Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Vanilla Filling, a Little Enjoyable Thing

Mayor Mare,

I just received your weekly expense report, and for the most part, damages seem to be in order. Pinkie's streamers and party favors littering the town and hidden objects in bushes and trees, another hole in Granny's barn caused by a mad cow, and as usual, a giant animal causing significant damage to somepony's business. Although, I do admit reading about a giant white cat treating the Quills and Sofas building as a scratching post was most amusing. The giant hairballs weren't.

Don't worry about that last expense, by the way; you mentioned Twilight was experimenting with size control that Tuesday, so I'll see to it that the Harmony fund will cover that.

But on another note, there's one section in particular that concerns me regarding your ribbon-cutting ceremony. Specifically, you listed the ceremony inaugurating a brand new entertainment kiosk about the size of a farmer's vendor stand in the tent plaza.

I... well, honestly I didn't expect that was something ribbon-worthy. Usually you do those sorts of ceremonies for big, important buildings like Ponyville Medical, the Community Theatre, and the Spa Sisters' Parlor. Which reminds me, we really should stop by and visit those girls. It's been a good year or so since my last massage.

Anyway, I don't doubt the kiosk will see plenty of use, especially after the Ponytones made a marvelous display of how it could be used for a simple acapella performance. I'm simply expressing a bit of concern that the next ceremony might honor a new fencepost at Sweet Apple Acres or something equally ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong--it's perfectly acceptable to celebrate the little things in life. It doesn't mean the whole town should know about it, however. I don't go around Canterlot singing about earrings like they're the best thing, unlike a noble mare this afternoon. Oh, all the places she will go to impress faces she won't know!

Mayor, I ask this as a Princess presiding over rich fools, but more importantly, I ask this as a friend. Do not be like my nobles, and please celebrate responsibly.

Friends Forever,

Princess Celestia

Luna, of course you can come to the Spa with me.

No no, Aloe and Lotus are professionals. They'll wear earmuffs so you don't bust their eardrums, so don't worry about your voice. They did that for my first visit... and every subsequent one.

Oh yes, we'll need a carriage. You won't even be able to fly when they're done. Walk, at best, and--where are you going?

Oh no, don't you back out of this! Trust me, you'll feel like a million bits when they're through.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

"Please celebrate responsibility."

Here's hoping Pinkie never sees that phrase. Who knows how she'd react?

[Billblok]

"You'll feel like a million bits when they're through."

What flat, heavy and hard to carry around?

JK, I know what it means.

[silvadel]

I see Princess Celestia is going to foist Bulk Biceps on Luna eh?

[WanderingPony]

5943443

Thankfully, it's actually "Please celebrate responsibly".

Pinkie could totally do a Responsibility Party. It'd probably lots of cute hats, too.

[Seether00]

5943507

Who else is strong enough to loosen the knots in her back?

[Waterpicker]

5943443 She's also the bearer of laughter and it was confirmed in magical mystery cure that pinkie is atleast one of the major influences that allows ponyville to stay such a cheerful despite the obvious rising its importance.

[Pinklestia]

Well, now I want a vanilla ice-cream after reading this.

[poisonflame616]

No no, Aloe and Lotus are professionals. They'll wear earmuffs so you don't bust their eardrums, so don't worry about your voice. They did that for my first visit... and every subsequent one.

the Princess ordered a full service and a happy ending, she got it every time

[BlueYoshi]

Spa Twins: "The princesses are going to arrive to our Spa! Eeeeeeeee! That's the best thing ever!"

i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/701/007/cab.gif

[GamerGoddessDin]

"Please celebrate responsibly."

What is this? An Applejack Daniels ad?

[Shade]

5943529 i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/709/048/f01.jpg
Deer God...

[Tache]

5957182 Da fuq is that?!?!

[kooarbiter]

5943478

a big, black, thick, dictionary

[Jakomi of the Rose]

5943869 Oh my God, cuteness overload.

[Black Ash]

5943869 Loved that scene.

[WorldWalker128]

Celestia and Luna on an appointment with the Spa Sisters.
.....
Darnit, Blackjr, now I've got images I don't want.
If you don't know, don't ask. Please. For the sake of your innocence, DON'T.

[Lancerlot]

5957182
Bravo!

Then I started humming the old "spiderman" song, and this happened:

Squirrel wants food,
Finds a source!
and becomes,
Squirrel-horse!
Hey there, there goes the Squirrel-horse!

[Gavier]

5943443
She'd celebrate a party about being responsible.