Dear Princess Celestia,
It's been a long time, hasn't it? For me, at least--I'm not sure how it is for you. But I'm hoping this book still works after all this time, because I don't think we can wait for twenty moons until the portal opens again.
Simply put, a group of girls have come to the school, and they're a lot like me. Well, more like what I was. Worst of all, they're singers, and their songs practically ooze with venom in every word. They also cause people to fart green gas or something, and it goes in their magic gems on their brooches. I don't even know what they are, but I'm certain of one thing.
They are not from here. I know magic when I see it, and this is some evil juju. Even Twilight's friends here have picked up on their evil intent, so it's not just me singling out some new students and being a bitch here. They are trouble, and we can't handle them like this. They've already got a great deal of the school wrapped around their painted fingernails--except for one girl who, I think, doesn't know this is actually a school and not a buffet with multiple dining rooms.
I caught her eating tacos in the girl's bathroom once. It was weird. Don't ask.
But to the point, Twilight's friends and I need help, and the only way I can do that is going out on a wing and a prayer by saying that we need you.
I need you.
So please please PLEASE... contact Princess Twilight Sparkle, and let her know we need her help.
I mean, yes, this is a huge deal, but I don't want to bother you too much for your time on this. You have a whole nation to preside over, and Twilight... does she even have a castle yet?
Anyway, she came through the portal to help me see the light, and specifically with her help, I'm certain she and her friends can handle this situation while I... cheer them on from the sidelines and write this letter asking for her aid, I guess. It's the only thing I can think of doing right now, at least.
So if you can pass this letter on to Twilight, maybe she can figure out some bookworm science-y way to get here and help us before these three divas take over this school with my old song and dance.
Thank you in advance, Princess Celestia.
Your former student,
Sunset Shimmer
P.S. The other girls have a few things to say, so I'll pass this on to them. I'm sure you won't mind.
Celestia, this message is for Twilight. Twilight, this is Rarity. When you get this, would you mind if I measured you? I have some costume ideas in mind, but I need to get all the right sizes. I promise, it'll only take about an hour. I triple-check.
Hi other Celestia! Tell Twilight I said hi! You will tell her, right? Of course you will, who am I kidding! Also, can you do something about this Celestia's restraining order on me? Please? I want to give her a surprise party in her house again!
Rainbow Dash here. So, our Celestia is a principal. Is that kind of like what you do as a princess, or does that mean you do less because you probably have maids and servants doing all your stuff for you? Cause that sounds awesome! Lazy, but awesome!
Celestia, why can't the other you here say my name properly on the intercom when she wants me at her office? I swear she does it on purpose. Please tell me you don't do this to the other me on your end and--consarn it! My name is Applejack! APPLE! Not Cracker!
Um, this is Fluttershy. Do you own any exotic pets? Would it be possible for me to see them one day? If not, do you have any advice on how to properly care for a giant capybara I found last week? It's a rodent of unusual size, if that helps.