Twilight Sparkle,
Six months spent in Diamond Dog negotiations. Luna and I spent six months discussing appropriate compensation for their stores of polished onyx. Dry kibbles and bits weren't good enough, but we wouldn't dare succumb to their demands of flank steak slathered in gravy.
Today, we were close to a compromise on soft, slightly microwaved mystery meat from a can. We normally serve that to rogue griffons in the dungeon, though we didn't tell them that. Their tongues were practically salivating, and we had them sold.
Then one of their messenger dogs came in and told of a pony who squealed and whined some of their dogs into handing over their entire gem stores in one of their mines.
Ruff, the pack leader, was not pleased. Barking obscenities and frothing at the mouth, he accused us of larceny, destruction of private property, and being royal arseholes as eloquently as you can imagine a raging bulldog might say.
Obviously negotiations broke down, but we managed to escape thanks to a good stick throw. Let that be a lesson for you: when entering negotiations, have a back-up plan. Or three. Luna had a ball and I had a big stick, but thankfully we didn't need them.
By the way, Luna is NOT happy she didn't get her onyx. She's venting in her room right now, chucking stones at statues in the garden. Earlier I warned her about one in particular, but she said she wouldn't aim for it. I'm happy she still knew after all this time. The last thing we need is another out-of-control problem.
Then I settled down in my room to read your report. The lesson you learned from Rarity was good. Really... really good. Just... SO good.
Now, I'm not naming names here, but her timing is oddly coincidental. Unless some other pony was captured by Diamond Dogs and pulled the exact same song and dance she did, the chances of this being the situation that messenger dog mentioned are remarkably high. Almost certain, in fact.
I'm not mad. Assuming she got the gems she did, there's probably some polished onyx among those, so I'll send a... request that she also fashion Luna's regalia. I know the Gala's coming up soon, but she'll have time.
She'll make the time. I'm sure of that, one way or another.
Anyway, enjoy your evening, Twilight. I'll join my sister in casting stones tonight. Oh, but feel free to let Rarity know of my request if she's still awake at this hour.
No, really. Please get that done for me.
Love,
Princess Celestia
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Celestia is pretty level headed considering that Rarity is to blame for the failure of the negotiations.
Either that, or she was screaming bloody murder as she wrote that letter.
5599197
This letter works so much better if you hear it in the stilted tones of someone just barely repressing their anger.
Now we know the real reason for Sweet and Elite.... Keep your friends close and your enemies closer...
5599197 Well the fact that they have proves that Diamond dogs foalnapped and enslaved a pony to work in the mines should actually be a huge boon to a negotiation. The Diamond Dogs have the weaker position now if Celestia was just aggressive about it.
I like to imagine now that Luna's stone throws inadvertently set about the events of Return of Harmony.
They targeted Rarity because she had a gem finding spell. They kidnapped her and tried to force her into slave labor. It's not Rarity's fault the trio stink at negotiations for recompilation.
5599241
"Hah, I wish.
See, if SHE simply hadn't taken their gem stores and showed the ultimate level of generosity by doing so, I could have spun the kidnapping thread and had them pinned by their scruffy tails. They wouldn't have any real counterclaims outside of eardrum damage.
But instead she took all their available gems from one of their biggest mining operations in Equestria, and in doing so set up a wonderful clusterbuck of a situation for me to handle on my end.
Plus, arguing with dogs that worked up never works. All they do is just bark louder and bite each other, basically becoming more unruly. One even humped my leg last meeting.
He wasn't at this one." ~Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
With all due respect, what in Tartarus are you talking about!? Those dogs foalnapped Rarity! She did what she had to to escape! Holding trade negotiations with criminals doesn't look good for Equestria, if you ask me, Rarity did you a huge favor. You should be thanking her, not punishing her!
Your extremely annoyed student,
Twilight Sparkle
5600753
How is that a FO:E reference?
Xenith, kinda. I had just watched a coulple of FO:E videos and it just jumped to mind
5601363
Twilight is the type to put function ahead of aesthetics, and her new castle has more room for books, than the old treebrary.
Sorry, but this one was just terrible. The other letters at least remained slightly true to what happened and were quite funny, but this one just rants and blames everything going wrong on Rarity. Because she was kidnapped. She is blaming Rarity for getting kidnapped. She is blaming her problems on something horrible happening to an innocent pony.
Why couldn't this have been worded pretty much any other conceivable way?
5627714
To be fair, she didn't KNOW Rarity had gotten ponynapped. She only knew that, according to the messenger, Rarity went to the Diamond Dogs and whined and complained her way out of there with lots of gems.
5599491
Dear Princess Celestia
I just want to say that I am dreadfully sorry my foalnapping by a foreign power while within the legal boundaries of my own country and pressed into labor caused problems with your
capitulationnegotiations with the diamond dogs. I can assure you, I will do everything within my power to avoid such circumstances from happening in the future.That said, you are correct that I received a great deal of high quality onyx in my
ransomgift from the pack, among other things, and would be more than happy to help. Especially helping royalty, and especially if that help will lower the odds of any sort of "accidents" regarding high velocity sedimentary rocks and glass planes.Sincerely, Rarity
Dear Princess Celestia:
Rarity was abducted by those mutts. Any responsibility for the failure of your negotiations therefore falls squarely onto their shoulders. Think about that next time you write another one of your accusatory letters!
Sincerely, Twilight.
5647994
Eeyup.
The leader of the packs name is Rover, its on the wiki.
5762826 Twilight sparkle. With the right directions they could make a Hole big enough to swallow Canterlot. To spread another creatures words, 'the needs of the Many outweighs the needs of the few'
6156896
maybe Rarity was taken by a sub-pack?
If Celestia was half as smart as she thinks that she is, she'd let Rarity negotiate with the dogs.