Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Everything the Light Touches...

Dear Discord,

I write this to you in the hopes of enlisting your aid, for a dark force has escaped the confines of Tartarus that we believe you are the only one capable of hunting down and capturing in a timely and appropriate manner.

Tirek has finally made his move. Or, rather, we're just now aware he's escaped, because a particular warden failed to mention to me that one of their high-profile prisoners had fled the coop. Thanks to a startling vision last night, Luna and I are caught up on the situation, but we can hardly rely on visions to track down a centaur that, despite his feeble appearance, can move faster than we'd anticipated.

That is where you come in. You are the only one that has an attuned sense to the ebb and flow of magic in our world, and thus can sense when a great magical disturbance occurs. Certainly you've felt one of those heeby-jeebies already--that's Tirek's handiwork on one of my precious ponies.

His violent leeching magic, left unchecked, can easily rob us all of magic with no seeming end to his tyranny, but if you nip this in the bud and catch him before things get out of control, the land of Equestria would be very thankful for your aid.

More importantly, I would be extremely grateful, and I might even sign off on your plans to build that Crazy Land theme park of yours. Sure, the blueprints make absolutely no sense at all--making a water wheel a Ferris wheel attraction? Still, it's better than your previous submission of turning a bathroom into a water slide...

Ahem. Do note that I am placing a significant amount of trust in you for this assignment. It is by your actions that may decide whether or not Equestria continues to thrive, or suffer under the hoof of a tyrant that has no qualms with razing our proud and strong cities to the ground.

Do not misplace this trust, Discord. Because if you do, you'll find I can put my horn in very uncomfortable places on your person. By which I mean I'll likely shove my horn up your arse, out your nose, then bend it around to spear through your ears. Knowing you, that'll just be a light, tickly thing that doesn't seem like a huge threat. Believe me, I'll make it anything but ticklish.

Anyway, do give this some thought, and if you want to play Hero and save Equestria, please come by the castle for some more briefing on this giant leech of a centaur. I'll be waiting with a warm smile and happy thoughts.

Just don't twist them into a frown and unhappy thoughts, and make this into a bigger problem than it could be.

Best regards,

Princess Celestia

~~One Day Later~~

Princess Twilight,

We have a bigger problem. Plan D has failed miserably, and it backfired on us in the worst way possible.

Come to Canterlot at once. Be hasty, for there is precious time left to spare.

Also, bring aspirin. You'll be in for a major headache.

Signed,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Waterpicker]

Also, bring aspirin. You'll be in for a major headache.

Yea! Biggest understatement of the century, Celestia!

[MythrilMoth]

Celestia is certainly imaginative in her threats...

[silvadel]

And this is why you don't start on Plan D... Three plans have to *FAIL* before you reach Plan D.

[Tired Old Man]

6024951

"See, I TOLD you we should have gone with Plan A first!"

"Oh, NOW you say that, Luna? After you agreed Plan D was a good idea?!"

"I thought that meant Dreams, not Discord!"

"I--okay, yeah, terrible miscommunication."

[Pankrazius]

6024951
It's plan A who is prone to fail upon first contact with reality.
So every wise leader has a plan B.

IF plan B fails also - there is just one left.

Plan UltraB
(which in short means, to pull out the big guns and fire at everything in possible range - Plan UltraB saved some of my Shadowrun-sessions back then...)

[silvadel]

6024988

Luna is best pony.

[terrycloth]

6024951
Plan A: Cerberus keeps him in Tartarus forever.
Plan B: Track him down with conventional means and capture him before he gets too powerful.
Plan C: Changeling agents scattered throughout Equestria reverse his energy drain when he tries to go after them. Cancelled because of attack on Canterlot.
Plan D: Uh... maybe free Discord and have him deal with it?

[silvadel]

6025043

I thought Plan A was delegate the problem to Twilight? Isn't that the standard Plan A?

[JediWaffles]

making a water wheel an ferris wheel attraction?

a Ferris

(apparently Ferris is capitalized).

[FanOfMostEverything]

Never trust an unsupervised draconequus. Never ever let the draconequus go off on his own to do something important without his supervisor.

6025245
The original was created by George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr. Same principle as the Gatling gun.

[JediWaffles]

6025547
I know they were named after something, I was just reminded of it.

And those mistakes still need fixing.

[BlueYoshi]

I wonder if there was a Plan E? I think it would be EVERYPONY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! plan.

[Tired Old Man]

6025866

Odd, I'm sure I made that correction.

Well, if I didn't, it should be by now.

[Greenjack]

6025062 nah, that's the standard plan B. plan A is to shove the mess under a rug and hope it doesn't start to stink in roughly a millennium.

[JediWaffles]

6025915
Huh? Oh. I didn't look again. Most reply when they fix something. Sorry. I'll just be over here in the corner.

[The dragon hunter]

6025043
Hmm, maybe the A in 'Plan A' stands for Alucard
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140512120605/mlp/images/2/25/Tirek_destroys_the_door_S4E26.png

[Kiryu]

Do not misplace this trust, Discord. Because if you do, you'll find I can put my horn in very uncomfortable places on your person. By which I mean I'll likely shove my horn up your arse, out your nose, then bend it around to spear through your ears. Knowing you, that'll just be a light, tickly thing that doesn't seem like a huge threat. Believe me, I'll make it anything but ticklish.

Discord: Oh really, dear Princess?
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131126002742/mlp/images/b/b7/Discord_holding_Celestia%27s_tail_S4E2.png

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dear princess Celestia:

You had three plans before Discord, and none of them included me?!

...Remind me again why you put more trust in him than me, please

Sincerely confused, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

[Pinklestia]

6029396

Good point.

[musicluvr1974]

6024997 This, then, was Plan Ultra-B on the writers' part?

Headcanon Accepted! /)

[Sora2455]

6029396
I think the D was for Discord, but your comment was still funny.

[DualKitsune]

6028147 Naaah. That would have worked.