• Member Since 29th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 1st, 2019

Tired Old Man

Celestia's exhausted personal paperweight.


Letters. Everyone writes them, and they're not just for ponies. Be they carriers of serious news, friendly correspondence between pen pals, or declarations of heart and heartbreak, each one is written with a clear purpose or goal in mind.

Celestia uses them to try and keep her faithful student and friends in line, and try to keep an unbalanced world on the straight and narrow.

This is much harder than it sounds.


Now with an audio reading by Lady Tenkage!

Side Stories:

Old-Fashioned Bar Hoppers, featuring Celestia, Mayor Mare, and Granny Smith shenanigans.
Journal of an Adolescent Clone, featuring Sunny and Moony shenanigans since Season 5.

Chapters (246)
Comments ( 5749 )

Oooh, this is hilarious. Definitely worth a fave and a follow.

No, really, you have no idea how lucky you are. She would have trashed everything. I know what a thousand years of madness and pent-up anger feels like; she's chucked a rock at me every night since I banished her. Yes, from the moon.

*SNRK* Okay, that was amusing.

You should write for HISHE :pinkiehappy:

Remember, there isn't anything wrong with asking, so do that next time you need help.

Oh, the many, many, many times that should have happened. Well I'm sure you'll get to them eventually :)

Tracking THIS one like a stalker :pinkiecrazy:

I admit, the idea of Princess Celestia being this surly, consistently irritable, absolute ruler appeals to me. I'll be following this one for sure.

You have my attention, please continue!

5545179 Who is the creature in your avatar?

Is this based off of Letters to a Disgruntled Friendship Student?


No. Somehow didn't even know about those prior to writing mine. Oh well.

Back to writing more letters.

Dear Princess Celestia

Spike here.
Rarity the white one still hoofing on to her element of generosity?
I think her gem is defective, She generous with everypony else , But not with me.
What can I do?"


Dear SpikE,

take a frickin bath !

You should go read them, they're funny.

These letters are good.

Funny concept, but you're really bad at voice.

Aaah, so beautiful. munch, munch I'm loving it.

I am loving these, and the part with celestia talking to Luna.

And lol, an impromptu meteor shower.

Okay, now someone NEEDS to write a fic with Granny Smith and Celestia going bar hopping.


"They nitpicked his beans, so he pissed in their coffee."
"Luna, I solemnly state that I will not mess with your coffee the entire time we’re there."
That's just EVIL!

Surly Celestia has won my heart. That may explain why Twilight is so obsessed with not disappointing her. It also makes me wonder if Spike paraphrases her to make Twilight feel better or if he enjoys rubbing in her letters.

Luna/Nightmare Moon chucked a rock at her every night for a thousand years?


But yeah, she could have used magic.

Where do you think the mountain Canterlot is built on came from?

This is so true. At least, I think it is. It may not be true here, but if Equestria exists in some alternate dimension (we can only hope) thne it might be true there.

Blueberry princess is best blueberry.

Luna should just make some Moonshine.

This fic is now migrating from 'Tracked' to 'Favorites'.

Applejack--she's the orange one, right?

Was this an unintentional joke?

5557764 why not all three that way you'll always know

This makes so much more sense than the episode.

And then Fluttershy became a badass in ponyville.

and then she finds armor.

Because if not, she'll be fired.

I see what you did there.

I had a theory for a while that Ponyville used to have a small unit of the Royal Guard stationed there, to chase off monsters coming out of the Everfree. Then the new Mayor discovered there's this pegasus who just moved to town who can control animals, so the Mayor has the guards transferred and saves money by only paying one salary, plus the cost of a decrepit cottage next to the forest.

Comment posted by user123 deleted Mar 30th, 2018

1 more dislike and this story will have 66 likes and 6 dislikes.

Locking the doors won't help if it's Pinkie Pie. That mare's scary...

I found this very entertaining :pinkiehappy:

In one fic, Twilight made up a specific ward just to keep out Pinkie Pie and still wasn't sure it would work.

ouch my sides...these are dangerously funny....MUST HAVE MORE!:flutterrage:

Holy crap! This is pure gold :rainbowlaugh:

This one's mean. Twilight got mixed up because of the Poison Joke which she was unfamiliar with

Oh my God, this is an excellent story. I always wondered what Celestia would say if she could write back.

Spot on as typical. Thanks for the excellent output!

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