• Published 24th Jan 2015
  • 20,435 Views, 5,762 Comments

Letters from an Irritated Princess - Tired Old Man

Celestia writes some blunt letters to her faithful student and friends.

Letters from an Irritated Princess written by Tired Old Man
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Nothing Takes Flight In Here

Mayor Mare,

Given that Ponyville is still standing, I have a small question.

Normally, I get this little damage report from you on very good days, where the biggest expenses I need to concern myself with can be anywhere from a broken window to a new pen. And you've been very diligent in writing such admittedly petty reports, though I didn't mind it much at all.

That said, this week must be a miraculous one. I received absolutely no damage reports from you at all. No daily reports, and more importantly, no weekly report. And I say this knowing Harshwhinny came by the school this week to talk to the children about the big contest for the opening of the Equestria Games.

Particularly, I seem to recall three rambunctious fillies that managed to wreck the float parade some time ago. Now, I'm not saying that I expected them to, say, shift a house off its foundation...

But I did expect something to go wrong. Maybe a busted wagon or scooter, a treehouse needing repairs, a ruined bowtie! I'd even settle for one of your petty reports where you're missing your hairbrush again for the umpteenth time. Seriously, how do you keep losing those? Does your mane eat them?

I know I should be happy that nothing went wrong this week, and I am in a way. But in another, it just feels awkward not getting ANY reports for a week from a town so fraught with incidents major and minor that no news almost has me believing that's BAD news. Just because I hear nothing from the town doesn't mean that's a good thing.

So in the event that another day or week like this comes around where nothing happens, at least let me know through a weekly report that nothing went wrong. You don't have to do it for daily reports--I can accept the town having a few days where nothing happens easily. But a week of silence is something that WILL grab my attention unless you confirm it otherwise.

So, please, keep in touch weekly at minimum. I'll look forward to seeing you and Granny at the Inked Mare in a few days.

Friends Forever,

Princess Celestia

What the--Luna, can you at least knock before entering? And why do you reek of chocolate?

You... ate one of the canes. Huh. Well, if chocolate bits exist, I guess canes can.

Why yes, I'd like one. Also, I assume you figured out how to get back at him for the Ursa?

Oho, that's good. He DOES love blueberry pie.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading, as always.

Also, Tia got around to answering more fanmail.

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Comments ( 12 )
Pinklestia
Pinklestia #1 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

This was funny.

BlueYoshi
BlueYoshi #2 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

I guess the canes come with different sizes, shapes, and flavors.

Anatinus
Anatinus #3 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

Nnnnnoooooo! LUNACANE!

FanOfMostEverything
FanOfMostEverything #4 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

I've always suspected that Mayor Mare was actually Pinkie Pie's aunt. If her hair hungers for hairbrushes, it only encourages my hypothesis...

TonyTheMage
TonyTheMage #5 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

:moustache: Spike approves.

DJPurple3
DJPurple3 #6 · Apr 17th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

5869546 Don't worry. She's got more.

Kage no Brony
Kage no Brony #7 · Apr 17th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

5869546

Sweets for the sweets god! Wrappers for the wrapper throne!

Khaaaaaane!

:twilightoops: Luna, how many of those have you eaten?

Over three hundred have fallen to our might this day! And a dozen cups of the life-blood that is coffee!

:rainbowderp: Welp, we're doomed.

MidnightFMare
MidnightFMare #8 · Apr 21st, 2015 · · ·
Reply

5874431 :pinkiecrazy: face the might of slu'ushinesh!
:rainbowderp: we... Okay, I need to go say goodbye to my life, because they are going to kill us

Moonlit Path
Moonlit Path #9 · May 2nd, 2015 · · ·
Reply

I'm sorry I can't figure this out. What exactly is a lunacane? Is it like a candy cane but made from moon dust instead of sugar? :derpyderp2::facehoof:

Zephyr Winds 13
Zephyr Winds 13 #10 · May 11th, 2015 · · ·
Reply

5932980 You know the Twilicane? I sure hope you do, there was like a kajillion pictures of it in the comments a few chapters back. The Lunacane is the same thing but in a Luna version instead of Twilight.

Discord Fanatic
Discord Fanatic #11 · Aug 6th, 2016 · · ·
Reply

Chocolate cane.
At this point, the meme shows us all pain. :ajbemused:
Chocolate cane!
At least now Twiscepter can breathe again. :twilightsmile:
Chocolate cane.
Oh wait, now Discord has Miss Luna troubled. :trollestia:
Chocolate cane!
The princess-version-cane-things have been doubled! :facehoof:
Chocolate cane.
I need a rhyme here, so Derpy likes bubbles. :derpytongue2:
Chocolate cane...

Lightning_Striker
Lightning_Striker #12 · Mar 26th, 2018 · · ·
Reply

Mayor Mare, singing:

Oh where is my hairbrush?
Oh where is my hairbrush?
Oh where, oh where, oh where oh wheeeeeere is my hairbrush?

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