Dear Twilight and friends,
I’ve recently acquired a copy of the Daily Flugel in great anticipation of how Rarity’s new boutique opened up. Well, that and the latest Spider-mare pictures, which seemed unusually stale in this copy. Just a few pictures of her swinging around the city posing for glamour shots--bit boring, really.
Now, I’ve thoroughly perused the review, and there’s a few things in here that are notably… discomforting. But before I get to that, I’ll start on a high note.
Rarity, you took this like a champ. You hadn’t done much in the way of doing anything wrong, although doing things wrong likely wasn’t in your itinerary. And I know just how busy you were setting up your frontal displays. A first impression like that’s the most important part of a boutique, so you clearly had your hooves full of work there. Well done.
Now, on to the rest of you.
Twilight, I will say that your triple organization system is nothing short of genius that only your OCD mind could produce under pressure. You probably even drafted up a few handy checklists for Coco and her associates to use so your incredibly efficient system sees its fair use.
However, when the dresses and outfits inevitably get sold and new fashions come in per Rarity’s new seasonal lines of clothing, they are not going to keep that kind of organization forever. How do I know this? Because I can stroll into Rarity’s boutique in Canterlot and see an arrangement on the racks best described as “flipped-turned upside down”. That’s what happens when you leave shopping ponies alone in a clothing store for less than five minutes. If there’s children, three minutes.
Shopping ponies are always inclined toward discord, no matter how big or small. Given how busy that street is, your triple-check system is practically destined to crumble under the weight of grabby hooves with little sense to return things where they found them. Gods help those employees Rainbow Dash hired--they’re in for the long haul trying to keep up with your organizational prowess. I doubt they will, but they’ll adapt their own system in time to work for them. Whatever it takes to keep up with the masses of ponies shuffling through that door.
Speaking of Rainbow Dash, I’m confused. Just very, very confused. You see, I thought you learned something important from the incident with the Wonderbolts not too long ago. But given your actions today, I really do wonder if you learned anything at all back at Wonderbolt Headquarters.
Surely you figured out that behaving like your friends didn’t do anything to help you there. Thus, I’m having difficulty coming to terms with why you thought thinking like your friend would be a valid option here. It’s a real mind-boggler. I mean, you even fully admitted you didn’t know anything about fashion in the first place, so where did you get off thinking you could bullcrap your way through that hiring process in front of three reasonably experienced professional salesponies? You’re not a princess, Rainbow Dash--you’re a Wonderbolt. If anything, you should be more subtle instead of boldface lying.
Now, I’m not saying your heart wasn’t in the right place. And even with this astounding misstep in the thinking process, you managed to turn things around for a benefit. But you, of all ponies here, should not have required this turnabout in the first place. Yet since this lesson apparently didn’t stick the first time around, I sincerely hope it sticks the second time.
I do not want to get on your ass for this a third time. No, wait, correction: you don’t want me to get on your ass for this a third time. It just won’t be pretty for either of us, I can assure you that much.
On to Appleblack. I’m not sure I have much to say to you, other than your treatment of a child’s ideas under the assumption of thinking Rarity is not interested in innovative ideas is nothing short of appalling.
The mare is a fashion magnate specializing in designing unique clothing. She even made a fashion line out of a hotel room under pressure, but incorporating spoons? Apparently, no thanks. I admit it doesn’t exactly sound appealing to wear silverware--I shudder to think of fork porcupine hats and knife skirts--but that’s what refining a rough idea is meant to help with to avoid such nightmarish gowns and headpieces.
Was Rarity in the proper mindset at the time she was asked to incorporate spoons and a door horn? Not with everything else going on, no. Maybe she could have used a copy or two of herself, which I would strongly advise against, but Rarity’s the type of girl to refine a rough diamond until it shines brightly. Maybe consider that first before you inject a blunt “no” in like you’re addressing your little sister.
Pinkie, I… I guess I have nothing to say! Y-Yep! Nothing! Just… Just fine! Yes, but, um… didn’t we talk about all the clones being put back? I thought we covered that, but there’s another one here breathing down my nee-hee-eeck!
No no, I wasn’t about to even try to talk about her turning part of Rarity’s boutique into a dance club! I’m sure that was all part of Rarity’s plans, even if… it wasn’t? Maybe it was something foreseeable in the near-future. And far future! Can’t forget tha-haat!
My neck hairs aren’t bristling! They’re… excited? Excited! Completely ecstatic! A-Anyway, you just keep on keeping-on, Pinkie. Surely you’ve done no wrong this day!
...I-Is she gone? I think she’s gone. Haah… Okay. Back to business.
Fluttershy, Fluttershy, you sit in an interesting spot. I, for one, earnestly believe Rarity would not tolerate a family of raccoons anywhere in her boutique. However, what bothers me is that’s an issue that should have been discussed with the landlord. Under reasonable circumstances, that doesn’t seem like a thing one could miss during a typical first inspection a pony takes when renting out a place so they’re not shafted with any undue repairs, unseen damages, or a family of squatting raccoons down on their luck.
Heh, “reasonable circumstances”. I say that as if that’s a thing that happens normally these days.
But I heartily praise your innovative thinking in incorporating them into the catering staff. Although that’s not the first thought that comes to mind when visiting a clothing boutique, nor is it a particularly sanitary option given those raccoons likely reeked of dumpster juice, sewer sludge and eau de coon. Although you did bathe them (hopefully you used a clothespin for your nose to avoid the smell), and their contribution is not to be overlooked. Who knows, it might inspire me to reconsider my stance on the pack of rats dwelling in one of my broom closets. This could go somewhere--I can feel it.
Of course, they’re completely terrified of our birds, but I can work around that. Probably.
That’s about it, but I do have one more thing for Rarity. Oh, and it’s for her eyes only, so no reading past this point for anypony besides Rarity, understand?
I mean it! Rarity’s eyes only past this point, got it?!
Rarity, I’ll be fair and honest. You got lucky. Very lucky. I know you read the review yourself by now, but I’m not sure if you have a grasp on exactly how lucky you are. Simply put, everypony could have screwed you over six-thousand ways from Sunday, and you wouldn’t have known how bad it was because they barricaded you with a chair. A chair! That alone merits at least a hundred “what if”s in regards to how badly they screwed the pooch by the time you first tried to leave.
But bravo to you for somehow not worrying your head off on those after essentially being stuck in a small box for what must have been roughly a third to half a day doing nothing but swapping out clothes on marequins. That takes an extraordinary amount of patience and/or a ludicrous amount of blind faith in your friends doing the right thing without even a single ounce of guidance, vision, or really any general input from your ideal imagining of your boutique.
I realize that’s the complete opposite of you cracking the whip the last time all of you visited Manehatten, but that doesn’t mean that this little-to-no direction option was the proper decision either. If your friends don’t know where you’re going, the decisions they make have more than enough potential to make things worse and steer away from your goal, regardless of however their approach may be.
To that end, the next time you try something like this, don’t gamble on them knowing what you want and instead make your goals crystal clear to them before placing yourself in a spot where your friends can barricade you inside while they panic and try to fix things. It might just stop them from making assumptions (there’s that word again) about what you want and act with your best interest at heart with significantly lower chances of a disaster in the making.
That said, congratulations on your truly miraculous grand opening. I hope your boutique runs splendidly, as it should with a non-ill Coco at the helm, and wish you the best of luck in keeping it running.
No, really. After how lucky you were just for the opening, I do believe you need a lot more in the coming years.
Best of all the luck,
Princess Celestia
P.S. You really need to teach Coco proper sneeze etiquette. I feel like it shouldn’t have to be explicitly stated that somepony shouldn’t sneeze uncovered into another pony’s face… twice. Turn your head, use your foreleg, position the tissue in advance! Haaaaaaangh… but here we are, and unfortunately, it must be said.
Okay, what is that racket coming from the hallway?!
...You know what? I don't even want to know or compel myself to ask why you two are wearing what appears to be every piece of cookware in the kitchen except for the sink.
Larping? Well then... what exactly is your goal, oh wayfaring adventurers?
A monster to catch, is it? Hrmm... I think I just might have the perfect creature. A terrifying beast, one capable of sneaking up on a pony quieter than a mute mouse and able to swallow a whole pony in a single bite! Are you sure such a monster is something you can handle?
Very well. Come close. Closer. Ow, too close. Now… have you ever heard of the Nineteen-Legged Pink Pest?
Aye, I'd say just do it by style and type of clothing.
Hast thou lost thy mind? Art thou TRYING to traumatize them?
Nice one, covered lots of bases. The "eau de coon" bit made me spittake for realsies.
I honestly thought she was going to write a letter to the landlord about his nepotism. This is fine though.
7240999
"Oh, Mister Stripes you mean? Don't worry about that.
He's next on my list."
Rarity's new 'Things found lying around the kitchen' line, kicked off with spoon gauntlets and the Official Crystal Empire(TM) drinking straw hats!
Yikes. That Pinkie clone is creepy. In fact, I think it's creepier than the original Pinkie Pie. If it can sneak around the Canterlot Castle while constantly watching Celestia and breathing down her neck whenever she tries to do her work, then somepony will need to whip out a "Send the clone back to whence it came" spell ASAP.
Just watch your back, Celestia. That Pinkie clone can be anywhere, and before you know it, your face will be splatted with pie before you can say, "Sunny".
.
.
.
.
.
Okay, now that I said it, I think I'm going to watch my room for any pink pony who may be sneaking around my room.
And she still can't get Applejack's name right...
I'm picturing Tia Two and Luna Two dressed up like "knights" with armor made out of kitchenware. And now they're hunting down Pinkie (or her clone, which I am still convinced was actually a changeling)... oh, dear.
er... "Nineteen legged"? Twenty I would get, since well, five Pinkies would mean twenty legs. But nineteen? Did a Pinkie Clone loose a leg in a blast or something? Are these clones up to James Bond stuff behind the scenes- on either side of the equation. I mean, Special Agent Sweetie Drops might be working overtime here.
But seriously, nineteen legs? Is that a reference to something?
Also, I have to wonder who Tia has deliver the letters like the one to Spoiled Bitc-I mean, Spoiled Rich and I assume Mister Stripes. I have to imagine she would not just leave it to the local mail mare.
"Daily Flugel" is a stroke of genius. Kudos.
I'm the kind of person who always tries to put things back where I found them in shops and gets unreasonably peeved when people are too lazy to do so. Was it really so hard?
Of course, a three-axis organizational system might be a touch more difficult...
But yeah, the magic of friendship was probably the only thing keeping this opening from imploding on itself so hard it took out all of Saddle Row.
7241330
See "Hearthbreakers" and Pinkie's super-Sleipnir impression.
How do you fight a clone? Easy, with another clone (or two in this case).
Can't agree with Celestia dressing down Rainbow Dash here. First, Rainbow did not tell any "boldface" lies. She didn't pretend to know more about fabrics than the job applicants. It seemed more to me like she hastily came up with the "guess the fabric" test without thinking it through all the way - namely to the part where she would have to know the correct answers. I can put that down to incompetence, not deception. Second, I don't see the connection being made with the Wonderbolts lesson. Rainbow isn't trying to save face in front of the salesponies - she's trying to work out which Rarity would hire. Imagine the scenario if Rainbow hadn't even bothered asking "What would Rarity want?" and instead just proceeded straight to setting a race for the applicants. It would then be easy for Celestia to criticise Rainbow for even taking on the task in the first place.
This is probably going to be a grey area for some people because the writing put Rainbow in the job that doesn't obviously apply to her skill set, like Twilight's. I think Celestia's criticism could have gone someting more like this; Rainbow Dash should know more about the importance of working as a team from the Wonderbolts episode, so a team-based challenge might have made more sense than a race, and justified hiring them all on their ability to work together. As it stands, Celestia comes off as immediately and incorrectly assuming the worst. In fact, she's overreacting a lot in this installment, such as describing Applejack's assumptions about Rarity as "appalling." But, my main gripe was about Rainbow Dash, so I'll leave it there.
7242465
"Actually, I would have praised her for thinking of a test that assesses their speed. Given the volume of customers Saddle Row has, they'll want to be efficient in handling as many of those customers as they can, and quickly if necessary.
Also, yes, it was incompetence. However, I'm not referring to the vastly different circumstances between those two situations. I'm referring to the specific action of mimicking her friends in some way that she took in both scenarios, which is an action profoundly ridiculous regardless of the circumstances."
I figured this was going to end up like the episode where they fixed up twi's castle, and there was a lot of similarities
also I think it was a bad idea to send clones to fight more clones, obviously they'd either join forces or the aliclones would decimate the pink clones
there's one in my room, I don't know where it is, or how many, but I need you to send help now.
I can't believe I missed this, but... is Moony a Spoony Bard? Bard seems like a good class for Luna or her clone.
Something tells me Celestia looses sleep over any random Pinkies in her castle.
7241403 oh yeah I work at a Walmart and man do the fitting rooms get stuffed with clothes sometimes yikes !
lying? Nay, bald-faced.