messy. Icing everywhere.

[Hillbe]

6570350

img06.deviantart.net/b0ec/i/2015/268/2/2/at_the_beach_by_hillbe-d9aua2g.jpg

[Briarpelt]

The Sorting Hat only got something wrong ONCE in ALL of recorded Hogwarts history. So... yeah, the pairing stone's better, but not by much. Actually, I don't know for sure, since I've never personally experienced the decisions of either... *sigh* when will my Hogwarts letter come? I've almost given up and accepted being a Muggle! ...Am I just a Muggle?

[Vinyl Destination]

6570365

It was body language between them that made people think that. The moment they met each other they were blushing hard and looking really nervous trying not to make eye contact. even after that first meeting They would keep blushing whenever they got closer to each other and smiled whenever they made eye contact. by the end of the episode they where inching closer to each other but got interrupted and acted really embarrassed like they were both thinking something. They both don't really talk so we don't know 100% what they were thinking but it both looked like a legitimate crush, and it was perfect fuel for a ship.

[Tired Old Man]

6570365

Ships have been built on less than that that have sailed. Like all the OctaVinyl shipfics prior to Slice of Life.

[Vindicar]

6570365
I think it's a reincarnated FlutterMac ship.

[fractalman]

6570378 Dat crab

[JediWaffles]

Apple raisin. Because she wasn't wrinkled enough already. Also: Ew.

[Hillbe]

6570743 not as big as the ones before

[Moonlit Path]

Dear Applejack,
Marble Pie decided to go from rock farming to Apple farming. Can you pretty please with a chimicherrychanga on top, try to keep a eye on her while I keep Limestone pie from becoming a second more evilier but lest spooky shadowy version of Sombre? Also why is Big Mac ordering the gem cupcakes I bake for Spike? It's super duper weird unless there is a party for him or something. But if there was a party for him wouldn't I know? I'm sure it's nothing.
Pinkie Pie

[AyanamiRei]

6570437 It's okay to be a Muggle! After all, you can kill WAY more people with a single hit of Science, than those silly Harry Potter Wizards can with their magic!

Then when you get into Super Science, you can do things like create Stable Black Holes, which can destroy planets and more! <3

[akajulester]

6570470
6570480
6570658

Let me make it very clear why I do not like MarbleMac. This relationship, if real, could potentially be unhealthy/unstable, and even offensive, if CheeriMac is canon in the show. Why is it unhealthy?

Well, for one, it is a crush, and psychology has proven that if a crush lasts less than 6-4 months (I forgot the exact amount of months), it is not real love. These two literally just met each other for the first time, and since I doubt that they will see each other regularly (hell, the Pie Family might not even want to travel all the way out to Ponyville for a Family Reunion they might not even be related to).

Another one is that Marble is so shy and introverted that she literally has let Pinkie speak for her, regardless of what she might actually think (it is never told when she started speaking for her, though). I doubt that a relationship where one of the lovers never, ever talks except for a nervous "mmhmm" would work out that well.

"But she could get more comfortable!" *shoves Fluttershy at you*

Flutters has definitely gotten better from how she was in Season 1, back when she was too shy to tell her friends she was uncomfortable with something, or even get their attention on the first try! And Flutters actually was better than Marble in the pilot! Marble literally has never spoken, whereas Flutters would (she just needed a little incentive, that wasn't even given on purpose. She did it of her own accord). I doubt that someone who let her sister speak for her would start getting comfortable around a crush that easily.

Also, seeing as how the two times Pinkie shoved Marble into Mac Marble looked uncomfortable before blushing, this could also be like a little girl crushing on an older guy. We just are not given enough information. You could also make an argument that Mac thinks it's cute, but does not harbor real feelings, but once again, not enough info.

Finally, about my CheeriMac comment. I definitely do not ship them either, as I see no real common interests, and I hate Cheerilee. However, if this ship was made canon in the show, every single scene of MarbleMac in this episode would be offensive (also I would break down into screaming). Y'know why? Adultery! A real issue in our day that definitely should not be shown as okay to kids!

[Vinyl Destination]

6571608
Jeez more like "A letter from an irritated Commenter" don't you think you are taking this a bit too seriously? I get it if you a a bit cynical or don't like shipping but let other people have some joy. Also Studies aren't even 100% accurate, it's an average more than anything. There are also plenty of studies as well as a bit of common sense, that the innocent infatuation with someone can often form over time into a true love. It always starts with a crush, a twinge of love or attraction before any sort of relationship starts. To add on to that just like Big Mac I'm fairly certain she doesn't just say one thing all the time. People like her and Big Mac talk in greater length when they need to not just out of the sake of it. They both clearly talk to their families normally. As Mac's family understands him and the way he thinks and we've seen him talk in paragraphs before. Pretty sure Marble is the same for similar reasons.

[Dinode]

6571608 On the one hand, I can totally understand you not liking MarbleMac. Marble does, unfortunately, have less characterization than Flash Sentry, and there are plenty of mares closer to his home for you to ship him with. That said, I do take issue with some of the arguments you used.

First of all, I have a hard time understanding how you measure crushes or "real love" objectively enough to be able to make a study. Even if you define it as getting married, plenty of people get hitched in less time than that, my own parents included. Even if it doesn't go anywhere in the long run, how does that make it wrong? People, and presumably ponies, are allowed to have crushes prior to becoming engaged to another person.

Which leads to my second concern. Why would Big Mac crushing on Marble be such a big deal when he doesn't have a special somepony yet? It's only adultery if one or both of the partners is already married, and even cheating requires a girlfriend first. Rarity has had crushes (which apparently don't even begin to describe her feelings), do you think that this will somehow be offensive when she does find (or recognize) The One? Besides, would the same be true in reverse if he did eventually marry Marble? Would his hypnotized date with Cheerilee be cheating then and offensive? If people can make fan fics where Twi gets over Flash Sentry and starts dating somepony else then this is nothing comparatively.

Oh, and as for them not spending much time together, they did work together on the scavenger hunt. We didn't see them speak much, true, but it's not like we watch them the whole time. Besides, perhaps they're really good at getting meaning from eeyups and mhmms.

Ultimately, I think people are latching onto this (myself included) because it's one of the more plausible ships and has onscreen justification. It's sorta like how people renewed DisLestia shipping at the end of season 4, even when the writers said they were meant to represent friendship, or Filli Vanilli renewed FlutterMac. Don't get me wrong, I kinda like MarbleMac, but I'm self aware enough to know that they could very well just become friends and get married to other ponies some day. In the meantime though, I'm content to ride my high!

[DualKitsune]

6570766 Oh no...the whole premise was pretty shoddy. Also without knowing more about the ecology of Equestria it is hard to say what is what. However, I can''t continue this convo without asking what you mean by "fridge failure" and who is doing the explosive breeding?
If it's that bats, I can't say that the show showed much of that. Unless you are implying that the abundance of apple trees would lead to even more bats? In that case, I would agree.
Honestly, though, they shot themselves in the foot trying to use this specific example for the lesson they wished to teach. Ecological problems are always complicated and would involve more work than what they showed. My point ( though I strayed a bit and made a few more) was that the bats could not be viewed as parasites, as they are not, in any way, such. After all, bith the apple tree and the bats benefit. It's the third party, the farmer who suffered from something perfectly natural. After all, trees actually need their fruit to be eaten/sucked/otherwise used so that their seeds will spread.

[SilentMech]

6570114 Until he was assassinated by a certain noble mistaking him for a common cake. No news has been released as too when we will see Blueblood alive again, but sources inform us it will be slightly before the heat death of the universe.

[akajulester]

6572021 On your Cheerilee comment: I don't consider CheeriMac cannon. I said IF it was cannon, MarbleMac could be offensive.

Also, about the crushes: it is true, adults can fall in love quickly, but I believe that it is mainly because they are (usually) much more mature than teenagers and children. If the Mane 6 are around 16-17, and Marble is only a few minutes younger than Pinkie, it falls in the crush category. Mac could be anywhere in his early-late twenties, and combined with the fact that he has been shown to lecture misbehaving children (the CMC) and that beautiful scene in Brotherhooves Social, he is obviously much more mature.

This is just a generalization, though. There are mature children (for their age, at least), and immature adults.

[akajulester]

6571836 I'm not irritated, I'm a realist.

They both clearly talk to their families normally. As Mac's family understands him and the way he thinks and we've seen him talk in paragraphs before. Pretty sure Marble is the same for similar reasons.

Definitely clearly for Mac, but unknown for Marble. You forget that she was just introduced, we do not know when Pinkie started speaking for her, and since we have not seen the Pie Family together by themselves long enough for Marble to get a line, the realistic assumption is that Marble just does not talk (Mac actually does not talk that much around his family either, now that I think about it).

For all we know, she could be completely mute, except for "mmhmm." There just really is not enough information to support either side (once again, that blushing thing at the end could be anything; Example: in Mean Girls, Gretchen teases Kady by saying she likes that Kevin kid on the Mathletes team - which Kady obviously does not - and blushes because of it).

EDIT: Something that I just remembered is Pinkie Apple Pie: the episode which brought up that the Pies and Apples might be related. I assume that since Pinkie said "Hiya cuz!" that she and AJ are first cousins, but I forgot if they ever said exactly how they could be related. If they are first cousins, MarbleMac is officially very, very weird.

6570480

Eh, I do not really care about background ships, as they are, y'know, background characters? I only ship VinylTavia and LyraBon because Slice of Life aired. Vinyl and Octavia share a house (which, yes, could be because they are friends), but the fact that they have such clashing personalities and can live in relative harmony together kinda suggests that there may be something more. As for LyraBon, those two scenes practically bashed us in the head with the fact that they are lovers (the forced "friends" lines sounded like the writers trying not to piss off homophobes).

[kooarbiter]

6570124

I'm surprised no one has written a marblemac fic where cherile loses her singing voice

[Dinode]

6573805 It would only be offensive if something like this happened after he started dating Cheerilee. If he dates her later, this wouldn't become retroactively a problem.

Age though, that's a much more legitimate concern. I sometimes forget that not everyone pictures them as adults like I do, although given that Rarity has expressed an interest in marriage and doesn't seem that far removed from Pinkie in age I find it unlikely that they are below the legal age. Still, if that's your head canon I can see this being a bit of a problem.

Oh, and as for their relation that you asked about in the next post, she said they were "fourth cousin twice removed by a fifth cousin". Not quite sure what that means, but here's a demonstration of a fourth cousin twice removed:
i.imgur.com/pyh51PB.jpg
Add in whatever "by a fifth cousin" means, and they are quite clearly too far distant for it to be incest by any stretch of the definition.

Oh, and I didn't draw this, I found it in a comment on Equestria Daily.

[akajulester]

6575317 By "if CheeriMac is canon" I mean that they have been dating since the events of Hearts and Hooves Day (which I would find extremely weird, seeing as how they were love poisoned and seemed to merely be acquaintances). My apologies for not being clear enough.

A side note to the age thing: my headcannon for coming of age in Equestria is that our world's 18 is their world's 16 (but it ultimately depends on the age of the Mane 6). Seeing as how Twilight was 14-18 in the EQG movies (but that world could also be happening at a different time), this seems the most likely case. According to Digi Brony's video, Fluttershy is the oldest and Pinkie is the youngest, and he also puts them around 15-17 years old (though he regularly states that he could be wrong). Seeing as how Flutters is a year older than Pinkie, the latter could be 15 or 16 (hell, maybe even 14), and there is the fact that she lives with the Cakes, whereas everypony else pretty much lives on her own (AJ being the obvious exception).

In the flashback of AJ's cutie mark story, she could be around 8-10. Seeing as how Big Mac looked taller than AJ even then, and that he is at least a few years older than her(maybe about 10-14?), he could've been in his early teens back then. If 5-7 years have passed since then, he could be anywhere from 18-21.

[Tennis Match Fan]

6575317 Is this chart accurate? camo.derpicdn.net/eb685a50b6ea725bba4367ec157836e0e057950f?url=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F5qNitjN.png

[Dinode]

6583727 No idea. Looks kinda cool if nothing else.

[Tennis Match Fan]

6586051 Okie dokie!

[Midna Diane Pie]

6570437 Wait, when did it fail?

[ShadowLDrago]

6570437

Look at it this way. There's only one Killing Curse, while there are PLENTY of ways to kill people either WITH Science or FOR Science. Or both.

[Briarpelt]

6615310 Snape.
I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't say more than that.

[Kage no Brony]

6709220

So what you're saying is, wizards get the cool toys, but muggles get the useful ones?

I like you.