Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Cuties Contract Poxes, Viral or Otherwise

Dearest Apple Bloom,

Waiting for your heart's desire is the greatest test of patience on this earth. Having been here for over a millenium, I can safely tell you that I’ve done a lot of waiting. Far too much waiting, all for things like improvement of the general populace, removal of bigots from my council, figuring out any and all exciting methods to make day court pass by in the blink of an eye without altering the fabric of space-time. You know, the little things in life.

Although I personally believe that waiting is one of the worst actions to take. Working is far better.

Waiting implies that it will come to you eventually without you actively seeking it. It’s the sort of thing one hears from a spoiled little richy rich filly: “My daddy handles everything! Why should I go out and get things done when it can just come to me?” Such an entitled declaration sickens me to my core, and it is one that defeats the very purpose of earning things in honesty when it’s hoofed to you on the silveriest of silver platters.

And so does shortcuts, as I’m told through Zecora you found out the hard way. Cutie Pox is serious business, and you should really thank Zecora again for what she did to assist you. Those Seeds of Truth are exceedingly rare, and the fact that she used some of them on you puts you quite high on her list of friends.

Higher than me, actually. She doesn’t even put the leaves in her tea blends, claiming they impart an extreme bitter taste when brewed. I call bull on that; Cuppa’s 47th failed brew was bitter enough to make bile palatable.

Anyway, working is far better a task to commit to achieve your goals. I'm certain that's something you already know given you work on an orchard that grows... oranges? Peaches? Cherries? I know it's a tree fruit, but with each one you pick and harvest, you learn the value of effort to yield rewards, and that's more that can be said if you waited for such a reward to come.

I wouldn't be surprised if you earned a Hidden Mark at this point, but don't go looking for that.

Give my regards to Granny Smith, and let her know I'll be free this Sunday. Please tell her I'll meet her at "Bull's Horn."

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Luna, since when could you hold your own liquor?

...okay, I'm not even going to ask how you fermented alcohol, but seriously? Moonshine? Should I invent a liquor and call it Sun Beam?

Anyway, if you insist on tagging along, I'll send another letter asking that Little Mac come as well. It's been quite a while since I've seen him, so I'm not sure if that name's accurate.

Hopefully we'll find out, sister.

Comments

[Zaid ValRoa]

I'll send another letter asking that Little Mac come as well. It's been quite a while since I've seen him, so I'm not sure if that name's accurate.

That'd be a nice meeting.

[RainCrasher]

She really doesn't care for remembering most of Applejack's families names. i swear this series cracks me up every time i read it. good work

[MustacheMerlin]

I'll send another letter asking that Little Mac come as well. It's been quite a while since I've seen him, so I'm not sure if that name's accurate.

Dawww! derpy.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/138131122316.png

[Geiger]

Little Mac

You know, I think he could take on Tyson.

[Maxes Altho]

how in the wide world of sports can you forget what they harvest? it's literally in the mare's names!

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

I wouldn't be surprised if you earned a Hidden Mark at this point, but don't go looking for that.

Not only is it the joke that keeps on giving, I bet over time Celestia probably has had books written about Hidden Cutie Marks to add to their legitimacy.

[Tired Old Man]

5656663

"I still don't know. Is it dates? Plums? Pears? Pineapples? It's pineapples, isn't it?

Because that would be clever, and not immediately obvious like every other pony with a name that reeks of what they grow, like Cabbage Patch or Shucks McCorny."

~Celestia

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

Wait, are we talking about Big Mac as a kid, or the boxer in Punch-Out?

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

5657010

Yes

[BlueYoshi]

I like how Celestia teaches Apple Bloom a lesson about her life experience and how Apple Bloom can learn from it. Then she writes about funny stuff about not remembering what the Apple family grows and calls Big Macintosh "Little Mac".

Also, that part at the end with Luna seems like a reference to "Drop of Moonshine" fanfic based on how Luna can ferment alcohol.

[JediWaffles]

5656612
She knows Applebloom's and Granny Smith's. Which means the others aren't important to her. (She only knows apple family names if they have been around forever or they're kids, apparently.)

[RainCrasher]

5658577 probably. So does this mean granny smith is an immortal too? O.O

[JediWaffles]

5658601
On youtube, there's a few videos on how old granny is. My guess: Not immortal, but probably can't die from old age.

[RainCrasher]

5658622 maybe shes the pony equivalent of a Fae or something, the elderly form being a disguise as an attempt to hide out? ether way i wouldn't be surprised and a lot of stories on her has her being some sorta super sage or something

[D48]

5656612 Well, that's just the way it is with background ponies.

[Maxes Altho]

5656774 That last one's good. Care if i steal the name Shucks McCorny for possible use in a later story?

[Tired Old Man]

5660948

Use it if you so wish. I'm not picky about credit on that one, but if you'd like to mention me, I won't object either.

[DJPurple3]

"Is it pineapples? It's pineapples, isn't it?"
eehhh... close enough.
Brilliance is within this. Just fabulous...ness...? You know what I mean, right?
I'm sure you do.
Good Job

[Zilverfoss]

5656647
5656613
5656610
Lil' Mac.. I've read FO:E.
If you have too, you know what I'm talking about.
They sure pack a punch though.

[kooarbiter]

5657010

tbh I thought it was a fallout equestria reference

[Pinklestia]

Moonshine? Should I invent a liquor and call it Sun Beam?

She can outdrink you Celes.

[JDunk1971]

Should Princess Celestia invent a distilled liquor and call it Sun Beam? Yes. For all the puns, Yes.

[______1]

Little Mac...

dayum, you are so late Malaria

[GoldenCyclone4]

5657271 No, dude, you gotta do it like this!
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/fzero/images/6/6d/YES.png/revision/latest?cb=20090704075255

[Flutters Is Shy]

5656663
They harvest Blooms, Jacks, Macs and Smiths? Damn thats a weird harvest they got there.

[TheDimensionRift]

Celestia created Sunny D

[Titanicgaming360]

5855584
Distilled? Fuck distilled.
Ninety-nine proof cinnamon whiskey.
I need to share a bottle of that with Twilight.
or two bottles.

or nine.