Dear Princess Celestia,
It's been a long time, hasn't it? For me, at least--I'm not sure how it is for you. But I'm hoping this book still works after all this time, because I don't think we can wait for twenty moons until the portal opens again.
Simply put, a group of girls have come to the school, and they're a lot like me. Well, more like what I was. Worst of all, they're singers, and their songs practically ooze with venom in every word. They also cause people to fart green gas or something, and it goes in their magic gems on their brooches. I don't even know what they are, but I'm certain of one thing.
They are not from here. I know magic when I see it, and this is some evil juju. Even Twilight's friends here have picked up on their evil intent, so it's not just me singling out some new students and being a bitch here. They are trouble, and we can't handle them like this. They've already got a great deal of the school wrapped around their painted fingernails--except for one girl who, I think, doesn't know this is actually a school and not a buffet with multiple dining rooms.
I caught her eating tacos in the girl's bathroom once. It was weird. Don't ask.
But to the point, Twilight's friends and I need help, and the only way I can do that is going out on a wing and a prayer by saying that we need you.
I need you.
So please please PLEASE... contact Princess Twilight Sparkle, and let her know we need her help.
I mean, yes, this is a huge deal, but I don't want to bother you too much for your time on this. You have a whole nation to preside over, and Twilight... does she even have a castle yet?
Anyway, she came through the portal to help me see the light, and specifically with her help, I'm certain she and her friends can handle this situation while I... cheer them on from the sidelines and write this letter asking for her aid, I guess. It's the only thing I can think of doing right now, at least.
So if you can pass this letter on to Twilight, maybe she can figure out some bookworm science-y way to get here and help us before these three divas take over this school with my old song and dance.
Thank you in advance, Princess Celestia.
Your former student,
Sunset Shimmer
P.S. The other girls have a few things to say, so I'll pass this on to them. I'm sure you won't mind.
Celestia, this message is for Twilight. Twilight, this is Rarity. When you get this, would you mind if I measured you? I have some costume ideas in mind, but I need to get all the right sizes. I promise, it'll only take about an hour. I triple-check.
Hi other Celestia! Tell Twilight I said hi! You will tell her, right? Of course you will, who am I kidding! Also, can you do something about this Celestia's restraining order on me? Please? I want to give her a surprise party in her house again!
Rainbow Dash here. So, our Celestia is a principal. Is that kind of like what you do as a princess, or does that mean you do less because you probably have maids and servants doing all your stuff for you? Cause that sounds awesome! Lazy, but awesome!
Celestia, why can't the other you here say my name properly on the intercom when she wants me at her office? I swear she does it on purpose. Please tell me you don't do this to the other me on your end and--consarn it! My name is Applejack! APPLE! Not Cracker!
Um, this is Fluttershy. Do you own any exotic pets? Would it be possible for me to see them one day? If not, do you have any advice on how to properly care for a giant capybara I found last week? It's a rodent of unusual size, if that helps.
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So, even in the other universe, Celestia can't spell Applejar's name right? that's sad.
I take it this is going to become weekly, if not longer, once it catches up. I'm sorry if I'm reiterating something that's been announced already, but that seems like a better alternative to putting it on hiatus until the season ends.
Sunset's anxiety blended with general domain silliness. A most enjoyable blend. Poor Crackersmack...
Ha! So the alternate Celestias get different parts of Applejack wrong!
Better hope they don't team up, Pearjar.
Nice Princess Bride reference.
Poor Crackersnap.
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Oh, naturally. I'm certainly not going to sit and let this stagnate while I wait for the season to finish.
From a schedule standpoint, I'll likely release a new letter one or two days after the episode is released, leaning towards two days.
As for sidestories, for those curious, that'll be the point where I can finally devote some serious time to those, because my schedule's picking up more hours this summer... again.
The life of hourly wages, eh?
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I wasn't original....noooooooo.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!
I am impressed.
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Yay! Finally, more Barhoppers!
6040834 I'd kill to live in that world. Right now I'm just wallowing in joblessness.
Actually... that makes more sense that it has any right to. Especially when you consider that Sunbutt is close friends with Applejack's grandmother, and should therefore know all about the rest of Granny Smith's family...
6040856 I didnt...
Capybaras are rodents?!
Huh, learn something new everyday...
A R.O.U.S.? I don't believe they exist....
*Is tackled by one and mauled*
I guess in the other universe, Celestia calls Applejack "Crackerjack", "Lumberjack", "Slapjack", "Flapjack", "Steeplejack", etc..
Well since all of my Snapplecrack jokes are taken already, instead I'll just congratulate you on being featured! Well-deserved, my friend!
*Raises hoof*
Rodents of unusual size? As you wish. . .
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But yes too.
-Sanity is overrated
6040792 Oh, poor Penelope would never get to hear her name spoken right ever again....
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Ooohh... thanks.
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Poor Sunset. She's making not-so-thinly-veiled cries for attention and pouring her heart out into the page, and all her friends are doing is being silly twats...
This chapter was great. I liked sunset's part, but my favorite bits were probably the ones from Pinkie and Snapplecrack. Who WOULDN'T want to come home to a surprise party?
6041271 perhaps fluttershy should take the capybara to the fire swamps...
Also weird coincidence, it was on TV the other night and I was watching it.
Poor Applejack. In the pony world she is Applesmack, in the human world she is Crackerjack, so if you combined them you get Crackersmack witch sounds like a really bad game, Kind of like whack-a-mole.
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Whack-a-Discord!
Rodents of unusual size? I don't believe they exist.
I wonder if, collectively, the Celestias would call Applejack by her actual name, or if it'd get particularly mangled (Applecrackerjack)?
The one thing that I must argue with about the term "rodents of unusual size" is that "unusual" could be either unusually big or unusually small. Every time I watch that movie, I keep hoping it'll change and a tiny fairy mouse or something will attack. Not that it ever happens... sigh... me and my weird interdimensional fantasies...
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WarName misspellings... Name misspellings never change...The Princess Bride?
6041207 You forgot Candlejack.
Rous
6049256 native to the fire swamps and liable to fuck you up.
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For those of you who don't know about this South American rodent.
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Or a worse cereal.
(@Boulder since the quote button isn't working in the Break Room.)
Giant Hamsters. Overlord anime is real.
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ROUSes? I don't think they exist. *promptly tackled*