Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Not Another Magic Duel

Mayor Mare,

I formally extend my apologies to you for the incident that occurred in Ponyville today. Being crammed in a birdcage and held hostage by a corrupt magician probably ranks high up there in your top ten worst experiences of your life, and that includes being fed crackers drier and saltier than the Saddle Arabia Sands.

Thanks for sending some of those crackers in this letter, by the way. Really gave me an idea of the nightmare you were put through. Out of curiosity, I put a cracker in Philomena's water dish, and it drained the entire dish while still acting as if it never got moist at all--this thing puts chamois leather to shame.

But I accept some blame for not carefully monitoring the amulet over at the Canterlot Artifact Museum. I've been trying to get that thing in my vault for safekeeping, but the curators insisted it was safer in their hooves, and in fairness, their pitch was pretty convincing. "Oh, we have the best security in Equestria! Magic locks! Locks locking locks! A lockbox locking said locked locks! All just to lock doors that don't even go anywhere that fool our own staff! Trust us, Princess Celestia. It's completely safe."

And then it was stolen. We don't know when it happened, but it was a professional, top-notch job; nopony noticed it was replaced with a fake until I stopped by a week ago to verify its safety. After their thorough introduction to Brutus--we searched for days looking for it in Canterlot, only to find nothing. We thought it lost for good, or in the hooves of somepony bent on destroying the world. Turns out the latter was close, wasn't it?

Zecora's holding onto the amulet for safekeeping this time. I trust there will be no objections to this, since not only is she not a unicorn or alicorn, her intimate knowledge of the Everfree lets her stash it in a place nopony dares enter 80% of the time. I don't know where she hid it, and that's for the best; a secret location isn't that secret if we know about it.

The merchant who sold the amulet fled town, it seems; it's a shame he did that. Luna's been training Shadebeak to, ahem, 'escort' subpoenaed ponies to night court should they fail to respond to her summons, and that merchant will understand exactly what it means to see stars.

Speaking of which, I see Shadebeak returning with the first to visit Luna's court: Trixie Lulamoon, charged with possession of stolen property, use of a forbidden arcane artifact, subjugation of a town, and cruel and unusual punishment of its citizens, amongst various other crimes. That will be a hoot to watch.

Thank you, as always, for your findings and crime reports, Mayor Mare. I'll let you know what the punishment is the following morning.

Friends Forever,

Princess Celestia

P.S. I enclosed a bottle of that brandy you like so much. Something tells me you'll want to crack into that after everything that happened today.

Comments

[BlueYoshi]

Zecora's holding onto the amulet for safekeeping this time. I trust there will be no objections to this, since not only is she not a unicorn or alicorn, her intimate knowledge of the Everfree lets her stash it in a place nopony dares enter 80% of the time. I don't know where she hid it, and that's for the best; a secret location isn't that secret if we know about it.

And along comes Sweetie Belle, who steals the Alicorn Amulet and becomes the least feared villain known in Equestria. (The text I linked to will take you to a fanfic that is a reference to what I'm talking about.) Good thing Zecora gets the amulet back from Sweetie Belle, though.

[FurryBrony]

Um, technically, Trixie should only be charged with Theft and Use of a Forbidden Arcane Artifact, since everything else she did was under the influence of said artifact. Therefore, she was not in her right mind when doing them. However, I would add "attempted use of forbidden magic" to the list, as the agony beam she tried was not done under the Amulet's influence

[BronyWriter]

Not another shrubbery!

[Spooky Moon]

Speaking of which, I see Shadebeak returning with the first to visit Luna's court: Trixie Lulamoon, charged with theft, use of a forbidden arcane artifact, subjugation of a town, and cruel and unusual punishment of its citizens, amongst various other crimes. That will be a hoot to watch.

I WANNA SEE THAT

[Obsidian Raindrop]

Is this the only other trixie letter?

[Iron Sky]

Zecora seems like she'd be a good addition to their drinking nights.

She's one of those ponies who gives the impression of being an adult surrounded by children. older and wiser.

Probably knows some mean mixology, too.

Although there is the matter of Mayor Mare's town ostracizing Zecora for months.

[Seether00]

Now I really want to know what happens to Trixie. Maybe she could plead temporary possession.

[Meep the Changeling]

Wait so the zebra meant to hide it in the mirror pond? ... I thought she dropped it. I'll go put it back.

[Tired Old Man]

5790583

That begs the question of why you were at the pond, Meep.

[Dapper Guy]

Hopefully the punishment involves wheels. Lots and lots of wheels.

[Meep the Changeling]

5790647 I was doing the changeling thing and digging a hive. We do that you know. Gotta have the nice underground tunnel network. Anyways I dug into the damn things side. Completely flooded my tunnel network before I managed to collapse the tunnel leading into it. Since it's a nice prepared space I've been using it as a living room.

Besides you sealed it up by putting a big rock on a sink hole. There are 4 other entrances from the surface you know, one of them even has carved stone stairs. Something needs to keep fillies out of the thing, and I don't know the incantation to use it so I figured I'd do you a service. Make up for skipping on taxes every year.

[user123]

5790723
invisible walls?
or scary thkngs blocking the entrances.

[Meep the Changeling]

5790955 Yeah! Exactly! So far I've been doing the "Scary things" defense. it works realy well on ponies. I just shape change into a young hydra every time somepony comes in. They go right back out!

[Emptybee]

5789850 Not necessarily. Think of the Alicorn Amulet as being like intoxication. Just because you can't exercise good judgement once you put it on doesn't absolve you of the responsibility for putting it on in the first place. It comes down to what Trixie knew, or should have known, about the Amulet's effects.

[Pankrazius]

5790258
In one story of me I let her get condemned in ponyville. (Think she pleaded for a quick death instead - but you know how mean royalty could be)

[Pinklestia]

Well, this will be fun.

[ChronoMitsurugi]

Why does everyone forget that Trixie bought the Amulet off a shady merchant?

There was no theft where Trixie was involved.

Where's my tie? I am going down to Night Court to get this trial dismissed. Let's see Luna's archaic knowledge compete with a modern trial lawyer.

Better call the boys too in case she decides to use alicorn force when she loses. Gonna need a quick getaway.

[Tired Old Man]

5835642

...oh yeah. That is true.

It's still possession of stolen property though, so that's fixed. Have fun with the trial.

[Zenith Sparkle]

: Trixie Lulamoon, you are hereby charged with a bunch of crimes that, after reading the comment thread of this letter, I'm not even sure you committed.

: So....s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1b/4b/14/1b4b14aa7fedf3b343d3dff3dd5887a8.jpg

:

[Godiswithus3]

Oh that's good. Trixie and the thieving merchant are gonna get their dues for their crimes. I knew Twilight forgave Trixie too easily.