Dear Spike,
First off, happy birthday. I would send you one of your favorite emeralds, but I'm fairly certain gems are probably the last thing on your mind at the moment. I'll save it for another time, then.
But onto the important business. I'm somewhat surprised you wrote this letter while omitting the fact that you bloated to a full-size dragon before you learned your lesson. Granted, maybe you didn't need to mention it because you knew how huge you grew, and that I had a clear view of Ponyville from my balcony. A distant view, yes, but not so distant that I can't tell when a giant purple mass just appears out of nowhere and starts destroying the town, so perhaps that didn't need reiteration.
You know, I really did fear the worst. I feared you'd given into the miserly, greedy ways of the other dragons, and I was fully prepared to send a cavalry to get you out of Ponyville before you would cause any further damage. Assistant to my student or not, you could have easily endangered many lives today, and you know that.
Which is why I'm extremely thankful that you managed to stop yourself before things got out of control. Really, I can't be any more impressed that you were able to control your urges when most dragons can't at all; that fact alone is outstanding, if not worth celebrating on its own merits. Truly, your progress in learning the merits of friendship rivals Twilight's at this point.
Mayor Mare is also happy to report that no casualties came about amid your rampage, although the building damages are more than enough for her to request financial aid of me. I'm fine with that; I usually get one once a month from her anyway. Twice this month isn't a big deal, and it's certainly not her most expensive call for aid. That would be the night I took her bar hopping with Granny.
None of us remember what happened that night, but it slapped me with roughly 100,000 bits in payment for damages, room service, and rental of a circus monkey.
It must have been awesome.
Anyway, you learned a great friendship lesson, a practical lesson in controlling your tempting urges, and most importantly, the town isn't a pile of ash. I look forward to your next letter, Spike.
Love,
Princess Celestia
Oh, hello Luna. How did your first night court go with Shadebeak?
Seriously? They got right to the point and didn't waste a second of time talking about pointless garbage? You are SO lucky your bird is intimidating. All I get are cute comments and some "smart" ponies dangling marshmallows near mine.
Hey hey, it's different when I do that. I at least share mine with her. Don't act like you haven't shared sweets with yours.
...you haven't? Sister, you are missing out on some major immortal bonding time. Come to the kitchen with me; we're going to make some moon cookies!
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You lost me at circus monkey; are they the ones from the gala before...?
To my readers:
Thank you. Thank you for reading this story.
I stated this here last night, but honestly, it bears repeating to me. It does.
It's hard for me to imagine Celestia saying Awesome with a straight face, but maybe Celestia is one of those ponies who is careful about her word choice and when she uses the word awesome, she really means it (rather than the go-to descriptor for anything 'big & cool').
I think what I like most about this story is that it stays fairly well within the bounds of canon personality, rather than going off the rails and having Celestia et al act like complete crazies/sociopaths. While those stories are fun in their own right too, you need to make accommodations for the dark humor from the start. This, in comparison, sticks closer to canon (and yes, Celestia having personal relationships with unexpected ponies and the occasional crazy escapade isn't too far-fetched, seeing as how she canonically wants to be down to earth and not get placed on a pedestal) and takes into account her core personality traits, in particular being a genuinely good person. So it's good.
Yay, moon cookies!
I have a pet bat! Maybe I should introduce him to Shadebeak..
I still can't get over the idea of Celestia going drinking with Granny Smith and Mayor Mare. That... that is amazing. Can someone write this?!
Granny is best pony.
Didn't even get to see it in action. But what little Celly say of it is quite telling.
5673950
You're welcome! Celestia's varying interaction with different characters in this story is what drew me in this fanfic, and I'm very glad that I made a decision to follow the story as soon as I started to read it.
How do you think Granny Smith lives so long? She has an arrangement with Celestia...
5674696
She's at least three hundred. I blamed it on eating first-generation Zap Apples. But this makes more sense.
Of course no-one told her that Rarity was the reason Spike came back to his senses. Would have been nice to see Celestia give her some credit for once, oh well. I liked the end bit with Luna though.
5674696 They seem to meet more often than once every hundred years, though.
If that wasn't intended to be a Sandman reference, I'm very disappointed in you.
5674696 *ahem*
Due to her connection with the orchard, so long as trhe ground is fertile and the land breathes its eternal breath, so shall she, and as to her age?
... 587, she was one of the first few generations to live on the orchard after all.
How else do you explain Big Mac's size? he has a strong connection with the strength and resilience of the earth
Aj and Applebloom haven't shown a connection though
5677599
You're all wrong! It's because Granny Smith's a Highlander! Or...or a Haylander. Marelander?
5681520 ...did that one pony analyst's joke become a meme?
Looks like Luna's baking must have improved.
5696164
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Aawww....
Alicorns have the powers of all three subspecies, and then some all rounded up, but they aren't necessarily the absolute best in every field. Celestia's liver and kidneys certainly must be matched hoof-for-hoof by those of Mayor Mare and Granny Smith's
But what happened with the cupcakes?
5674106
This. You've managed to sum up why I prefer this to the Disgruntled Letters in a nutshell. Bravo.
6244100
I ascribe to the theory that Princess Celestia is an ascended Earth Pony, given her size and over all powerful presence. I am aware today doesn't explain raising the sun, but I think she probably stubborned it into compliance.
6244100 Well Granny is at least a hundred years old, possibly as many as 3 centuries, and Earth Pony magic is linked to life and the earth. Magic to enhance life should boost the user's life force. With a strong enough life force, poison resistance would be obvious. That would also explain Alicorn longevity/immortality, as they take earth pony magic and ramp it up to eleven. Granny's age could be explained then by the fact that she is one of the most magically powerful Earth ponies in Equestria, which seems to be confirmed by the cultivation of Zap Apples, something that only her family can do.
6743508 Nah, the Apple family has a monopoly on Stubbornite.
No pub crawl is complete without a monkey!
33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzpydoUH571qg39ewo1_500.gif
6792045 When does the show mention her age?
7448702 Guessing you have much experience?
8096042 Not in the last 20 odd years...but before. (Hint: I wasn't the monkey)
Haven't you established that Luna's moon cookies are made from moon dust and Luna's tears? Just what the hell is wrong with Celestia? You refer to her as enjoying them on several occasions.
8251211
i think that's the joke
(duh m8)
That sounds like a fun time