Flim-Flam Employee Suggestion Form
First Name: Celestia
Last Name (leave blank if single name):
Occupation: Princess, Barn Brand Conveyor Line Worker
Supervisor: Princess Luna, Barn Brand Team Leader
Are Flim and Flam the greatest entrepreneurs ever? If “Yes,” what are you doing writing on this form? Get back to work!
If “No,” then by all means, please tell us all about how your idea could possibly help improve our global marketing monopoly any further. We sincerely doubt this, but do give it your best shot.
Your answer: No.
Flim and Flam,
I’ve had it with this hideous arrangement of yours. I thought I was doing my ponies a service by lowering myself to their level, to prove that a Princess can last under your grueling work conditions.
I can see now how terrible a mistake that was.
I should have known it was a terrible sign when I was told I’d have to work my way up the corporate ladder if I even so much as wanted to sniff the position of regional manager. Apparently, thousands of years of experience running an entire nation wasn’t applicable because it wasn’t experience earned under a Flim-Flam owned company, so I had to start off as a conveyor line worker. With a policy like that, I honestly wonder how you hired for those positions in the first place, but no matter. I proudly took my place on the line.
It was, and still is, the worst position in the history of my life living here in Canterlot.
In the process of making a Flim-Flam Barn Brand Bran Bar, you waste so much bran making a single bar that I come to my castle leaving a feed trail from the factory all the way to my bedroom. Despite the use of hairbands to keep my mane and tail away from the machinery, both of those catch and store enough unused bran after my shift is over for me to make two dozen bran muffins when I get home. That’s how much bran circulates around your factory--and yes, the ScootAir air conditioners are fully functioning. They’re still terrible at doing the one thing they should be doing right.
And then there are your Presidents! I know not what particular brand of Apple Blooming Cider you drank to dream up the notion that children are fully capable of such a position, nor do I condone the use of candy pay raises in the face of hideous dental benefits that barely pay for our toothbrushes. Oh sure, the children are all for it, but adult ponies can’t live off of Barn Brand Bran Bars and bags of figurative (sometimes literal) sugar.
As for the Sweetie Chic uniform I was required to wear? The seamwork was so poor I’ve had to get it repaired at least fifteen times in these past few months. And I swear each repair is specifically done so the uniform would last for hardly two weeks before breaking in the same area again: my flank.
These travesties upon the good ponies will not stand, Flim and Flam. I cannot in good conscience allow such cheapness to persist, but per our agreement of staying like this for a full year, the most I’m allowed to do at this time is write this formal complaint addressing some of the more dubious standards and policies. But when that year expires, I hope you have a mid-size army of lawyers to defend your sleazy decisions and wanton destruction of the land to clear the way for that new, massive strip mall in the valley.
Best regards,
Princess Celestia
Hello Luna. Let me guess, you want to talk about the bran in my hair, right?
What? Luna, I am NOT selling out like that! Making princess bran muffins is unethical, not to mention questionably edible!
Yes, I know the bars are already questionable since they also taste like tree bark, but at least they're sanitary! They'd be eating my HAIR if they ate my muffins! Does that not mean anything to you?
I don't care if you've repurposed your hair into children's wallpaper! I have standards to maintain!
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This was definitely one of your funniest letters
6729190
I needed to make up for that gag-worthy letter I put up a few days ago. I even took an extra day to make sure this was SO much better than that... thing.
I sincerely hope it was worth the wait.
Ooh, muffins! (eats one) Why does it taste so weird?
Oh no....
6729348
Very much so. Thank you for writing it.
So we have ScootAir air conditioners, Apple Blooming Cider, and a Sweetie Chic uniform. How...... lovely....
6729348 Of course it's worth it.
Forget the Flimflam brothers, I want to know what Celestia was drinking to agree to this in the first place!
6729788
"An entire case of Apple Blooming Cider.
I don't regret the cider--I regret my decisions after drinking it."
Oh, ****. This is an absolute disaster, perhaps worse than any of the other realities so far (as indicated by Twilight's words). I wonder what sort of situation dear Sunbutt was in to ever agree to this. I only hope she and Luna can put it right as soon as the contracted year is over.
I Would like to know whether 'Tia and lulu will remember the other time lines and conclude the original was the best and twilight and friends are integral despite all the quote unquote issues.
Well, that explains why Celestia herself didn't stop flim and flam in that loop.
Now onto the Ashlands...
Oh very.
You know after reading this fic so far I am surprised twilight hasn't ended her life to stop being a burden on Celestia, maybe a suicide letter to celestia as an a side story bad end kinda thing?
Good chap, that only leaves the last one, arguably the worst of them all..... the wasteland.
6731445 pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw6117_medium.jpg
Where did that come from? Like seriously, how is she a burden?
-Sanity is overrated
6735003 well I know it isn't true but the way that each letter Celestia sends is derisive and insulting with few rare praises and she always mentions how what twilight says or does makes things harder for her. I know from personal experience what this kind of thing does to a person and it's not pretty the individual most times ends up suicidal, especially when the person saying it is someone that person admires/has respect for/ or loves. tell a person something enough times they begin to believe it themselves. So I was thinking of having an alternate timeline where Twilight falls prey to this and kills herself but her final letter is an apology/suicide note.
6735080 I do believe it wasn't the author's intent to make it have such a dark undertone, but rather a comedic and lighthearted one. Still, it's an interesting thought to be sure, even if it's rather dark.
-Sanity is overrated
6735105 comedy and tragedy are opposites of the same coin. I never meant for it to be in this fic but as a one shot side story.
I love the idea of the Flim Flam brothers teaming up with the CMC. I wonder if Flim or Flam tried to convince Apple Bloom one of them is secretly her father (look at the three of them, you can see it).
Eat her hair if I eat her muffin....OK then!
This chapter reminds me of you work conditions that I work in at a warehouse. Half of the fans don't work, poor management, and don't even get me started on the equality of the equipment that they give you. The stuff is cheap and their safety box cutters aren't even that safe I cut my finger open as have the scar to prove it. so long story short I really hate the job benefits I get transportation to and from work