Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Mare-Do-Well at Large

Rainbow Dash,

You were doing so well, and then you fell in line with the rest of the letters. For a moment, I believed I was finally talking to a pony that isn't an aging mare, my sister, or a zebra; a pony that was past the point of object permanence, and one I could have a conversation with without having to refocus the topic every two minutes.

The moment, much like my expectations that day court would have such a pony visit at least once, was as fleeting as you.

Mayor Mare just about flipped her lid in the report she sent me. New buildings under construction topping over, a dam breaking down on the same day, and a runaway wagon careening toward a cliff?! "Madness concentrated in a single day!" she said.

I personally think that's a standard day over there, but she's lucky some hotshot hero named Mare-Do-Well managed to save the day in every situation without uttering a single word. Whoever it was, I like her just for mincing unnecessary chatter.

Anyway, I presume from this lesson of yours that this hero stole your thunder, and you went off spending too much time talking and not enough rescuing.

Take it from me when I say that talking for too long wears away the greatest of mental barricades and limits of patience. If you've spent any time around Pinkie, that lesson should have registered by now. But given the permanence of these lessons "learned" so far, I won't be surprised if this is forgotten in two weeks.

Regardless, you learned not to be as much of a braggart, and to focus in on doing the action instead of talking about it. Do not be your own bard, for if your actions are great enough, you should not have to gloat about them and let them speak for themselves.

Oh, and before I forget, extend my thanks to Fluttershy for finding that crow for Luna. My faith in her occupation is officially restored. For now.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Luna, that is a lovely bird. You plan on taking him to night court?

Shadebeak is rather... intimidating, yes. Just don't have him carry anypony out the window or anything.

Threaten to, yes, but make sure if it happens, they get taken out the front door. Jenkins won't mind the extra fear piss. He's immune to the smell of ammonia at this point.

Comments

[Zaid ValRoa]

But given the permanence of these lessons "learned" so far, I won't be surprised if this is forgotten in two weeks.

Oh, come on, Celly. It's not as if you were to get a report from Fluttershy about overcoming her shyness, or something like that.

[Betatrack]

What, no Tiberius the Opossum? You're making me sad here!

[silvadel]

5665859

Eaten by Shadebeak, I am sorry to say.

Then again opossums die of old age within 3 years of being born, and are old at 2.

[BlueYoshi]

I'm not surprised to see Celestia being upset at Rainbow's letters this time.

Anyways, I want to see how Celestia will react to Rarity's letters.

[ChibiChabot]

5665987 Poor Poor Tiberius.

[I NO LONGER EXIST]

You call this a "Friendship Report?"

Yes. Yes, I do. You didn't specify as to the desired quality of said report.

[Hillbe]

Dear Celestia,
You included 'sunbeam' in your last reply, Can I order a Sunbeam Model 57 as my old electric razor has trouble with this five o'clock shadow and the stubble is so tough that my arms get tired , It's just nasty the hair clogs the tines and gear works. . .
Twilight said after she became a "Princess" She has to shave more often, You know she looks like Poncho Via at dinnertime ?

Waiting for your answer

Spike the Brave & hairless Dragon.

PS. Who's Poncho?

[D48]

I was honestly not a fan of this one. You had a beautiful opportunity to have Celestia tear into Twilight and the others for the shit they put Rainbow through, but instead we got a bit of garbage with Celestia obliviously replying to a nonexistent letter (there is a book with all the letters including the ones we did not see get written in the episodes, but Mare Do Well was the only episode that did not have one indicating Rainbow never wrote a letter about it).

[Tired Old Man]

5666938

Twilight Sparkle: What we're trying to say is, it's great to be really good at something, but it's important to act with grace and humility.

Rainbow Dash: Ohhhh. That makes loads more sense. Yeah. You're right. And I guess I should've also acted with grace and humility when others outshine me. Like Mare Do Well.

Twilight Sparkle: Sounds like you've got a letter to write to Princess Celestia.

Spike: Already got it covered. As your ghost writer, I've already penned a letter to the Princess.

Okay, so, the show transcript states that such a letter was written.

That's pretty much all I need to know, regardless if other sources conflict with that. Unless the show states the letter wasn't sent, I operate on the belief that it was.

And why would Celestia rip on the girls for being heroic and actually doing some solid work saving the town? Because they were trolling Dash about it? Pssh, Tia's not that petty--

"Dammit Luna, stop propping water buckets on my door! Don't make me prop flour bags on yours!"

...statement retracted.

[D48]

5667210 I noticed how you ignored the very next line which contradicts your point by saying the letter was not sent:

Rainbow Dash: That's nice of you, Spike, but I really wanna write this letter myself.

Whatever Spike wrote very clearly did not get sent and we have no way to know if Rainbow went through with that or just said it to keep a letter from being sent. Also, even if she did send something we have no way of knowing if she actually sent a letter about the fucked up "lesson" or outed them to Celestia for betraying her trust, exploiting her deepest fears, and making huge hypocrites of themselves by doing everything they complained about her doing in the process. I am not going to go into more detail on why that episode was an abomination because that dead horse has been beaten more than enough already so there is really no point.

[Tired Old Man]

5667299

Ignored? No, I merely highlighted what was relevant. If I had continued past that, Spike was just going to reread the letter with Dash's OK only for her to spook them. That's not a direct denial of his letter not being sent if Dash was willing to hear it.

The point is a letter was written, and as far as I can tell, I see no reason why a letter wasn't sent. Given the circumstances above, if Dash wanted to hear it, she was probably OK with it in the end anyway, so Tia gets Spike's copy.

It's supposition, yes, but I'll stick to it for this story.

I have far better things to write for Rarity right now, anyway. Gotta keep keepin on.

[aceotaku]

5666362 indeed. its also why I don't much care for certain abridged parodies, such as friendship is witchcraft or whatever its called

[New Dawn]

5668866 DISCORD!

[crowscrowcrow]

5666938
Wait, there is?
What is this book called?

[Aurora Dimmet]

5667746

You really should just ignore this idiot, Tom. Some users on here have some stupid pathological hatred of Mare-Do-Well, likely the Dashie-cultists. I've tried enlightening them since then, but they won't hear it. When you DO force them to see reason they brush it off and just go on about how the episode had horrible writing, then gravitate back into the same stupidity they were spouting beforehand.
If you try to reason with them, they will bite you. Like this one did, by calling you an idiot who can't understand English despite writing this lovely story for us. In English.

[Shadow Scryer]

Much as a loathe this episode, I really do like your Celestias response. Can't help but wonder what she'd think if she learned MDW's identity and reason for their actions though. (I don't think she's had an episode about pride since this one, and the Christmas episode doesn't count since, among other things, it was just plain appalling. Nor the thing about talking too much, which I wonder if she'll notice in future chapters. Looking forward to said chapters either way.)

Actually, this whole story's enjoyable to read, even if the title is similar to a certain other fic on this site.

[The Cynical Brony]

5671431 Or maybe people just have different thoughts, and you're being an asshole. This links to my reasoning behind not liking the episode.

[RedvsBlue327]

Heh. First entertainment from the story, then a show from the comments. This story never fails to be enjoyable.

[kooarbiter]

5712711

[Pinklestia]

Ah yes, Mare do Well, also know as "Rainbow Dash friends are jerks".

[Sauron]

5794160
Better known as: "Everyone except Spike is a jerk", "That one episode no one liked that gave Merriwether Williams a bad reputation in the eyes of fans" and "That episode that got disproportionate levels of hate for its poor writing".

And referred to by me as "Still better than Simple Ways and Breezies".

[VampDash]

5699655 Or maybe he's stating why he likes the episode AND points out that YES there are people who have a weird hatred of the episode DESPITE not seeing it and refusing to see how RAINBOW is also in the wrong during the episode but yes CLEARLY he's being an asshole. Also I DID see your review... I am unimpressed and if I get downvotes or a response defending the hatred of the episode? It'll just further my point and his point.

[SoloBrony]

5671431
5806613

I feel the name-calling and character-assassination is unwarranted. Even if you disagree with someone's viewpoint, calling them an idiot who can't see reason, and decrying their stance as pathological, even when they try to offer reasoning for it, is inappropriate and intellectually dishonest. I believe that is the greater cause of the backlash, here, rather than people simply disagreeing with the content of your words - though I could be mistaken.

[zernoc56]

5699655 Damn, they would be great at Cinema Sins

[GoldenCyclone4]

5671431 You have a point. The harshness may be a bit unwarranted, but you have a solid point. Unfortunately, Dashie-cultists aren't the only ones out there. There will always be fans of a character who can't stand to see that character looking bad, especially in shows like this one, with multiple main characters. I believe that many of these fans are either projecting themselves onto that character, and therefore when that character looks bad or fails, they see it as themselves failing too, or they are too childish or quick tempered when it comes to said character, and can't handle when that character screws up, because to them, that character is infallible and perfect and should be the star of the show. Like I said, it isn't just this fandom. How do you think Draco in Leather Pants or Ron the Death Eater got coined? But this fandom is very susceptible to it do to there not being only one protagonist, and also very vocal about their views. The best way to deal with these types is to try and calmly, without name calling or picking a fight, explain your personal stance and back it up with logical and provable arguments, as well as respecting the other person's own stance. If they continue to rant and rave and generally ignore you or the laws of grammar and punctuation, calmly state that you do not wish to start a war over a TV show and proceed to ignore any more inflammatory remarks on their part. Should they apologize for their actions, accept it and move on. If they continue to aggravate the situation, give them a warning that you will ban them if they keep it up, and follow through if they do. Any further, and you may need other assistance.
Wow, that was one hell of a rant. I need something to regain the humorous atmosphere. Oh, I know!

[ColdGoldLazarus]

5666037 When she actually send some...

[Cracked Egg]

I CAN'T BREATHe

[Deleted-account]

6421128
Dear princess Celestia,

It appears that moon dust has gotten out of Princess Luna's room and is causing breathing difficulties. Please talk to her majesty about it.

With respect,

Wintermote

[Scruffy]

I'd have named the raven Quoth. You know, cause then he'd be Quoth the raven. A bit harder to say, but much more fun than just calling him Nevermore, yah?

[irish_moon]

My friend drew Shadebeak! It looks really cool. I'm so proud of her!
Here's the link

[GarrusVakarian]

7421374
Tell your friend that your friendly neighborhood Turian says it looks great!

media.tenor.com/images/91fbf65c7a627dfb1cb2daf2f3e30a0f/tenor.gif

[Dashie04]

7064100
I don’t care if I’m the only one who gets this, it’s amazing.

Also, a good ‘viewers are geniuses’ joke is great every once and a while.

[KvAT]

Threaten to, yes, but make sure if it happens, they get taken out the front door. Jenkins won't mind the extra fear piss. He's immune to the smell of ammonia at this point.

Whatever Celestia is paying him, it's not enough. Poor dude.