A "Day" Off For a Princess is "Mostly" Impossible
Dear Aloe,
Firstly, I wish to thank you for letting me use your steam room this afternoon before ponies started forming a line at the door. You and I both know that I don’t need that much steam to relax and get refreshed, but I know how to make the smaller things work.
But imagine my surprise when out of nowhere, the steam room suddenly received a huge burst of steam! I did wonder when you were going to get that leaky pipe fixed--seriously now, you simply HAD to have noticed it and called in a repair pony for such a glaringly obvious fault in your system, so I didn’t bother asking you about it. Besides, it seemed like there were other ponies in need of pampering besides me, so I surely couldn’t be wrong in assuming you would get that leaky pipe fixed, right?
I’m probably wrong there, but I don’t care. However, what I do care about is exactly how unprofessional the pipe repair was. Aloe, are you serious? After all that time spent waiting on a repair, you get an amateur repair job that looks like a DIY duct tape fix?! How could you have not hired a professional? You hired a big, bulky deep tissue masseur (who does wonders for my back, Aloe. Don’t you dare fire that miracle workhorse unless he wants to quit), but somehow couldn’t afford to call an experienced plumber?
Also, you DO know that working on a pressurized steam pipe is dangerous, right? Because if you didn’t know, whoever did your repair should have! That is the sort of negligence that can melt a pony’s face like a burning wax aromatherapy candle! It’s a danger not only to yourself and the dim bulb you hired to fix it, but to any other staff and patrons that happened to be near the leaking pipe, assuming that your mechanical master also neglected some basic safe space protocols.
Thinking about whoever fixed your pipe is honestly leaving me flustered beyond my suspense of utter disbelief. Aloe, I swear to you, I will find out who made that shoddy repair to your pipe. I will unearth their name, make the most concentrated of efforts to memorize it and imprint it in my mind once and for all. Mark my words, I will never forget it or get it wrong beyond this point!
And when I do, I’m going to write them the sternest of criticisms regarding their deplorable work in “fixing” your pipe with a repair that’s lucky to last even a full month, at best. If this was truly their best work, it’s an insult to those that practice this craft for a living. I’ll be sure to let them know all about how grave their mistakes were in this repair, because as it stands their work is borderline unacceptable.
Anyway, you need not concern yourself with my complaints about their handiwork. So long as it works for you at the moment, then by all means keep it working. But do get a professional to actually stop by and do a real repair that has a life expectancy of a few years at minimum, hm?
Now, before I close this letter out, I wish to book an appointment next month. Same time as usual, and tell Mister Bulk my aching shoulders will be waiting for him.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
~~~
Dear Mayor Mare,
You missed our spa date this week.
Look, I know we’re both busy mares that typically don’t have a lot of time to spare in our schedules. Given how much I have to manage, you know how much I value my free time and how much I love spending it with you and Granny, but I know your plate can get fairly full as well. Granny simply had far too much to do today, but as far as I knew you didn’t have that much to get done. Or so you told me in your response to my spa invitation, at least.
But now after you told me you had suddenly received stacks of paperwork you simply couldn’t ignore, I’m a bit miffed you didn’t tell me sooner. You do know that, as a friend, I’m more than willing to aid you with your work so you’d actually have some free time to spend with me later? And it’s paperwork, Mayor! Paperwork! I essentially live for that these days!
Instead, you went off to your work unannounced and I got stuck in my other spa treatments. Needless to say, it wasn’t as fun or thrilling to do without you, but I’m actually more disappointed in myself that I didn’t take up more of an effort to discover what was taking you so long and then actually cutting into my spa time to help you get some of yours. I was miffed you couldn’t make it, but I also feel like a jackass for not even trying to offer my assistance to you, however big or little of a benefit it may have had for you.
So please, the next time you’re swamped on one of our dates, don’t hesitate to ask if you need help. Otherwise, I might just have to see if you need help myself. That’s what good friends are for, right?
Friends Forever,
Princess Celestia
Luna, how does your schedule look for next week? Granny wants a spa day next Saturday and she wants to know if you’re free.
Yes, of course. I’ll watch over Sunny and Moony while you’re out. I’m not foolish enough to think they have things handled on their own yet--they still have a long way to go.
When they do sort it out? Well, then we can actually schedule a full group spa date, of course! Oh, you have no idea how much I look forward to that! Just imagine the chatter, the bath salts, and all the aromatherapy candles we’ll get! We can swap in our doubles so they don’t have to miss out on it either, albeit with a bit of necessary supervision, but I believe we can make it work, don’t you?
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Oh really?
Applepipe
7261382
*Appleyak
Poor Sapplesnack. She's in for it now...
Applejackhammer.
Not gonna hold my breath on that one.
I find myself wondering if the sun rises in the east in Equestria because Celestia used to have to avoid hitting something...
Ooooh, Snappleblack's in trouble now!
(A day later)
ow, I already had a headache, I don't need you making it worse by hammering in your critisim indirectly
oh yes I remember her, apple... apple...I know it starts with apple... apple jerk? eh good enough
Ugh not a good episode in general, still I hope there's a bonus "dear applesack..." letter
After that crazy redneck hackjob fix, I propose the name "Applehack".
Jackapple really was holding the idiot ball this episode, wasn't she?
Yeah that repair job... I'm not even a professional plumber, and that hurt me to look at. Probably because I am still a former professional repairman. Seriously, it wouldn't have killed them to close the spa for the repairs, which is probably the biggest reason for closing any business outside of major holidays. In fact, holding the spa open during said repairs was subjecting the owners to a massive liability that could have shut their business down permanently.
Further, anybody who's done any work on anything would be able to tell you that before you try to perform repairs, you must first shut down operations of said thing. That is one of the most common warning labels in the world, shortly following those for choking hazards. This show is supposed to be semi-educational to children! How about instead of focusing on arbitrary and obscure morals, they take a crack at promoting the value of workplace safety? The latter is vastly more uniform than the former, much easier to teach, and with much more straightforward and visceral consequences for failure.
This episode angered me to no end, especially since it illustrated Applejack as being incompetent and lacking in common sense, while ostensibly being about her superior competence and common sense. I really hate it when character-focus episodes demonstrate the character being focused on falling out of character and staying that way, especially when they try to show how much said characters are actually better than all the others at what they do by having everybody else being so blindingly stupid that people end up rooting for the world-destroying villains out of contempt for the population majority.
*A door opens to reveal Celestia's bedroom. Applejack is inside, spray painting her name on the wall.*
Celestia: Who the devil are you?