Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

One Slice of Life to Go, Please! I'm Late for a Very Important Date!

Secret Agent Sweetie Drops,

Warden Airhorn issued a BAM breakout report. The Bugbear is loose. I repeat: Honey Boo Berry is free.

I should have seen this coming sooner. The warden noted Honey Boo scratched the letters "SD" all over the cell floor, walls, roof, bedding, and even the inside of his toilet. I think you know what that means, even if they don't. They had to remove a hundred-plus sacks of dates--dates they delivered in the first place.

Haaauuuuuungh... even a new warden on top of her game isn't enough to correct the incompetence of guards eager to misinterpret wall scribbles. On the plus side, Honey Boo gained a great deal of weight from them, so he should be slower. Or a massive flying wrecking ball. I just hope it's not the latter, otherwise we have a big problem.

Anyway, it doesn't know where you live as of yet, so you should be safe. Even so, once I get an update on the bugbear's location, you'll be the first to know. You put him away once--I have faith you can do it again.

I've also spread this alert to the other towns, including the Crystal Empire and Ponyville. Don't want anypony caught off-guard, but if the Bugbear does attack Ponyville, do NOT compromise yourself. Let the ex-Element Bearers handle it, as they're more than capable of doing so.

And remember--the less that know who you really are, the better. You aren't my third-best STABLE operative for nothing.

And please, please don't address me by my codename. This whole organization isn't supposed to exist on paper, or be acknowledged by anyone. Just imagine if the nobles found out I had a spy network--they might start getting paranoid, and the last thing I need is more paranoid rich ponies doing dumb things with their money like hiring their own secret operatives. In fact, it's also the last thing STABLE needs.

~Big C

Luna, why are you so panicked? Is something happening today?

...OH! THE WEDDING! Gods, I completely forgot! Ah, court starts in an hour, and they figured out my pillow trick now! What do I do this time?!

Yes, another me does sound fantastic, but where am I going to--wait. I do have something in mind.

Well, do you think we can make it to the mirror pool and back in an hour? No, let me rephrase: I need to do it in an hour, and you're going to help.

You remember our tennis games? Something like that.

Comments

[BookLovingGuineaPig]

The tennis again? Do you really want to risk that Celestia?

[Tache]

What if that second makes another clone, and they make 2 more, and those make 4 more and so on!

[MythrilMoth]

Hooray for being completely caught up to the show!

[Tired Old Man]

6110842

Woo! Finally I can take a week-long nap to recover from this series and take a breather--

"But you still have sidestories to write!"

...okay, a three-day nap. Still need it.

[RazDelacroix]

6110821
It'll slow down those nosy nobles that try to pry the sweet princess from her royal visitations! That, or they'll start thinking that Celestia is indeed omnipresent and will behave better in public/private/pandamonium!

[TDR]

Honey Boo Berry

This is now Head canon

[Seether00]

Don't forget to grab the gift left on the counter.

[Tired Old Man]

6110879
Safely Trusted Alicorns Bring Liberty to Equestria

[BlueYoshi]

Celestia's codename is Big C. Well, that's nice to know.

[ZanyZapper]

6110821
Sun! Sun! Sun!
Sun! Sun! Sun! Sun!
Sun! Sun!
ugh! Get the paint and portable wall out again.

[artofwar77]

So the Celestia and Luna at the wedding were mirror doubles?
Might go a long way toward explaining their evident fixation on that one mistake of Celestia's.

And forgive me for being slow, but what did the guards mistake "SD" for meaning?
"D" for "dates", presumably.

[Briarpelt]

I think I know what the nobles' spy agency would be called: BARN (Boastfully Affluent Researchers for the Nobility), or something like that.

[The dragon hunter]

6111107
Hmm, I don't think it would work with her. Idea !: only the real Celestia would be able to eat a whole ten-layers double-chocolate cake in a minute.

[Minds Eye]

6111134
"Sweetie Drops," I assume, since it was tracking the one that locked it up.

[Pankrazius]

6110923
Yes. This is, what a proper Plan UltraB looks like.

[DarkPinkie]

6110695 The newspaper guy from Spiderman. "Bring me pictures of Spiderman!"

[Apocryphal Frost]

So uh, I thought the bugbear had escaped a long while back.

[Tired Old Man]

6111576

"Correction: we thought it did. Pyrefly lost it, panicked and sent a BAM. Consequently, I lost it and disbanded a whole secret organization for it. Kind of difficult to throw it all back together at once all secret-like after a guard bothered to check the prison restrooms and found Honey Boo there. Also pretty late to go, 'Whoops, false alarm' to an organization that no longer existed.

Took me a few years to get almost everything fixed and functional again. Not that you should tell anyone. It's a secret to everypony."

[artofwar77]

6111442
That's what it meant, but Celestia said the guards seemed to have misinterpreted it for something else.

even a new warden on top of her game isn't enough to correct the incompetence of guards eager to misinterpret wall scribbles.

The cell was found filled with bags of dates. I'm wondering what the "S" stood for.

[Tired Old Man]

6111780

(Note: the following is a speculation on my part)

"Huh, hey Teddy, look at all these 'SD's he wrote."

"Yeah? What about em?"

"You think they mean something?"

"Like what, Buck?"

"Iunno, uh, send dates?"

"Dates? Dude, I am not about to play matchmaker tonight for Honey Boo!"

"Not that, the fruit!"

"Oh. Still equally ridiculous. Why would he want dates? Maybe it's diamonds he want--he probably misses his wealth. And if it's drugs, well, that's just a flat no. Or maybe... he wants DONKEYS?!"

"Isn't that close to being a matchmaker?"

"Shush. Your idea is still dumb."

"Okay, fine. What's YOUR idea of what it means?"

"Scratch derriere."

"...okay, no. That's even dumber. I think he meant dates."

"Well, look at him! He doesn't look like he can scratch his arse at all! Maybe it's been building up for, what, a hundred years now? Wouldn't you want that itch taken care of?"

"Would he seriously be this devoted to scratching his bum he makes that desire plain for all to see on the walls?"

"Would he be that desperate to eat dates, Buck?"

"...okay, here's how we fix this. Teddy, you get the back scratcher from the lounge. I'll get a cart of dates, and we'll see who's right."

"Game on, Buck. Game. On."

[artofwar77]

6111844
Wow, thank you!
All I needed was a quick confirmation statement; instead, I got an original story snippet straight from the pony's mouth (so to speak).

Really makes a person feel special, you know?

[INACTIVE_ACCOUNT]

6109226 I've got the full version on my Xbox 360.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Goodness, no wonder they forgot the gift!

[Poet Knight]

Bwahahaha! Nice one!!

[DJPurple3]

6118510 *Shrugs*
It might be. I didn't intend for it to be. Eh.

[keaton-furman-prower]

6110916 Plot twist: Captain Equestria is shocked to discover that it actually stands for Sombra's Tyrannical Armies Bring Lifetime Enslavement

[Kelvin Shadewing]

This episode killed the show for me, so I suppose there's no point in me reading any further. This was enjoyable all the same. You have my upvote.

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

6286288 Really? Purely out of curiosity, could you tell me why?

[grogar]

NICE (Good chap!)

[Discord Fanatic]

STABLE? Make that SMILE! (The dragon's in on it, too.)

[Enza Ren]

OMG CELESTIA! WHAT KIND OF CODENAME IS
'BIG C' !?

[KvAT]

11071343
It's short for Biggie Cheese
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