Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

...But It's Not Hard to Say Anything About Who was With Them

Dear Big Macintosh,

I’m certain your sister’s given you an earful by now of how important it is to let others know about where you go when you leave the orchard, or in this case where your younger sibling and her friends wander off to that just so happens to be where you are because they snuck onto your apple cart without you noticing. I’m certain two other ponies have given you similar earfuls for this information that could have been sent to them in less than twenty-four hours and wholly prevented a nationwide marehunt for three potentially endangering ponies. As much as I’d love to add my two bits to this, you probably have enough bits on hoof from this to buy yourself a new yoke that feels slightly less constricting on your neck.

However, there’s still some bits I can throw in regarding the excuse you gave as to why said message had not been relayed: you were chasing tail while following the antiquated courting advice of the three ponies that also gave you antiquated love poison.

It sounds ridiculous when I put it that way, and it should because that’s how your head needed to parse it. Big, romantic gestures like what you tried are all show and no substance. The only reason to use one is if you are a noble, because nobles are the rare breed that somehow manage to keep medieval wooing standards in peak condition.

Most nobles, anyway. Some have adopted more progressive standards while others will persist with a wicked motherly creature ripped straight out of a world filled with devilish cats and fairy godmothers.

But enough about Filthy Rich’s taste in mares. You managed to woo your romantic interest with a gesture that actually meant something to her, and that’s worth jumping for joy. Gods know what others thought would be in store for you (or might still be, on the off-chance this doesn’t work out), but for what it’s worth I wish you well in your future encounters with your potential special somepony.

Just don’t take romantic advice from children ever again. That’s all I ask.

Hoping your ears still function after three ponies screamed them to deaf,

Princess Celestia

Sunny? You seem awfully ecstatic tonight. Did something happen with your new sanctuary, or…

Who. Is. That?

Sir Croak M. Boosh, is it? Oh no no, he simply will NOT do as your new boyfriend. Blessings?! Unbelievable! I refuse to grant that so easily. Not until I've taken the time to get to know your new suitor.Don't worry about a thing. I'm just going to test his... resolve for a few minutes. I'm not going to do anything to him! I know he looks sweet, but I have to know that's not just on the outside, understand?

Author's Note:

I thought about this episode for a while, and whether or not I should address the fact that no one noticed three teenage girls disappearing in broad daylight, or focus on misguided romance tactics.

Then I realized it wasn't a Split decision and I could do both, so here we are!

Comments

[Albi]

But enough about Filthy Rich’s taste in mares.

Shots! Fired!

[blazikenking]

8197152 Not just shots fired, but shots fired from up high, too.

[AyanamiRei]

I mean their advice was great, and to be fair as we learned in an earlier episode, they HAVE grown up and matured a LOT since they got their cutie marks. So I don't know what Celestia is so mad about, ESPECIALLY given that it worked.

HOWEVER, Big Mac SHOULd have sent word out somehow. Though I am not entirely sure how exactly, since that town didn't seem to have a telegram or any other fast means of communication.

Though certainly he should have told Applejack where he was going, because then she might have had a better idea of where they were.

[Iron Comet]

Equestria kind of lacks a phone system and seems to work with mail. So just how would Big Mac have told anyone anything? You would be talking days unless the town had a pegasus running mail daily. More likrly any mail went out on the train and the train was literally at the end of the line.

[BellChime]

I don't think the Crusaders are quite teens yet, but either way, I'm sure that Big Mac's ears are still ringing.
On why he followed their advice, I think he was well and truly infected with the love bug. There's a reason that it's classified as a sickness.

[BlueYoshi]

Just don’t take romantic advice from children ever again. That’s all I ask.

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, MATCHMAKERS!

Oh wait. They already have a cutie mark.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Gods know what others thought would be in store for you (or might still be, on the off-chance this doesn’t work out), but for what it’s worth I wish you well in your future encounters with your potential special somepony.

Indeed. It may not be what we expected, but if it works out, more power to them.

Also, I'm not sure if you should be proud or ashamed of "screamed them to deaf."

[Tired Old Man]

8197463

Sweetie: "We don't get it. Big, grand gestures always work in the fairy tales."

Big Mac: "But Sugar Belle's not a fairy tale princess. She's a real pony. She's kind, and she works hard, and she's sweeter than everything in her bakery."

I dunno about you, but this sounds to me like the CMC's advice didn't work. In fact, the only romance ideas that DID work were all Big Mac's by bringing her apples by the cartload and fixing up her display case.

Pretty much the only thing the CMC did right was pointing out to mister Belieber that he had Gaston's callgirls chasing his tail.

[AyanamiRei]

8197743 Hmmm...I guess the details of that episode weren't nearly as fresh in my head as I thought <.<;

Still if it wasn't for the CMC he never would have made a move an realized that Sugar loved him

[Tired Old Man]

8197727

I am proud of every joke I make.

Even the awful ones.

[Coin Drop]

Weren't they there for just the afternoon? Any message Big Mac could of sent would make it back home after he did. It would also mean everypony would have freaked out about three fillies going missing for a few hours.

[Auren Dawnstar]

Honestly, Equestria seems to have no problems letting children wander off on their own, sometimes even halfway across the country, without any form of supervision.

Pinkie apparently moved to Ponyville not long after getting her cutie mark, Cheese Sandwich wandered around Equestria at the same time as well, and since the Journal of the Two Sisters is considered canon the friendship journal entry at the end suggests that even Rainbow moved to Ponyville when she was around 10ish years old as well.

[The Chronicler]

8198021 it's my headcanon that the Cakes are Pinkie's extended family (probably aunt and uncle) and that's why she was sent to apprentice under them when she got her cutie mark. Don't know about Rainbow Dash though.

[DragonRaiderX9]

I’m certain two other ponies have given you similar earfuls for this information that could have been sent to them in less than twenty-four hours and wholly prevented a nationwide marehunt for three potentially endangering ponies.

No one else seemed to catch that, but I did. And it was funny.

[DualKitsune]

three potentially endangering ponies.

three potentially endangering ponies.

Not endangered?

Sir Croak M. Boosh, is it? Oh no no, he simply will NOT do as your new boyfriend. Blessings?! Unbelievable! I refuse to grant that so easily. Not until I've taken the time to get to know your new suitor.Don't worry about a thing. I'm just going to test his... resolve for a few minutes. I'm not going to do anything to him! I know he looks sweet, but I have to know that's not just on the outside, understand?

Well someone's out a suitor...

[Boulder]

Sir Croak M. Boosh, is it? Oh no no, he simply will NOT do as your new boyfriend. 

Sunny has the hots for a Prench syrupy dish with lots-a balls!?!

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

8198021
It's Equestria. Their crime rate is apparently -2 (now that Starlight's no longer on the loose.)

[Zubric]

Sir Croak M. Boosh, is it? Oh no no, he simply will NOT do as your new boyfriend. Blessings ?! Unbelievable! I refuse to grant that so easily. Not until I've taken the time to get to know your new suitor.Don't worry about a thing. I'm just going to test his... resolve for a few minutes. I'm not going to do anything to him! I know he looks sweet, but I have to know that's not just on the outside, understand?

Oh my darn it why is that the first thing that comes to mind. Darn you fandom

[Shadow-DJ]

But enough about Filthy Rich’s taste in mares.

SHOTS FIRED!